Another one bites the dust

If you know me, you know that I’m an advocate of online dating, as long as the internet is used as a tool to meet someone, and the ultimate goal is to meet in person (and not carry on a relationship that remains strictly online/on the phone).

But in the past year, I’ve discovered that due to my issues with my weight (which I mentioned in my last entry), I have difficulty getting from “getting to know you online” to “meeting in person”. I spend too much time stressing over the fact that despite the realistic pictures that I have sent, despite the fact that my online profile says I’m fat, a guy will see me in person and run away, traumatized. I’m ridiculous, I know, but it’s a fear I have a hard time shaking. My friends are always surprised at how real this fear of mine is, and the crazy things it leads me to say and do.

To deal with my fear that an in-person meeting will be the kiss of death, I tell the guy every time we speak that I’m fat, fatter than any girl he’s ever met probably, and I tell him I don’t think he’d find me attractive because of the fat (but I do say that aside from the excess weight, I’m a catch). I repeat the whole “I’m fat” part to the point that the guy always asks me to please stop talking about it. Or sometimes I scare them so much that they are now afraid I’m the size of a bus and unable to move around. I met a few guys from dating sites last year and one of the first things two of them said was that I’m not as big as they thought I would be, based on what I had said! Don’t let that fool you into thinking that I’m one of those people who is five or ten (or twenty or fifty) pounds overweight and is pretending it’s the end of the world. I wish!

My most recent experience Scaring Off Men With My Weight was a big lesson to me because it was the first time in a long time that I met a guy who I was starting to imagine being part of my life. You know the drill: you imagine introducing them to certain key people in your life, you see something that reminds you of them and buy it or let them know, you tell them that you think they’re a really remarkable human being, you start to get inside jokes between the two of you..and then, because of insecurity, after eight months things take a turn for the worst.

As a Christian, I believe this latest situation was meant to teach me a lesson. Next time, I will not sabotage myself. Next time I will not try to protect myself from being hurt by getting the guy to leave (which I figure he’ll do after he sees me anyway). Even though I was trying to protect myself, I still got hurt, so why not just go with the flow and see what happens?

Next time, after posting realistic pictures (which I always do), and being honest about my weight on a dating profile (or on the phone or by email; whatever), which I also always do, I won’t mention my weight again.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to believe that God still has someone in mind for me, and he’s using experiences like the latest one to prepare me for him.

7 thoughts on “Another one bites the dust

  1. I am sorry the last situation did not work out. It might be a little hard to break the habit of self-sabotage, so it is good you wrote this post ‘cos hopefully when you are in a similar situation in the future, you will be able to remember this promise you made to yourself more poignantly. Good luck GNG!

  2. I really admire your honesty. It’s always the best policy. I can also relate to the self sabotage-protection thing. You will meet the right person. Someone who appreciates you for who you really are. And isn’t that what we all need? All the best on your Naija trip. Enjoy.

  3. If your weight bothers u this much hun, why don’t you try and do something about it?

    On the otherhand, I know quite a number of men who love full figured women, so there’s a lot of hope your hubby will find you in due time

  4. Pingback: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match « All the single ladies unite!

  5. I agree with Daisy. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman with confidence whether she is a size 6 or size 28. Not all men like ‘smaller’ women, every guy has his personal preference, there is a guy whom God has created specifically for you and you for him, however it does seem like you do have low-self esteem because your weight and if its not something your comfortable with then it would be advised that you do something about it. A guy will never accept you unless you accept yourself first.

  6. My Sister, it seems to me that if we were living in a virtual word where it was all brains and no form, you would have been married even before your sisters. But in the real world we are, it seems the game is different. Rather than being optimistic for who knows how long why don’t you make a real effort to reduce your weight a bit. Frankly speaking, i imagine at least twenty guys will be up for the taking before 2011 ends. Its bitter first then it becomes sweet with time. Lets talk some more…

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