A lesson about men

The one lesson about the opposite sex that I’ve learned this year is that nearly all men are afraid of confrontation. I added the “nearly” to be fair, but I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t run the other way when he thinks a woman might get upset over something. I used to think that oyinbo men were more afraid of confrontation than their African counterparts but I was dead wrong on that count!

I’m baffled by the fact that a guy would rather say nothing and continue to give a woman hope than say “I’m just not that into you”. Sometimes they will even make all the motions to show that they are into you when the opposite is true because they think the world will fragment into a million pieces if you were to get upset, raise your voice or question something they say.

I consider myself a fairly enlightened woman, and I tend to err on the side that assumes that a guy is not into me rather than look for little scraps of “evidence” to prove it. Even so, I’ve seen some things this year that shock me. I cannot believe that grown men, in their 30s and beyond, will do all manner of things to avoid saying something they think a woman won’t want to hear. I understand not wanting to deal with an unfavourable reaction but I think every adult knows by now that life doesn’t always go the way you wish it would, and they can deal with a little pain (or even a lot of pain). Men have to stop thinking that women will die without them in their lives…it’s not that serious o! If any men are reading this: the truth hurts, but omissions and evasions hurt even more. Rip the bandaid off and tell the woman in your life the unadulterated truth for once! Even if her reaction is to yell at you, cry or give you the cold shoulder, you can handle it, just like they can handle what you have to say.

I’m tired of talking to women who have men who are blowing hot and cold: showing a scrap of affection, then doing something insensitive and uncaring. It annoys me even more when I hear that a man has chosen this evasive technique because he doesn’t want to hurt the woman. If you survey one thousand women, I doubt they will say an evasive man who runs from confrontation was better than a man who was direct and kept it real, even when he knew it would hurt.

3 thoughts on “A lesson about men

  1. Too true GNG.
    To some extent of course.
    Let me speak for myself….
    I do not like confrontations with women.
    However, when it comes to important issues like love and emotions, better to confront asap than to ‘dilly-dally’.
    Saves a lotta time and effort.

  2. Pingback: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match « All the single ladies unite!

  3. What a great article! And I definitely agree, it’s a lot crueller for men to pretend and keep the ‘relationship’ going just because they are too gutless to end it and be honest than to just cut the crap and say what they’re thinking. It would save a whole lot of heartache months (or maybe years) down the line. Women, if he’s avoiding, do what I did and ask directly!!! Yes, I got the answer I was dreading, but if I’d have left it to him, I’d still be in limbo. The longer you leave it, the less time you have to get over it!

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