You know what is really cool? Having a friend ask me if I can put her question out there for the wonderful blog community to answer or speak out on, probably because y’all had such good suggestions for Amber (although I never heard from Amber again…let’s hope she tossed her Naija guy to the curb!). Without further ado, here’s the question:
I met a man about a month ago, he appears to have everything I want in a man. He is brilliant, educated, ambitious, comes from a good family, wants to start a family of his own in the near future. He is Nigerian, we share the same values, goals, and I can talk to him for hours. He is God fearing, has a career, loves and respects me and he has given me no reason to distrust him and is always honest with me. He is an okay looking man but the problem is that I am not physically/sexually attracted to him. He is short and physically not my type. He wants a commitment from me, he knows I have reservations about committing but he is not sure exactly why. What should I do? Should I make it clear that its the physical attraction? Should I commit and see if I become attracted to him? or Should I break it off and move on?
How would you respond to this woman? Like I said, this is a friend so I know her to be intelligent, caring, funny and kind. She’s not the type to jump into a relationship just because and I know she’s looking to settle down. That’s why she’s truly struggling with this. She knows that good men are hard to find yet doesn’t want to settle. She doesn’t want to be shallow, yet she doesn’t want to end up resenting her boyfriend or husband because she decided to downplay the importance of physical attraction. She also doesn’t want to throw this fish back into the sea, only to discover that only algae is left in the sea.
Here’s what I think:
I think that physical attraction can grow so if you love everything else about the person, meet up again, maybe a few more times, and see if you can see yourself being with this person in a relationship sort of way and not just as good friends. If not, if you have no desire to kiss the guy, or hold his hand, or rip off his clothes (which GNG recommends doing only after you’re married :D), you must say goodbye.
My answer was short to give y’all the space to share what you think. Oya: speak!