Thankful Thursday with lessons interspersed

May 10, 2012

I’ve thought about updating many times, but I felt like I couldn’t post unless it was an entry about my Lifeclass experience. Because my mind has been on a few different things, that wrap-up entry still hasn’t been completed. But guess what? It’s Thankful Thursday and I have so much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful for growth, and I was reminded of how much sense the term growing pains makes! Over the past month I’ve overpondered this idea of entrepreneurship, changing my vision for my life, and actually believing that I can do it, even if this “it” isn’t that well defined. It’s all very much a work in progress, one requiring daily commitment, and that’s the hardest part for me, being consistent. I’m excited by all the wonderful resources that are available online—for free!—to help anyone who is ready to get serious about accomplishing his or her goals. I feel like I’m moving forward and that I’ll look back on 2012 and recall it being the start of something really great.

I truly appreciate the little ways that God takes care of me. One example: just a few minutes ago I did my usual ritual of turning on the light to my doorway to see if I locked my front door. Locking my front door and checking to make sure it’s actually locked before bed are such ingrained habits that I do them on autopilot. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that for the first time in over two years, that door wasn’t locked! I am thankful that I noticed. On that same note, it’s so important to be aware: we sometimes do things on autopilot or are too busy multitasking to really take in all that we’re engaged in. Earlier this week I had to drive back home because I hadn’t paid attention to whether or not my front door was locked and when I returned home, the door was locked. However, I wasn’t paying attention again while re-locking the door so I ended up having to get out of the car just before leaving to check—very unusual for me. My situation is minor but think of what could have happened if I had left my door unlocked in those two occasions. Maybe all would have been well but unfortunately severe consequences have resulted from the actions of distracted people so please: be aware.

I’m thankful for supportive and appreciative friends. Aloted wrote a lovely tribute that left me feeling so loved. I was very touched—it was so unexpected—and I really appreciate her thinking so highly of me. I’ve been helping another friend set up her website (that sounds like I actually know what I’m doing—hah!)…it’s nice to know even my meagre and unprofessional efforts are able to benefit somebody, and these two women have been so supportive to me too. It’s interesting how something—a word we said or an action we decided to make—something that we may not think so highly of, can mean a lot to someone else.

I’m also thankful for the friends who call me out and challenge me. It’s never a comfortable exercise but I (eventually) take something good away from the hard (to hear) but true words that are said.

I am thankful for my parents’ health, something I will never take for granted. I am thankful for my own health too…every day that I can command my body to do what I want it to do—walk, run, jump, sit, eat—is a day to show appreciation to the One who made us. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see someone in a wheelchair without appreciating the blessings I take for granted.

I’m thankful for the power of forgiveness in my life. I had a revelation yesterday that I had been holding several grudges without really thinking about them. They weren’t things that were keeping me awake at night but I can see how with time they could become actual problems. I’m thankful that now that I’m aware of them I can let them go and do what’s necessary to resolve them.

I could keep going but it’s past 2:00am and sleep is winning me over with its charm. Please tune in on twitter to learn what other things I’m thankful for.

Filed under: Blogging, Personal, Thankful Thursdays by Good Naija Girl | 9 Comments »

I’m joining the Lifeclass Tour!

April 13, 2012

Yesterday I tweeted that one thing I was thankful for was my upcoming trip to Toronto (a city about five hours away from me) to see Oprah (and Bishop TD Jakes, Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins and Deepak Chopra). I’m so excited!!

Last year, I mentioned that one of the things I was looking forward to in 2011 was the launch of the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) in Canada. Even though the network isn’t doing as well as hoped, there are definitely some shows worth watching (Lifeclass, the Lifeclass Tour, and Master Class), shows that I think can inspire you to change your life. I also shared a bit about my history with the Oprah Winfrey Show and from people’s comments on that post and also in general, Oprah’s the type of person that people either love or don’t really care for.

