Not the girl I used to be in matters of the heart

Six years ago, I thought I’d met the guy I was going to marry: he was in Nigeria while I was in Canada but with God on our side and what I thought was a clever plan to bring us together again, I was sure it would work. I was 31 and ready for marriage, I thought. I started a new blog that was specific to that blossoming relationship; the blog was password-protected and I gave my closest friends access to it. But things didn’t go the way I hoped, and the meat of those two-and-a-bit years is captured in my Love and Learn series. Six years later, my non-Nigerian friends still remember his name; I guess they heard it a lot! Continue reading

5 things I’ll do to increase my chances of finding love in 2016

If you, like me, have #2016lovegoals, we need a plan to make this year different from the previous ones. I’m not saying this because my dad reminded me of it last weekend—though sometimes I think he can read my mind—I had drafted this post two months ago. Here are five things that I’ve started—or will start—doing to increase my chances of finding love in 2016. I’m even setting reminders on my phone to make sure I do them!

Regularly and sincerely pray for a spouse (in progress)

Over five years ago I shared that I felt odd praying for a spouse, even though it’s what my dad did and it worked for him. In that post I used the word resentful and it’s true: Continue reading

Thoughts on the K-1 or fiancé(e) visa

thoughts-on-the-fiancee-visa

Do you watch 90 Day Fiance? This show is in its third season and I think I’ve watched every episode. I enjoy the show so much that I go to my parents’ house to watch it every Sunday (because I no longer have that channel)—my mom, sister, and I have fun providing a running commentary on what happens during each episode.

Each season, the show follows five or six couples (one half of each couple is a US citizen, the other is not) who obtain a K-1 visa. The K-1 visa (aka the “fiancé(e) visa”) allows a US citizen to bring a non-US citizen to the States, but they have to marry within 90 days of the non-US citizen’s entry into the US. If they don’t get married then Continue reading

Four situations single people should avoid

I was recently convicted of the necessity of being careful when it comes to forming emotional relationships with members of the opposite sex. Like you (I will presume), I deeply respect people’s relationships and do not deliberately try to drive a wedge between a couple, but sometimes those of us with the best of intentions can inadvertently cause problems. I haven’t wrecked any homes (thank God!) and to make sure that never happens, I watch my interactions and check my intentions to avoid inappropriate emotional connections with men.

So, what am I really talking about? Continue reading

Talking to single friends about being single

I’ll be honest: waiting for the love of your life to show up (which really means online dating, or going through the process of getting to know someone who seems promising) gets frustrating, and it can be lonely too. The length of the wait is emphasized as people five, ten, or more years younger than you get married and have children, when people seem to effortlessly meet someone and transition to marriage and children, or when people marry, divorce, and remarry as you wait (not that going through a divorce is a picnic!). Being the only single person in a group of friends sometimes feels like you’re the elephant in the room, especially when your friends know that you want to get married (does anyone remember the dinner party scene from the movie Bridget Jones’ Diary?). Your friends may be hesitant to ask about that aspect of your life because … Continue reading