Today I wanted to follow up on the entry I wrote about immigrating to Canada. A dear friend’s brothers in Nigeria want her to send them a letter, inviting them to visit her. Her brothers don’t just want to visit: they want to find a way to work while on a visitor’s visa, earn some money and then return to Nigeria. The laws of Canada say you cannot work on a visitor’s visa and my friend is one of those rule following types (she probably hasn’t ever downloaded music illegally either!). As a result, she told her siblings that she cannot in good conscience agree to the visit. Besides telling them that it’s illegal to work on a visitor’s visa, she tried to get them to see that their actions if they were to get caught could reflect on her good name. If the authorities were to ask her if she knew that her siblings’ intentions were to do more than just visit, she would have to say YES she knew. I would have made the same decision she did.

Unfortunately a no, even with the most rational of explanations, even one that offers another way of getting the same end, is not often accepted easily. The alternative that my friend has given is that the brothers work on raising the money to attend a one or two year college or post graduate diploma in Canada, apply to a school in Canada, preferably one in my friend’s city, get admission, then use the information sent to them by the educational institution to get a student visa. If the school is in the same city as my friend, then her siblings could live (rent free) with her while studying. They would also be able to work (on campus at least) to earn extra money which they can use to save for the next semester of school or save for their future goal of relocating to Nigeria with money.

The problem with this plan for her brothers (and for my family members in the past) is that it’s a long and slow process. They would rather buy a plane ticket and come here without a plan, and find a way around the system rather than sit down and write it out on paper, see if it’s feasible, then act.

When I think of my own parents’ journey, it wasn’t the fastest one. Due to the fact that we lived in the one province that has different immigration rules from the others for one year, we had to restart the process. In the end it took an unusually long time for my parents, sister and I to get our papers sorted out and obtain citizenship — just over 10 years! This is definitely above the average. I had nothing to do with the process but I know there were frustrations on my parents’ part to make sure the statuses of all family members (except my brothers who were born in Canada) were up to date and visas renewed when they had to be. Of course, those times are not too deep in my parents’ memories but I think their relatives forget the amount of time that the process actually required. But knowing what we know now, we know that any family or friend who is prepared to come to Canada legally would be able to get citizenship in a much shorter time period.

What continually upsets me is the fact that despite all that has been said, family members continue to think there’s an easy way to get here that we refuse to share with them, that we’re being unnecessarily “stuffy” with our insistence on keeping things legal. Why wouldn’t we want our loved ones close to us? What do we have to gain by keeping this “secret” from them?

To anyone dealing with the situation my friend is in regarding communicating the reality of immigration and making money in Canada to family members, I’d say it’s important to stress that the process can be long but when all is said and done (legally) it will be worth it in the long-run. If you play your cards right you will be able to move freely between both countries and either settle permanently abroad, or take your education and skills back home and use them to better your life and hopefully the lives of others. If you’ve waited this long already, what is another few years? (Note: I’m not saying that “a few years” is nothing, but let’s think big picture.) Instead of calling family members with the latest thing you heard from someone who has never left Nigeria’s shores about how things work abroad (of course that person heard it from someone else who has probably never left the country), use the time (yes, the years!) to work with what you have at your disposal to be the best you can be.

And please, don’t misinterpret me:
I know that life in Nigeria is hard for many. I know some are desperate to leave the country, to go somewhere their skills and talents can be recognized and used to their full potential. I know some people have given Nigeria a very good try, have tried to build businesses and start new things that have failed due to countless factors beyond the control of the individual. I really get that!

I also know that I am blessed that I came here as a child, in the pocket of my parents, so to speak. I have not been where my relatives or my friend’s siblings are. If the roles were reversed I may very well be the one sitting in Nigeria thinking that my relatives aren’t doing enough for me, or don’t want to see me thrive. I recognize that I haven’t “been in the shoes” (literally) of those who don’t mind doing things illegally to get where they want to be. I’ve never had that desperation. But, I actually firmly believe that there are very few situations where the only alternative is to do something illegal. Oftentimes it’s impatience that leads people to do things the wrong way.

Finally, I know people who want to leave Nigeria but who are willing to make lemonade with the lemons they currently have, sell the lemonade for a few years and save some of the profits for the future plans to immigrate. Some find that their lemonade leads to a business or idea that allows them to support themselves quite well in Nigeria, and abandon plans of trying to go abroad. My cousin is an accountant and her husband works in a bank. Things haven’t been good for them financially, but they are surviving. However, for at least five years, my cousin has been buying and selling on a small scale, finding a way to supplement their income with this (in fact this is more profitable than her job at the moment). She recently got in contact with a friend in the UK and the two of them are partners in that he provides her with merchandise that she sells, and she’s doing very well with that. She’s making really good lemonade from what I can see!

This is longer than I wanted it to be, and if you read it to the end, I appreciate it. This idea of immigration and helping people to come here the right way is one that I am passionate about. I intend to find a way to do more for the cause in the future.

Well, I mean I can’t wait to meet her!

We’ve known each other for over six years but we met online. Almost immediately she referred to me as “sis” and I always felt like her big sister. In fact I think there was a time when my sister was a bit annoyed that I had met someone who lived so far away who called me sis. Camryn is Filipino and although she moved around a bit, she stayed pretty far away from me, spending time in Dubai and Singapore. We have exchanged a few cards and letters over the years, and in recent years apart from a marathon chat session on yahoo once or twice a year, we don’t keep in contact very regularly. However wee managed to maintain some closeness (I guess we set a good foundation in earlier years).

I remember when she was finishing her studies (in architecture) and writing exams. I remember before her wedding we talked about how cool it would be if I could attend but we never discussed it past that. I remember receiving the link to view her wedding pictures online. She was an absolutely gorgeous bride. She has a relative in the US and I remember her mentioning a couple of times that we should try to meet up one of these days if she ever visits her aunt.

