Talking to single friends about being single

I’ll be honest: waiting for the love of your life to show up (which really means online dating, or going through the process of getting to know someone who seems promising) gets frustrating, and it can be lonely too. The length of the wait is emphasized as people five, ten, or more years younger than you get married and have children, when people seem to effortlessly meet someone and transition to marriage and children, or when people marry, divorce, and remarry as you wait (not that going through a divorce is a picnic!). Being the only single person in a group of friends sometimes feels like you’re the elephant in the room, especially when your friends know that you want to get married (does anyone remember the dinner party scene from the movie Bridget Jones’ Diary?). Your friends may be hesitant to ask about that aspect of your life because … Continue reading

Friend zone

I used to think it was great to have a lot of friends; now I’m more interested in quality, so I’m looking for friends who share my values, I want to deepen existing friendships that are mutually beneficial, and I want to distance myself from people who no longer add enough to my life. Since I’m trying to break a lot of bad habits, and since who you hang out with affects who you become, I’m paying more attention to the energy that I give off when I’m with people, and I’m also paying attention to the energy of the people I spend the most time with. I’ve never had much use for male friends, meaning I never sought out friends of the opposite sex on purpose, but I think my low maintenance, jovial side attracts guys who want to be friends—only friends. After decades of this, I’m over it: … Continue reading

A group for single, Christian women in their 30s

This past weekend I was wondering if there were any good resources out there for single Christian women in their 30s who would like to marry and have children and are hoping that God’s will aligns with this! Do any readers of this blog fit this profile or know people who do? If there’s interest and such a community doesn’t exist, we should start one to talk about the challenges of waiting, encourage each other, and pray for each other. This group would be specifically targeted toward Christian women in their mid-30s or older who are single and open to talking about their experiences (using a nickname, if desired). I would want it to be a very interactive group where we all feel free to share our feelings. So, who’s interested? Please send an email to jummyATgoodnaijagirlDOTcom or leave a comment below.

Compromising or settling – Part 2

When I last talked about compromising versus settling, I mentioned the benefits of having a List. A flexible List used as a guideline rather than a rigid rule is a good thing in my books, especially if you tend to get carried away by your feelings early in the relationship. When a relationship ends, you can usually see those red flags you initially overlooked so clearly! My colleagues pointed out that maybe I should elaborate on my definitions of compromise and settling from what I shared in Part 1. A friend shared her definition with me: you compromise on things and settle for a person—I agree, but I think you can also settle for things. Lady Ngo mentioned in the comments of the last post that to her, compromise requires contributions from all involved, whereas settling is uneven with respect to contributions—it’s possible for someone to think you’re perfect, leaving … Continue reading

Compromising or settling – Part 1

My friend and colleague Wendy tossed a question to me a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to know if I thought there was a difference between compromising and settling in relationships. Compromise has such a positive connotation: if you’re unwilling to compromise you’re considered stubborn. But settling? Well, we all breathe a sigh of pity for those who settle, don’t we? Oh, Kemi? Yeah, she settled with Wale. I guess she got desperate—you know she’s almost 40 right? I thought about Wendy’s question for a moment, and my reply to her (via text) was “The difference between compromise and settling is how YOU feel about it. Lol what I may consider a compromise you might see as settling…this should be blogged!” And here we are. The List—setting the bar The only way I will follow my heart these days is if my head has given my heart permission, meaning … Continue reading

Thankful: January 2014

The first month of 2014 is drawing to an end you know what? I’m glad I’m still here! We are not guaranteed another breath so when we get to breathe and continue living, we have to appreciate it. I thank God! I’m glad that an event for the Nigerian Blog Awards that had been in the works for months finally took place earlier this month. What a relief! Even though there are still elements to sort out, the hard part is behind me. I had my annual doctor’s appointment last week and I thank God that things are okay. There’s room for improvement but I have a clean bill of health. The doctor is wonderful (I’d break my own rules and propose to him if he wasn’t already married with three children). He’s kind, warm, and he really listens (excellent bedside manner, and the only beside manner I’ll be getting … Continue reading