On African Time

How do you feel when you hear of “African Time” or “Nigerian Time”?

Since I joined that Nigerian Association that I mentioned earlier, one problem I see so far is a lack of respect of time. When we were setting up the first meeting and we agreed upon 6pm, I asked if it was African Time or actual time. Everyone insisted it was not African Time yet only three of us arrived on time, four if you count the president, who was hosting us. One person arrived five or ten minutes after us, two were half an hour late while two were an hour and 20 minutes late. A mention about the importance of arriving on time was met with nonchalance. The meeting started 30 minutes late.

Worse than the latecomers to me was the time that was taken by the president to summarize what the late arrivals missed…during the meeting! Those of us who arrived on time were now penalized by having to hear a 20 minute review of what we had already sat through. I don’t object to the president briefing them but in this case it should have been done after the meeting. If they were having trouble keeping up with the topic then they could have asked questions (though to be honest the topic wasn’t really one that required knowledge of what happened beforehand).

But this issue of time is one that haunts many of us. African Time and the casual treatment of time may work in Nigeria and other countries (though we really have to ask if it does), but here, when you arrange a meeting with a Canadian, they expect you to arrive on time. A sheepish “Shebi you know African Time” as you waltz in 15 minutes late for a job interview will almost surely cost you the job. If you ever invite Canadians to a wedding, I can assure you they will arrive at least 10-15 minutes early, so if you’re still setting things up at this time, prepare to be embarrassed. If a time has been set for an event, that is the time you will find a Canadian sitting or standing, ready to participate. You will not often see a Canadian driving in to an event at the time he or she is supposed to be standing on stage.

Let me be clear: I am not saying that ALL Nigerians (or Africans more generally) are perpetually late, or that all Canadians are on time or early. However, many Nigerians tend to be late for community functions and there is lack of respect for starting times. I attended a Nigerian wedding last year where guests walked in during the ceremony, almost one hour after it began! Thankfully it was an outdoor wedding because if I was that late and it was a church wedding I would just sit outside until it was over; I can’t imagine risking calling attention away from the ceremony by entering the church, and maybe the latecomers in this situation would not have either.

I’m naturally inclined to be late. I procrastinate and regularly underestimate the time needed to accomplish various tasks. I have a weekly date with my friends and there is a running joke about how late I will be. My weak argument is we don’t really have a set time for this recurring event so am I really late when I waltz in a good 1-2 hours behind the others? But anyway, when I know that my being late will let down the others in my team, I arrive on time. When something is important enough to me, I arrive on time, and I think that’s human nature. In the example of this Nigerian association, these first meetings as a Board should be put into the high-priority category for all of us and deserve the respect of arriving on time.

I was discussing this topic with one of the early birds at our second meeting and he said the problem is that people don’t want to waste their own time, so they come late so they aren’t waiting for an event that is running late to start. So it ends up being a bit of a vicious cycle: people arrive late because they don’t think the event will start on time, and the event doesn’t start on time because nobody is there on time. If both sides of the equation just agreed upon a start time and stuck to it, we’d be fine!

We need to start events on time. If an event is supposed to start at 7pm, that’s when it should start, give or take five or maximum 10 minutes. Those who arrive late will join it where it is. Let’s not run the risk of telling those who arrive on time by our actions that they are not important enough for the event to proceed by not starting on time.

All that I’ve said does not apply to people who indicate ahead of time that they will be late, or who decide to drop by unexpectedly, last minute. And when we talk about being late, five or 10 minutes isn’t bad in my opinion but once you get closer to 20 minutes, it starts to look serious. I’m talking about people who commit to attending an event and then show up sooo late. In the past, the idea of putting 6pm on an invitation for an event that starts at 7pm has been suggested, but wouldn’t it be easier if people started taking the time indicated on invitations seriously, and how will they do that unless people start events on time?

Are you always late or always on time? What tricks can be used to better manage time?

Alcohol and danceclubs

(Is the title a Nigerian parent’s worst nightmare or what?)

