When I heard her show was ending earlier this year, and that there would be opportunities for anyone to be on her show, my colleague and I tried hard to get on the show but we weren’t successful. I watched an interview of her by Barbara Walters and I was really touched by a lot of what she said. The best part for me was that after “going all spiritual” for so many years and not mentioning God, she talked about God specifically by that name at the end.

That being said, I don’t know exactly what Oprah’s beliefs are, and while I’m not a very good example of a Christian, I am striving for a God-centred life so that will always be my main belief system. The last time I wrote about Oprah someone left a comment asking how I could like her in light of what she said about Nigerians. From googling I learned that quite a few Nigerian forums quoted her saying that all Nigerians are corrupt, which is clearly a misguided statement. I wish I could find an article or something that would give some context but I haven’t been successful. I’ve decided not to hold that against her, seeing as I am not perfect either and have made generalizations about various groups of people.

Enough preamble! All I want to say is that I am loving Oprah’s Lifeclass! When Oprah went off the air I thought she was gone for good but for her to come back with a show that shares the lessons she’s learned over the years in a way that rings so true within you and sticks with you is fantastic. This is the third week of her Lifeclass. I’ve watched six episodes and enjoyed these four in particular:

• Lesson 3: You become what you believe
• Lesson 6: Who you were meant to be – everyone has a calling
• Lesson 9: You’re responsible for your life
• Lesson 11: Your life speaks to you in a whisper

I like how she uses clips from her 25 years of talk show footage to support these various lessons, in addition to including updates on some of the past stories as well as fresh perspectives. My life goal is to figure out my purpose and with God and resources like this show I think I’ll reach that goal. Even if you’ve heard these lessons before, I know you’ll benefit from hearing them again. In fact if I wasn’t such a cheap girl I would say that I can’t wait to buy the dvd collection of life lessons when it comes out.

If you have access to OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) I encourage you to tune in at 8:00pm EST one weeknight and see if the show brings something good to your life. The next episode this coming Monday is about following your gut.

Additionally, I am thankful for some other things:

• My sister got a better job! It’s a short-term contract position to start but we’re praying that this will be the start of something bigger and much longer in duration. It’s a great start to her 30th year of life! I’m also thankful to my friend who allowed me to send my sister’s resume to her so she could forward it to the people in charge of hiring.
• I have good friends who care about me and build me up when I’m feeling down, and that includes you! Thank you for the responses on my last post and the care I read in your comments.
• Material blessings. Whenever I get into my car I smile and I remind myself that it’s just a thing. But it still makes me smile.
• Inspiration. I seem to find it everywhere! I haven’t acted on it yet but by God’s grace I will sooner rather than later. I must carve out time for what I need to do instead of lazing about during the evenings.
• Life. There have been quite a few “senseless” deaths in my city in the past week (two accidents and a suicide come immediately to mind) and I am thankful that I am alive. I was watching Oprah’s Lifeclass and she was talking about how she appreciates every birthday because she knows many who didn’t live to a certain age. I am so thankful that I realized how blessed I am in this regard some years back. I am truly thankful every morning that I open my eyes (I often smile to myself and say “Thank you, God”), even if I groan at the thought of going to work or even if my 32 year old face no longer looks dewy fresh. Life is a gift! Please be thankful that you’ve made it to another day.

What are you thankful for? Nothing is too small to list.

For the last few years, my dad has been encouraging me to get involved in the association because without “young people”, the association will die. It’s true that the average age of those attending meetings is probably around mid-40s, and the picnic and end of year party are rarely attended by people in their late teens, 20s, or 30s, aside from those of us whose parents are founding members and who ask us to attend. In fact, attending these sorts of events is one of the reason I call myself a Good Nigerian Girl (in a tongue-in-cheek way!).

There are a couple of other Nigerian associations in the city, and the president of one of them is a guy around my age who seems very dynamic, focused and hardworking. He stepped into a pretty bad mess with lots of politics, but according to many of the elders of the community, he’s making strides in the right direction. I ran into him at an event last weekend and he asked me to take the post of Youth Coordinator. I was reluctant at first (I would prefer to be responsible for public relations and publicity) but the more we talked the more interested I became, though I refused to commit. The main reason was because I felt like I would be betraying the Yoruba association if I got on board with this other association, especially since the Youth Coordinator of the Yoruba association had recently contacted my sister and I regarding helping with youth coordination. So, I called the Yoruba association’s Youth Coordinator and she said the help needed was actually for this other association, which meant I was free to volunteer as Youth Coordinator after all.

I have to admit I’m scared to hold this position. There is a significant time commitment, and I don’t want to be involved in something that is disorganized and shoddily run, something I already told the president. I feel like I’m going to attend the meetings and be that annoying person asking for a calendar or asking for timelines for things, but someone has to do it. The new president seems to like order and organization too so maybe things won’t be so bad.

Then of course there’s the youth. It’s a tall order to ask one person to be responsible for Nigerians ranging in age from the late teens to the early 30s (as far as I can tell that is the age range). This will probably mean organizing different events for different age levels and although I know how to run an event, I still have my insecurities: I’m not a cool person, I never have been. I’m a bit geeky, more traditional, so if these kids expect me to be up to date on all the latest Naija lingo or music, they will be disappointed. If they expect me to be a fashionista, again: disappointment awaits them.