My colleague and I tried so hard last year to win a spot in the audience of her show during its last season because that would have been a great bucket list item (not that I have a bucket list, mind you). I thought it would be cool to sit in her audience, feel some of that charisma she has, and maybe even get some insight into how she became such a powerful and driven woman. We didn’t succeed in getting tickets so we contented ourselves with watching her Lifeclass series when it began airing last October and my friend and I were hooked. I bought a notebook to take notes about each episode because I was certain that if I paid attention to the lessons, I would learn one or two things that would help propel me to greatness.

When the Lifeclass episodes stopped airing last November, I wanted to watch them all over again because they’re the kind of thing that you really have to hear more than once for all the deep messages to sink in. Also, I wasn’t able to get all the notes that I wanted down (thankfully they’re now doing reruns on OWN). But then we heard that the second season of Lifeclass was being called the Lifeclass Tour and Oprah would be traveling around the USA sharing some of the lessons from the first season that people wanted more information about. Once again there was an opportunity to win your way into her audience, so I tried to get into the New York City session without success. But then at the end of February I got an email saying she’d be coming to Toronto in April — it would be her first trip to Canada (if I’m not mistaken)! My Oprah-loving colleague was in my office when I read that email so I told her about it and she said we had to go! I’m very thrifty (or is that cheap?) so when I discovered the cheapest tickets had sold out within two hours of the show being announced by email, I was not happy at the thought of paying for the second cheapest tickets. But then I put the cost in perspective to past wasteful spending and decided it was worth it! My friend and I bought our tickets and now in a few short days we’ll be in Toronto! The show will actually be taped live so if our seats aren’t too far back we may actually become overnight celebrities too (jokes!).

Will our lives be forever changed as a result of this trip? Maybe not, but I’m learning so much from the Lifeclass Tour and I know this information is sinking in, even if I don’t act on it for years to come. The videos are actually available online so if you’re interested, check them out:

  1. March 26, 2012: Stopping the Pain (with Iyanla Vanzant)

  2. April 2, 2012: Living Fearlessly (with Tony Robbins) — I mentioned this one just the other day.

  3. April 9, 2012: Living with Purpose (my favourite episode so far!!) (with Bishop TD Jakes)

Have you ever gone to see someone you admire live (Ginger got to meet Chimamanda Adichie—so cool!)? Who would you love to meet in person to pick their brain?

Filed under: Goals and Dreams by Good Naija Girl | 14 Comments »

On building your dreams

April 11, 2012

I came across the above quote this past weekend, and I shared it with my sister and we kind of had a “A hah!” moment. It came to me again so I put it on twitter too. It’s a cautionary tale: if you’re not careful you could end up being someone who helps others achieve their goals without ever accomplishing your own! It isn’t a bad thing to help others but when you’d rather help others because it’s easier than trying to help yourself, that’s not good.

I can relate to this: I have dreams of my own, but the path to achieve them is not easy so I procrastinate and instead focus on what I can do to help others with their dreams. My friend and I are both planning to launch websites this year. My friend is a motivated person who lists her goals and works consistently and methodically to cross each goal off her list. I make partial lists of goals and procrastinate on doing every single thing on the (incomplete) list. When I realized that my friend had a plan and knew what she wanted, I happily offered my skills where I felt they could be used, and appreciated that she respected me enough to seek my input. I helped her do things for her own site that I haven’t made the time to do for my site, but it’s easy to help someone who knows what they want and where they’re going, unlike me.

My friend has been apologetic for asking for help (which is silly because I love providing the assistance and am totally inspired by her work and her plans!) because she knows I have these issues of procrastination and laziness. I guess part of me feels like as long as I’m working on goals, even someone else’s, then it’s ok, but this quote forces me to remember that it’s not.

