Loaning money to family members

Posted on May 23, 2012 by Good Naija Girl

Life was a lot easier when I was a student and my only responsibilities were to pay for school and study. Once I finished school and got a job, my financial responsibilities exploded: I now have to consider a mortgage and all those other house-related expenses (water, gas, electricity, condo fees, insurance), car payments and car insurance, cable, internet…you get the point. It’s never a problem to find something to spend money on!

Over two years ago I shared how like many abroad, my parents were helping their family back home. I mentioned that in comparison to my parents I hadn’t really done much. Since then I’ve had the opportunity to help family members but in two cases it hasn’t quite worked out the way I thought it would.

I loaned a sum of money to a cousin who was preparing to go to the UK for school. The amount I loaned him was small in comparison to the total amount he needed, but for me it was a significant amount. My cousin insisted it was a loan and I had no reason to think otherwise. However, we never discussed exactly when the repayment would commence and it has been nearly two years. Last year he was selling a game console (Xbox or something similar) on Facebook and I told him I knew where he could send the profit (meaning he could send it to me). He asked me what I meant and I told him he knew. The conversation was playful and casual, but I said it to remind him of the outstanding debt. It didn’t work. To add some spice to the story, I can no longer see him or his wife on Facebook, but maybe that’s because they no longer use Facebook.

The second loan was to a female cousin, one that I am quite close to. Of all my cousins on that side of the family, she’s the only one I would would loan money to because I believed she would definitely pay me back. Her need was urgent and her reason for needing the money sounded legitimate to me. She said it was a loan and told me when she would pay me back (in a matter of weeks). When that time came and went, she apologized for the delay. But now it’s been a year and I haven’t heard from her concerning the loan.

I’ve heard that you should never loan money that you can’t live without, meaning you should set your expectations low and assume you will not be seeing the money again. I did think I would get the money back but I’m so thankful that my life has not been inconvenienced as a result of not having that money–I’m truly blessed! For me the sad part is not that I haven’t gotten the money back but that neither cousin thought to let me know that it wasn’t a loan or that they would not be able to pay me back after all as planned.

I don’t think I’ll ever loan money again. Instead, if I decide to help out a family member I will gift them with the money. That way, the expectation of repayment is removed, and everyone will be able to sleep well at night.

Do you have a money-loaning philosophy? (For many that policy is “Don’t”!)

On protesting Nigeria’s fuel subsidy removal

Posted on January 14, 2012 by Good Naija Girl

You can’t go anywhere on blogville without hearing about the Occupy Nigeria movement that was sparked by the fuel subsidy removal, leading to more than doubling of fuel prices overnight (among other things). I want to talk about how this particular issue touches me from the perspective of a Nigerian who was raised in diaspora (ugh, I don’t like the way diaspora sounds).

When something serious happens in Nigeria, like bombings or a presidential election, I often don’t talk about them (on my blog or elsewhere) because they’re usually related to politics and I’m politically apathetic (I do vote though!). I’m not interested in Canadian, American, Nigerian, or any politics. I care about people, their struggles and how their lives are affected by politics.

Because I’m out of touch with politics, it’s hard to share a strong opinion when I’m not in Nigeria experiencing the event. So, that means I base my opinion on information culled from twitter, Wikipedia, and other online sources. Phone is my main mode of communication with our family in Nigeria, but when we talk, it’s more to make sure everyone’s alive and healthy than to have in-depth discussions; it’s just too expensive.

Though I lived in Nigeria between the ages of 3 and 6, I didn’t get to experience the (political, social) “system” because I was too young. If you’ve gone through Nigeria’s secondary school system, or post-secondary education, you have a better idea of the Nigerian system, how things work or don’t work. It’s not just that you have a better idea, you’ve actually lived it, and you may have even been a victim of the system (sadly there are many). So when you hear something like this fuel subsidy removal, even if you’re in diaspora and have been for decades, you’re more stirred to respond I think. If you spent at least some of your teenage years in Nigeria, I think it gives you a deeper connection to Nigeria’s political and social issues than I will probably ever have.

In the past, I’ve let that stop me from posting about various topics. I often think the opinion of someone who barely lived in the country really does not matter. I know for a fact that I have a naive view about Nigeria and what is needed to shape the country up but what’s the harm in sharing my opinion? Maybe I’ll accidentally share information that’s wrong, but that’s what the community of readers is for. If you ever see anything that isn’t quite right, or if you feel like educating me, please do! It’s how I’ll learn.

Speaking of naivete, a few days ago I was telling my friend about the difficulty my mom, sister, and I had returning to Canada after our visit to Nigeria in 2008. I was recounting the bribes we were asked to paid, increased, no doubt, the moment they heard my sister and I speak, and how they went through all our suitcases by hand. I told my friend that next time I’ll travel with an oyinbo person because surely they wouldn’t dare open the suitcases of an oyinbo and riffle through their belongings, or ask them for bribes. Wouldn’t they be afraid of how they’d be perceived on an international level? My friend just laughed and said our countrymen will try even more with a Caucasian, thinking they have more money than the average Nigerian. A sobering thought!