Also, in my experience, college and university-age adults stay away from Nigerian-run events for a few reasons: first, they may not hear about it due to poor publicity, secondly they find the events dry and disorganized, and thirdly they may not want to associate with Nigerian cultural associations, period. However I’m at the stage where I feel the need for Nigerians to make more of an impact on our city. There are quite a few of us around and we know so little about each other. We don’t network, we don’t support each other’s initiatives because we don’t know about them, and I think we should do more in that direction. So personally, my goal is more to build community and provide resources for those who might be new to the city, but I know I will have to let the people who identify as youth direct what we do because if they are not interested in it, or if they don’t feel a part of it, there will be no youth to coordinate.

How about you? Are you involved in a (local) Nigerian association? What has your experience been interacting with Nigerian associations (either as a member or an attendee of an event run by a Nigerian association)?

This month has been so rich with things to be thankful for and there are other things that I’ve probably forgotten to recognize. On the other side, the loss of life always makes me somber and this week I learned of two people passed away: one was one of my grandmother’s closest friends (may she rest in peace) and the other was a leader of one of the political parties in our country. I have to admit I was particularly touched by this latter passing because people who manage to show a brave and optimistic face in the light of their battle with cancer always blow me away. Rest in peace, Jack Layton. He left a letter to Canadians which touched me.

1. Today is my incredible father’s birthday. He has faced many challenges this year so I am thankful that he has made it to another year. Please pray for him, that this new year he’s entering would be one of answered prayers with regard to his employment situation, impeccable health, and freedom from those things that cause him stress. I will always consider it my extreme honour to have been placed by God in this family as my Daddy’s daughter.
2. My mother celebrated her birthday last month. I’ve talked about her before, and asked for prayers for her before because she faces health challenges, but I’m regularly blown away by how she always manages to keep her high energy and optimistic nature. I tear up just thinking about the pain she endures daily without letting on: she’s always thinking about others and how we’d feel knowing she’s in pain, rather than allowing herself to be the one that is cared for. My father was not able to be there for her birthday (I mentioned very briefly in May that a family member moved; it was my dad) but we managed to find a way to make my mom’s birthday special. Her gift from me was a train ticket so she could spend almost two weeks with my dad and they enjoyed that.
3. My mom is healing from the surgery she had on her hand at the end of June. The surface is healing slowly but surely but the inside is taking longer to heal. Some dear friends have suggested physiotherapy so I’ll do my part to explore that option.
4. I bought a car! I have had it in my possession for three days and I love it. It’s my baby right now: I’m trying to keep it from getting dented or scratched. Sometimes I laugh at myself because if I’m acting like this over a car, imagine how crazy I will be over a child of mine? The car should be completely mine in four years (maybe one day I’ll be able to pay cash for a car!) so I will have to be disciplined in my spending moving forward. The whole car purchasing process was emotional for me and I could not have done it without my family’s support. I know a big girl like me should not need to count on anyone else but guess what? I choose to.
5. We (well, my parents) are hosting the family that have graciously allowed us to stay with them when we land in Lagos. The whole family (six people in total) are here for a few days in what I’m calling their “North American tour” and I just know we’re going to have a good time. The husband and wife are so generous with their time and money yet so down to earth. You don’t often meet people with that kind of humility, especially growing up with the blessings they have. They live in a society where showiness and flaunting of riches is en vogue so for them to be so low-key is refreshing.
6. My dear friend Chiddy who has been reading my blogs since 2005 or so (in the days before this blog) has arrived safely in the USA. I’m so thankful that her travels went well, without any mishap.
7. The church I have been attending for the past nine months or so has been such a blessing. I feel challenged whenever I walk out of the doors of the church, after a sermon. The music speaks to my soul; like my mom said you can’t help but reflect on the words you’re singing and often tears will stream down my face while singing certain songs. The sermon yesterday was about how we have a responsibility to share the good news of Jesus with others. I have always shirked my duty in this regard because I’m more afraid of what someone (a non-God-believing friend or colleague) will think of me if I tell them about my beliefs, instead of being focused on what God will think if I don’t use an opportunity presented to me to share with others. I also worry that with my many bad qualities that my life just won’t be enough of an example for them to want to be a believer too…gotta work on that.

   The pastor who preached told us that if we think this belief in God thing is so great, why wouldn’t we want to share it with others? This makes complete sense because if you found out about a place giving a great deal on something, you’d want to let others know right?

   I have to admit I like how Nigerian culture has God wrapped up in it. Even those who are going through the motions and don’t really believe in God have at least had exposure to people who believe in God, which I think makes it easier.

It is bedtime for this thankful and blessed girl.