So, it’s time to create balance: I don’t have to change the time I spending helping others, because I’m no Mother Teresa who gives and gives and gives, but I do have to stop putting my goals on the back-burner because dealing with them is harder than I want them to be. This is a generalization but my struggles with procrastination sometimes make me question my “Nigerianness” because to me, Nigerians are goal makers and goal achievers! I want to be one too!

Filed under: Goals and Dreams by Good Naija Girl | 4 Comments »

New month, new lessons

April 1, 2012

Hello friends!

Happy New Month to you! Wishing friends and family a happy new month is such a Nigerian thing to me (but maybe other non-Canadian cultures do it too?). Anyway, I love the surprise text messages I get from several friends, wishing me all sorts of great things in the new month. Waiting until midnight strikes on December 31 to send such wishes is just too long because we need encouragement and reminders to be hopeful every. single day.

(Or maybe it’s just me?)

(It’s not. This life is hard.)

March was a challenging month for me in every area of my life: career, relationships, friendships, finances, health, and sense of self-worth. I was never hopeless or in total despair and I did have honestly thankful moments. Even at my worst I was so glad that my parents’ collective health was ok. However, I battled and am still battling anger, disappointment, fear, insecurity, whininess, pity-seeking, selfishness, and pride. I feel sorry for anyone who had to hear even a bit about how I’ve been feeling about all the different areas in my life. The good news is I’m getting through it and I truly thank God for that.

One great blessing that happened was yesterday. It was Earth Hour and between 8:30 and 9:30 in the evening people around the world were encouraged to turn off their lights and generally consume as little energy as possible. I was committed to this idea. My laptop’s battery and phone battery were almost completely drained so I plugged them in before Earth Hour with the idea that I’d have enough “juice” in them to power them for the next hour so I could stay connected to the world. But as I ran around my house unplugging everything, I realized that to truly commit to this, I would have to unplug my modem and my router, meaning no internet on my computer!

(The horror, right?)

But I’d still have my phone.

However, five minutes into Earth Hour, I realized that wasn’t how I wanted to spend my hour. Instead of it being a case of “Let me use all the devices that I can until they die and then sit here counting down until 9:30pm”, I wanted to to use the time to reflect so that’s what I did. I prayed about some of the things on my mind, brought up all the scenarios dancing around my head and tried to work out strategies to tackle them. I should have written it down but I was in a cocoon I had created for myself with blankets and asking me to move would have been too much.

However I’ve taken time today to write down most of it and work on a plan for success in those areas that are lagging.

And guess what? The hour flew by, I came out of it calmer and more at peace.

March was not easy but I did learn some lessons:

  • Sometimes the very thing you think will bring you closer will drive you apart.
  • Just because something is your priority does not make it someone else’s priority, no matter how much they love you.
  • Very few people in this world can give you unconditional love like family.
  • Don’t settle for less (especially with cable and internet companies!)
  • You will probably regret letting your pride win (this is a lesson my pride insists on letting me learn the hard way…ouch in advance!).
  • Fear of failure will stop you from reaching your full potential so DO IT ALREADY. I can do it!!! (To help, I’m watching Living Fearlessly tomorrow).
  • You cannot make someone want the best for themselves. If you’re working harder than they are for it, there’s a problem there.

I wish you all the best in April…let’s show this month who’s boss!

Filed under: Personal by Good Naija Girl | 5 Comments »

Thankful Thursday tweets

March 22, 2012

I don’t always post my Thankful posts on Thursday but as of last Thursday, I’m going to tweet them on Thursday! Look for thankful tweets between 11:00am and 4:00pm EST—my goal is to share at least one thing that I’m thankful for each hour. I hope you’ll join in the fun. You can find me on twitter tweeting as @goodnaijagirl (no surprise!).

The one huge thing I’m thankful for this week is the gorgeous weather! In a city where the temperature is usually hovering close to zero degrees at this time of the year, it’s amazing to have temperatures that are 20 degrees above zero. Maybe I should be worrying about global warming but for now I’m loving this weather.

