Here’s something I’ve thought about once or twice: when I finally enter the dating game (you’d think that at age 28.5 I’d be a seasoned veteran, right?), I’d have to figure out how to tell a boyfriend that I don’t intend to “put out” until I’m married. I dread this conversation and I dread having to deal with a stream of men running for their lives the instant they hear that I will not be having sex with them after three dates, three weeks or three months. Or longer.
I agree that if a guy leaves me over that, then he’s not worth it anyway and I’ll be glad I got away from him without getting my heart (or body parts) too involved. And if I was having any doubts, a book that I’m reading reinforced my decision to wait before having sex and answered some questions I had. I am 2/3 through Not Tonight Mr. Right, by Kate Taylor. The book isn’t written from a Christian perspective, although she acknowledges that some may be waiting before having sex for religious reasons. A UK native, Taylor’s book is hilarious: I’ve actually had to stop myself from bursting into laughter while reading this book on my morning commute to work.
If you’re looking for a lasting relationship or marriage, and if you’ve been dating men without any success, I’d recommend you read this book to find out what bad habits you may have picked up from the way you’ve been dating. She also explains the role that oxytocin, adrenaline and dopamine play in this whole relationship/commitment/love thing. The book is less than 200 pages and so easy to read that you’ll fly through it in no time.
That being said, I don’t know any friends who waited longer than three months before having sex, and the author above recommends that those who aren’t waiting for their engagement or their wedding night to have sex should wait at least six months. And of course my friends who didn’t wait past a couple of months are happily married to good men who adore them so I guess sometimes having sex “early” doesn’t doom your relationship. I, however, like the explanations the author gives for her suggestions and would encourage any of my friends who are having dating troubles to consider them. All my friends are married or engaged or almost engaged so really, I can only offer it to the singles who read this blog (and myself).
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So, remember the guy that I met who is unsuitable? Well I think he thought I was playing hard to get or something. Admittedly, I wasn’t being harsh in my emails because I think he’s a genuinely good guy but I did tell him that we can’t be anything but friends. He said he was fine about that but then made some noise about he not thinking that I would be easy to win. He calls me Olori, which is a bit addictive to hear but bad me! I cannot swoon at such things, no matter how much I like that kind of nonsense. So finally I had to tell him that we may not be able to be friends if he doesn’t stop with the flattering words and vows to win me and he didn’t respond to that email. I’m not mad, because this is probably best, but why do I feel disappointed? Oh I know: because it’s been a while since I got excited about a guy and darn it, why couldn’t he live in Canada and be Christian?
More fish in the sea though, right?