After some disappointments in matters of the heart last year and this year, I’m ready to try again and I’ve been thinking about my strategy. When you’re 34 you definitely need a strategy: sitting at home looking cute will not do the trick, and if I’m honest, while I do the “sitting at home” part extremely well, the “looking cute” part could use some work! ;)
(Don’t worry, I have a “few” suggestions on how I could improve my appearance–har har.)
My strategy at this time won’t include online dating, even though I know that online dating works: over the past ten years I can name four friends who met their spouses online. If I thought a bit harder I’m sure a few more names would come to me. But it doesn’t feel like the right option for me right now. As one of my friends said recently, “online dating doesn’t work for fat girls”. But wait! This post is not about the injustices of the online dating for big women, I’m just saying it doesn’t seem to work. Are there ways a fat girl can make online dating work better for her? Of course—”all” she has to do is lose weight or get more confident! But that is not what this post is about . If you are overweight and have found love online, then you’ve proven my friend and I wrong, but in my observations, very average-looking people who are neither too short (men) or too large (women) appear to have more success with online dating than the opposite, especially if we measure success as “being asked out on dates”. I haven’t online dated since 2009 though so what do I know?
Another phenomenon I’ve seen with online dating is people seem to ignore the saying “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”: people behave like there are plenty of fish in the sea, even if they’re on a dating site that is not Plenty of Fish! So they’ll go on one date with you and if you don’t blow their minds, they move on to the next person. One date isn’t enough to figure out if a nice enough date might be worth getting to know. If someone makes you sick after one date, don’t go on more dates with them but if you feel neutral after the date, it might be worth planning a second date. Like I said, I’m rusty in the online dating game but a couple of my friends aren’t, so this entire paragraph is based on their recent experiences.
I read a book that really challenged me to seek offline opportunities to meet men, Get the Guy . I’d recommend it to anyone interested in becoming a more confident, well-rounded person because despite the title the book isn’t trying to sell cheap tricks on how to snag men…it’s more about authentically becoming an interesting person who all sorts of people, including men, will gravitate to—the self-help fan in me loves that idea.
If you’re a bubbly extrovert who oozes confidence, you may not get as much from the book. In social situations with the opposite sex I tend to be quiet or worse, in the past I’d assume that any guy talking to me was doing so because he wanted to get closer to my friend or to my sister. You can see where the confidence aspect of the book would benefit me!
So to put my (proverbial) money where my mouth is, I’ll be attending a (free) singles event being held at a local RCCG (Redeemed Christian Church of God) this weekend. I attended last year and found most of the speakers pretty good. Last year’s event would have been more impactful if attendees were roughly divided up by age: there were children younger than 13 or 14 at the event and while it’s good to start preparing them at a young age, I just don’t think we have the same issues. Initially I wasn’t going to attend this year’s event because what I got out of the conference last year wasn’t enough to make me eager to attend, but I need to make an effort and a friend mentioned she was going so I twisted my own arm and decided to go.
I’ll share more of my strategy in coming posts. I may also revisit my great-aunt the matchmaker.
Did you or anyone you know meet their spouse online?