Filed under: Thankful Thursdays by Good Naija Girl | 4 Comments »

State of the hair address

March 13, 2012

My hair’s at the point where I just want to shave it off! It looks terrible and it’s because I don’t get excited at the thought of styling my hair: washing, weekly deep conditioning, and occasionally using a curling iron is all I can commit to. The rest of the time it looks really bad, as if I was raised without knowledge of what a comb or brush is. I wear a “satin” sleeping cap to bed and that keeps me from waking up with severe “bedhead”, and I use that as an excuse to do no more than take off the cap and head to work, often without even combing my hair. Really, I’m a mess…see for yourself:

I increased the time between relaxers to make my hair healthier (I used to relax it every 8-9 weeks, now I’m going 12-13 weeks between relaxers) and around the 10-week mark my hair looks pretty atrocious, with the new growth and old growth vying for supremacy. Obviously my laziness doesn’t help: I’m still waiting for a miracle where I can wake up and have hair that’s good to go. When my financial blessings increase (by God’s grace), I’ll commit funds to regular hair appointments for sure. I dream of having weekly hair appointments, where someone else washes my hair, deep-conditions it, and styles it—does anyone have a husband who’s taken on the task of personal hair stylist so I can dream of all that awaits me in married life? :)

My hair’s been relaxed since I was 17 years old and the reason I initially went the relaxed route is because I naively thought my hair would behave in that “wash and wear” style that my hair did not: I thought I’d be able to wash my relaxed hair, have it air dry, and have it move when I moved, so when I’d nod for example, I’d feel the gentle weight of my hair at the back of my neck. Hah! That illusion was shattered pretty early in my relaxed hair journey. I discovered that many of the Black women I had seen on television and in magazines with what I thought was swishy relaxed hair that moved were actually wearing weaves or wigs, or their ancestry included other groups of people whose hair was a different texture from mine. Oh the disappointment! Oh my naiveté!

So here I am, 16 years later, and with the exception of the braids I get done when I visit Nigeria, I’ve been rocking relaxed hair. I always love my braids, and I wear them for months here until they start looking really awful. My excuse for not getting my hair braided here is the expense: it’s crazy to pay $120 (or much more) for a head of braids when the cost for braids in Nigeria would be a fraction of that and in many cases the styles that would be done would be much more complex and so well done! Even though I know Canada and Nigeria are different, it still galls me to think of paying so much for a head of braids. But then I have to consider how long the braids would last. If that $120 gives me braids I can wear for three months, a style that would literally be wash and go, then it’s worth it. My hair will look perfect every day. I won’t have to think about how unkempt I look and for me that’s about as good as it gets. I wish I could be like my mom, sister, and other women who care about their appearance to the level of making an effort but alas, I think I was born without that gene.

My sister and I didn’t learn to braid hair, which is a shame because we could be helping each other now, and we’d also be ready for our future daughters. I’m starting to think I’m too old to learn but that’s just an excuse: when I have a little girl (or when I’m expecting one!) I’ll be more motivated to learn.

If I were to succumb to the desire to chop most of my hair off, I’d have other hair management issues (because I secretly—and perhaps erroneously—think unrelaxed hair requires more maintenance than relaxed hair). And what if I turn out to be one of those women who looks hideous (or mannish) with short hair (unlike women who look pixieish, feminine, delicate, and adorable with short hair)? The horror!

So where does this leave me? Searching for a stylish headband to mask the growth, one that doesn’t leave me looking like I forgot to take off my headband after washing my face or exercising. I’m also left twitching to get my hair relaxed while trying to see if I can wait until the first weekend of April to do it. I’m also contemplating braiding my hair, but I think I’d need to relax it first anyway. I almost asked a woman I saw on the bus yesterday if she could refer me to whoever braided her hair but I didn’t, so I’ll research that as well.

How are you currently wearing your hair?

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Filed under: Hair by Good Naija Girl | 14 Comments »

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