Solomon Sydelle’s last TTTEC topic was about a girl who met her boyfriend of 15 months at a club and is now afraid to tell her mother where she met him because her mother doesn’t know she goes clubbing. Friends that I have met through this blog have asked if me if I go clubbing and well, back in the day, I could always answer in the affirmative. (Can I still be Good Naija Girl if I was once a a regular frequenter of clubs????)

I understand the reluctance to keep your parents from knowing you go to clubs, but I don’t like to take risks and if something bad were to happen (God forbid!) downtown in my city, I’d want my parents to know that they should be concerned because their firstborn baby girl is out there shaking it on the dance floor to Toni Braxton’s He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me (Oops! Did I accidentally-on-purpose date myself?). So I voluntarily used to let my parents know where I was going, who I was going with and I provided the phone numbers of my friends’ parents (we didn’t have cell phones back then). My parents never asked for this info but I did this more for my own well-being. When I got a cell phone I encouraged my parents to call me whenever they were worried but they rarely did: I was the one who would call them to see if they were ok.

Don’t let that fool you into thinking that they didn’t worry constantly about my nighttime activities (and disapprove of them). Both of my parents are averse to the idea of clubbing. Many times my dad told me that it’s all about not taking undue risks: if someone gets into trouble downtown at 3:00pm, no one wonders why s/he was out there in the first place…at 3:00am it’s another matter (you know how our people like to say in retrospect “Ah! If only s/he didn’t go to that club!” Of course s/he’d be fine if s/he didn’t go to the club…but if s/he works in a grocery store and is showing up for his/her 3:00pm shift when things go wrong, no one’s going to say “Ah! If only s/he had skipped work today.” (Ok, some people would still say that, but one sounds more ludicrous than the other.)

I thought I came up with the perfect response when my parents would express concern about my nocturnal activities (aka every time I stepped out of the house dressed to party): I told them that they had done a good job raising me, that in fact they had done all they could do and now they just had to trust that I’ll remember all that I have been taught. Then I learned that it wasn’t my conduct that they worried about, but the conduct of others out there, and I just didn’t (and still don’t) have a good response to that. Although I’m glossing over it here, we had many tense moments over my insistence on going to clubs and their displeasure with the idea. But my parents never forbade me from leaving the house so even though I could taste the disapproval in their expressions, I still went. Maybe today they can say they respect me for having strong convictions (or, I guess they could use it as yet another example of what a disobedient child they raised; though in my defense they never said “Good Naija Girl: you cannot go to a club”!).

I didn’t have an alcoholic drink until I was 21, by choice (the legal age limit to drink in my part of the world is 18 or 19, depending where you are). My parents have always had alcoholic beverages in the house so it wasn’t lack of access that prevented me, just lack of interest. I don’t like the smell of beer or wine, and just never cared for the stuff (I still don’t). My first drink and my first club experience happened on the same night, and my mom drove my friends and I to the club (the only time I recall her being part of such a thing). My drink of choice for many years after that was called sex on the beach…hilarious for one such as I. It’s a girly, fruity drink, with a vodka base.

In the last 10 years I have been to many clubs and danced the night away. I think the average number of drinks I have per excursion is probably less than 1 because for me, all I need to have a good time in a club is good music (also: I’m cheap and the prices clubs charge for drinks is ridiculous!). I can also count on one hand the number of times I’ve danced with members of the opposite sex; I’m known among my friends for preferring to dance on my own. For me, clubbing is truly about dancing to the music, nothing more.

One of my best friends met her husband of five years in a club, and my other best friends (who have been married for eight years) can credit our weekly visits to danceclubs as a factor in their getting to know each other and deciding to take their relationship to the next level. To me, not everyone who goes to a club is a bad person. However, I know that clubs are not considered good places for Christians to be seen, and a majority of the music and catchy beats preach messages that Christians definitely don’t endorse or stand for. I struggle with wanting to enjoy a night out dancing and wanting to behave in a way that is God-honouring. Most of the time I make the wrong choice. Do Christian clubs exist?