So back to the fuel subsidy removal. I learned about twelve hours ago that there will be an Occupy Nigeria protest in front of the Nigerian embassy in my city on Monday. I was about to share this information on the Facebook page of the Nigerian association that I’m the interim communications person for, when someone (God) told me to check with the president and vice-president of the association first. In the end, I was asked to wait before sharing the information, and that didn’t surprise me because while waiting for the president and vice president to reply to my email, the answer came to me. The current high commissioner who runs the embassy has been very supportive of the work of our association. Even though the protest is not against the embassy (though God knows it could be!), the embassy might take the protest personally, because we’d be asking them to speak up and do something about what is going on in Nigeria. I’m wondering if it’s ok for me to go and protest. As long as I don’t say anything about belonging to the association or imply that the association endorses my actions, I should be fine.

There are people who will never protest because “things never change” (others may choose not to protest because the cause doesn’t mean anything to them; that’s fine). Well maybe things don’t change (quickly anyway!), and maybe they won’t change, but at least you can say that you did something and stood up for what you believed in in 2012. You didn’t just sit there complaining. Like they say here all the time when it comes to voting in politics, If you didn’t vote, you can’t complain!

If you live in the Nation’s Capital (that’s Canada’s capital) and you’d like some details about what’s happening on Monday, please let me know!

On African Time

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Good Naija Girl

How do you feel when you hear of “African Time” or “Nigerian Time”?

Since I joined that Nigerian Association that I mentioned earlier, one problem I see so far is a lack of respect of time. When we were setting up the first meeting and we agreed upon 6pm, I asked if it was African Time or actual time. Everyone insisted it was not African Time yet only three of us arrived on time, four if you count the president, who was hosting us. One person arrived five or ten minutes after us, two were half an hour late while two were an hour and 20 minutes late. A mention about the importance of arriving on time was met with nonchalance. The meeting started 30 minutes late.

Worse than the latecomers to me was the time that was taken by the president to summarize what the late arrivals missed…during the meeting! Those of us who arrived on time were now penalized by having to hear a 20 minute review of what we had already sat through. I don’t object to the president briefing them but in this case it should have been done after the meeting. If they were having trouble keeping up with the topic then they could have asked questions (though to be honest the topic wasn’t really one that required knowledge of what happened beforehand).

But this issue of time is one that haunts many of us. African Time and the casual treatment of time may work in Nigeria and other countries (though we really have to ask if it does), but here, when you arrange a meeting with a Canadian, they expect you to arrive on time. A sheepish “Shebi you know African Time” as you waltz in 15 minutes late for a job interview will almost surely cost you the job. If you ever invite Canadians to a wedding, I can assure you they will arrive at least 10-15 minutes early, so if you’re still setting things up at this time, prepare to be embarrassed. If a time has been set for an event, that is the time you will find a Canadian sitting or standing, ready to participate. You will not often see a Canadian driving in to an event at the time he or she is supposed to be standing on stage.

Let me be clear: I am not saying that ALL Nigerians (or Africans more generally) are perpetually late, or that all Canadians are on time or early. However, many Nigerians tend to be late for community functions and there is lack of respect for starting times. I attended a Nigerian wedding last year where guests walked in during the ceremony, almost one hour after it began! Thankfully it was an outdoor wedding because if I was that late and it was a church wedding I would just sit outside until it was over; I can’t imagine risking calling attention away from the ceremony by entering the church, and maybe the latecomers in this situation would not have either.

I’m naturally inclined to be late. I procrastinate and regularly underestimate the time needed to accomplish various tasks. I have a weekly date with my friends and there is a running joke about how late I will be. My weak argument is we don’t really have a set time for this recurring event so am I really late when I waltz in a good 1-2 hours behind the others? But anyway, when I know that my being late will let down the others in my team, I arrive on time. When something is important enough to me, I arrive on time, and I think that’s human nature. In the example of this Nigerian association, these first meetings as a Board should be put into the high-priority category for all of us and deserve the respect of arriving on time.

I was discussing this topic with one of the early birds at our second meeting and he said the problem is that people don’t want to waste their own time, so they come late so they aren’t waiting for an event that is running late to start. So it ends up being a bit of a vicious cycle: people arrive late because they don’t think the event will start on time, and the event doesn’t start on time because nobody is there on time. If both sides of the equation just agreed upon a start time and stuck to it, we’d be fine!

We need to start events on time. If an event is supposed to start at 7pm, that’s when it should start, give or take five or maximum 10 minutes. Those who arrive late will join it where it is. Let’s not run the risk of telling those who arrive on time by our actions that they are not important enough for the event to proceed by not starting on time.

All that I’ve said does not apply to people who indicate ahead of time that they will be late, or who decide to drop by unexpectedly, last minute. And when we talk about being late, five or 10 minutes isn’t bad in my opinion but once you get closer to 20 minutes, it starts to look serious. I’m talking about people who commit to attending an event and then show up sooo late. In the past, the idea of putting 6pm on an invitation for an event that starts at 7pm has been suggested, but wouldn’t it be easier if people started taking the time indicated on invitations seriously, and how will they do that unless people start events on time?

Are you always late or always on time? What tricks can be used to better manage time?