Then a few years ago she mentioned that she and her husband were trying to immigrate to Canada. I didn’t know if it was a plan or if they had taken formal action but here we are, nearly three years later. They were able to both come here under the Federal Skilled Worker program and I’m so happy for them that everything came into place at long last. The process wasn’t quick and there were undoubtedly some frustrations and expense (including time) involved, but they made it and will be permanent residents of Canada once they arrive; no need to worry about renewing visas. I’m so happy for them!

Of course I have to use them as an example for anyone who’s trying to move to a country where they think they might have better opportunities to realize their dreams. Know what you’re getting into and get yourself accurate information, from the appropriate sources. Several my family members have asked us for information and advice, received it, then thrown it in the trash while clinging to the “easier to hear” “advice” offered by one neighbour or friend who has never gone through the process or situation he or she is advising on. And of course in nearly all of the cases the result has been money and time wasted. One of our cousins did follow the advice with favourable results, but unfortunately he passed away and was not ever able to come to Canada (RIP Joseph).

The Canadian government website for immigration is here. If you are a student or want to study in Canada, if you are a professional and want to work here, or if you have a family member already in Canada and you want to know if they can sponsor you, you can find information that addresses your situation there. I focused on Canada but most countries have a similar websites that can give anyone willing to do the research the information they need.

There are some who have to stop thinking that there’s an easy way around the rules and regulations that govern the country they are considering moving to. These rules and sense of order may be the things they eventually appreciate about the country, even though they are annoying at first. Yes, the process can be long and frustrating, but if you read up on things, find trustworthy people who are living where you want to be who can give you a true picture of what things are like, and if you ensure you can cover the associated costs, the result will be something lovely like it was for Camryn and her husband.

If you live abroad, and you have family in your home country, you have probably faced this idea of helping your family “back home”. I know, I’m so funny, calling it an idea, as if it’s a philosophy one can choose to adopt or not. I guess there is some choice, but from the perspective of most of our loved ones back home, it’s less of a choice and more of an expectation. Not all relatives are greedy, but there are some who definitely fit the label. This expectation is based on the belief that life where you are is better than life where they are (Nigeria, for example), so it is your job to help them attain a level where they too can be comfortable, or in some cases, more than just comfortable.

This concept of helping family back home can be explored from so many different sides, and I can’t fully address it in one entry, so this will likely be one of a few, spread out over the next while. I had a lively discussion with my brother on the idea of providing financial aid to family members last night, and that is what I’ll focus on right now.

If you went abroad as a student, you probably had or have some family members who expected hoped that you would be able to send them something back regularly when you can. If you came here at a young age or were born abroad, then it was likely your parents that got the brunt of these expectations and requests. I fall into this latter category.

Like most, my parents are not the sort to make a big deal of supporting family members. When their counterparts were putting money aside for their annual vacations, my parents would be thinking about how best to maximize the money they were earning, so they could both support their expanding family and the families they were born into. They had to decide who to send to and when, and how much could be spared. I feel confident saying that those of you who have personally dealt with this approached the situation similarly: the money you sent home was never EXTRA (which implies that your wallets were just too full of money to contain it all), instead, you deprived yourself of things your counterparts enjoyed freely, be it buying your lunch, getting someone to do your hair, watching movies at the theatre (if you’re a student), or buying a brand new car when your 13 year old rusted one dies, renting a home for a few more years instead of saving a chunk of money to put toward a down payment on a house, or maybe shopping at secondhand stores (if you are an adult). Maybe you did all of the above at different times, but you did what you felt you had to do, this was/is life. You ensured your needs were met and probably treated yourself too, but tried to live relatively modestly so you could help family.

Now that I’m older, I am starting to see the full extent of what my parents do, and how little I do in comparison, but I am learning. It is my intention to do so much more than I currently do. Both of my younger brothers were born in Canada, and both are in school, which they are paying for primarily through loans. The elder of the two will tell you that he considers himself more Canadian than Nigerian and that as far as he is concerned, my parents’ obligations are to the family they created who live with them in Canada, and they should not be sending any money anywhere. Our debate or discussion yesterday hinged around this idea of giving even when it wasn’t comfortable for you. Mind you, he has no money to give anybody; he’s in debt himself, but it was the way he said that it’s only when he’s debt free and basically has a good job, a home and a car that he would think about seeing what he could do to help others. I know deep down he probably doesn’t mean it because he’s quite sensitive when he sees someone less fortunate than he is, but the way he said it, so uncaringly, angered me.

My argument was that if he doesn’t have a heart for generosity now, earning a six figure income will not bring that out. I bet many millionaires have not changed when it comes to that basic desire to help others, simply because they are earning more money (but maybe I’m wrong). I suspect that while some do share the wealth, others just graduate to a lifestyle that matches the extra money in the bank. There’s just something about saying you can’t help anyone out until you’re loaded that bothers me. I’m not saying give all that you have away then suffer, but we all know whether putting aside $200 every year to send home is possible or not (nevermind that it might not be considered a large enough sum by some recipients).

But not everyone that receives money back home is actually suffering are they? That’s a topic for another entry! Let’s just say that the more I learn about how things work in my family, the angrier I become when I hear that some don’t think my parents have done enough. I don’t know why I bother getting angry since it’s not like we have to prove anything to anyone. We are all accountable to a Higher Power.

Something tells me that at least some of you can relate, or share stories on the topic.

A friend of mine has a plan to be able to support her parents in a few years’ time and I had already been thinking of how I can accomplish the same thing myself. I just need an idea and a willingness to work toward it.