For obvious reasons, I have never understood the concept of keeping your activities a complete secret from your parents. I’m sure most of my friends thought I was crazy for telling my parents that I was going to a venue where I would be drinking or be in contact with people who drank, but that’s what worked for me. I guess it helps that I’ve never been drunk and have no intention of ever drinking to the point of inebriation. My brothers definitely do not share the same philosophy I do, and I know how much I used to worry when I’d see them getting ready to go to the club, not knowing how many places they’d be going to that night, how they planned to get there and get home and what would transpire. Now that I don’t live with them, it’s only when I call home and find out that Brother #1 left home at 10pm and it’s now the morning of the next day and no one has heard from him that I start to panic. Parenting is not easy and because of that, we owe our parents at least one or two reassuring details…what do you think?

Also, I know some people would rather die than tell their (Nigerian) parents that they drink, go to clubs, have a tattoo, etc. Is it not wanting to disappoint your parent or something else that is stopping you from telling the truth? I do hope that no one genuinely fears their parents’ reaction were they to discover an activity that they currently keep secret.

Let’s make a deal

It’s not only Nigerians who can claim this, but we immigrants love to get a bargain. it’s not our fault though: we all know you can bargain anything in Naija (or you could when I was last there). And in fact, playing the bargaining game is part of the fun of shopping, especially in the market.

Parents or older folks are more adamant about bargaining, no matter where they are, it seems. For example, I was at the dollar store one day (everything in this store is one dollar or lower; it was a correct dollar store sha) and I saw a man asking the cashier if he could get a better deal on his purchases since he was buying so many things. Too bad he didn’t look around and see the rest of us with our full shopping carts, scooping up these one dollar bargains like the end of the world was near.

While some of us might be more timid about asking for a discount, or trying to get a bargain, and the rest of us might just be too lazy to try, our parents are usually less shy. I can understand trying to bargain when you’re dealing with somebody who is selling something on their own, and not as part of a larger corporation. But when you’re trying to buy something at a store that has their prices clearly posted around the place and in their flyers, my philosophy is you either buy it, wait for it to go on sale, or steal it (joke). My mom sha, she’ll sometimes try to see if she can get a deal:

Sign beside sweater says it costs $50
My mom: Hello, how much is this sweater?
Store clerk: Oh, it’s $50 ma’am
My mom: Hmmm, that is expensive.
Store clerk: *uncertain giggle*
My sister or I: Moooooom!
My mom: Is it on sale?
Store clerk: Sorry, it’s still regular price.
My mom: Oh, that’s a shame. It’s really nice.
Store clerk: *uncertain giggle*
My sister or I: Moooom! It’s not on sale. You know that. Can we leave now? Ugh!

I don’t think my mom has paid full price for many things in her life.

My dad is the same, but his technique is more of the “we’re brothers now” tactic. So, when he hired someone to do some odd maintenance around the house, for example, and they are discussing the cost, he slapped the guy on the back in a friendly manner and said “Oh, come now, you’ll accept $X right?” (where X is significantly less than what they are charging). He often ends up getting some sort of bargain sha, not as low as he suggests, of course, but that’s how bargaining works. My parents’ motto when it comes to negotiating and bargaining is It’s always worth a try!

Me, I like to wait for those sales where things are discounted by 50% or more. Anything else just feels like I’m paying too much. I love reading flyers on the weekend and seeing what random item I can get on sale. It doesn’t even matter whether I need the item or not: if it’s on sale by 75% or more, I will likely buy it.

My parents and I sometimes fight because although I love bargains, I do not try to bargain with the seller, even with big ticket items. Their problem with this is that buying big ticket items like electronics or cars or houses are great opportunities to bargain, even in Oyinboland. It is the one time where you can ask if they’ll throw in a trunk organizer with the car you’re purchasing and they won’t look at you and wonder where you are from. When you are buying a computer, that’s the time to ask if they can give you the printer or laptop bag for free. But me, I just wait for the camera or television or car to be at an unbelievable price before buying it. I’m still waiting sha.

What have you learned about bargaining from your parents or family? Are you a bargain shopper?

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