But the annoying habit of men isn’t my topic. What I want to talk about is how mean I was to my sister as a result of this guy choosing her back in 2008. I refused to talk to her during our trip, I was hurt and as a result I wanted her to feel uncomfortable too. Her point of view was “I didn’t do anything to make this guy like me! Yes, you liked him but I never showed interest in him! It is not my fault that this guy chose me.” and of course I didn’t want to hear that (even though I knew it was true). I could not accuse her of doing anything to steal this guy from me: he was never mine to begin with, I was just hoping he was the guy for me. It was not a shining moment for me, and I was so glad that we eventually got past it.

Guess what? I finally know what it feels like to be in my sister’s shoes. No, a guy didn’t choose me over my sister, but it’s a similar situation: once again a guy has chosen my sister over someone else and since the spurned person is closer to me than to my sister, I feel I am the one who is being punished for this. I am trying to be sensitive because I’ve been in this friend’s situation before. I’ve tried to reach out and drafted what seems like a very long email explaining things from my point of view, but I don’t think I’ll send it in the end. It was more of a cathartic exercise. I hope things work out between us but at the same time I feel like my sister did: I know in my heart that neither I nor my sister did anything to make this guy like her. I have tried to talk to my friend and now I must leave the rest to God.

Another friend of mine shared a similar incident where she, like me back in 2008, had a hard time dealing with the feeling of betrayal that develops when matters of the heart don’t progress as hoped. Today she is engaged to a man who loves her and who she loves, and they are doing their white wedding later this year.

The only thing I know is that time heals these wounds and we must always trust that God has better plans for us than the ones we have for ourselves. Even if the guy seems like your soul mate, even if that job seems made for you, if you don’t get it, trust that something better is in store, although you may need to wait a while for it!

I am now thankful that this guy who chose my sister over me in 2008 did not choose me because maybe I would not have been able to deal with the emotional aspects of the relationship ending like my sister did. I am certain that someone far better than this guy is out there not only for my sister or me, but for my friend too. I hope we’ll be reconciled one day in the future.

A colleague even told me that when my employer was hiring and deciding which applicants to interview, on the day that my Japanese colleague and I were interviewed, they thought I was her based on our last name. (Funny enough they hired my colleague due to her better qualifications, but she ended up getting pregnant soon after so they hired me to replace her during her maternity leave, then a position was created while I was there and I applied for it and got it and five years later I’m still working there!)

I don’t know much about the origin of my surname, but it’s something I intend to explore. One of my oyinbo (Caucasian) colleagues is interested in genealogy and she’s managed to trace parts of at least one side of her family (her great, great grandfather I think) to when they first left their country of origin (in Europe) and immigrated to Canada. Along the way, her family name went through changes in spelling and pronunciation, which I guess happens in an attempt to blend in with the new country. Genealogy is quite a common hobby of retired oyinbos here; there’s something very reassuring about knowing where you come from. A former pastor at my old church was also piecing together his family tree because when you think of it, genealogy is a puzzle with a goal of finding missing pieces (people) and figuring out where in the big picture they fit. I bet it’s also fun to uncover scandals too!

The older I get, the more interested in my roots I become. I don’t think I’m interested in generating a family tree as much as I want to know what life was like when my relatives were young, what Nigeria was like long ago. I regret that I didn’t get to ask my great grandmother various questions before she passed away in 2005, but my interest in my roots didn’t spark until late 2003, and my last visit to Nigeria before that was in 1994. Because I knew I wasn’t going to be in Nigeria any time soon, I focused my efforts on learning Yoruba and Pidgin from online forums. But God is good: I still have two grandmothers, one grandfather and various relatives who can give me some information. I just need to figure out what I want to know and the best way to capture the information. My father’s mom is quite old and is hard of hearing so I may need to count on my dad and his sister to remember various things about her life.

Not every family from Nigeria is like my own but I know that most of the record-keeping of people my father’s age and older was by memory. As far as I know my dad doesn’t have a birth certificate and his name isn’t recorded in any hospital records or at any church as is the case for the relatives of some Canadians who seek their roots to Europe, but this doesn’t mean that all is lost. The next time that I am in Nigeria I intend to look through the things in my dad’s room in his father’s house to see if I can find some items that might provide information on our history, like letters perhaps. And something I can do right here in Canada is something I’ve always wanted to do: look through old pictures and see if there are any clues I can use to piece together our family’s history.

Do you know much about your family’s history? If you don’t, would you know where to go to get that information?

Not everyone’s experience of Nigeria is like mine but I know I would need to live there for at least a year before I’d consider going anywhere outside of my grandma’s neighbourhood by myself. I just don’t feel safe or confident on my own. So yes, my dependence on God increases in Nigeria. I guess it’s a good thing that there’s a church on nearly every street corner there!

My dad attended an Anglican church when he lived in Nigeria. I’m not sure what church my mom attended but it was an evangelical church. In Canada, they settled in a Baptist church. For nearly 20 years we went to the same Baptist church. It was a small church (65-80 people at an average Sunday service); after all those years it felt very comfortable and homey. It was a multicultural church in that people attending the church represented a large number of nationalities, but due to the small numbers there were usually only two or three people representing a nationality. We were the only Nigerian members in that church. The majority of the congregation was Canadian and the pastors over the years were Canadian too.

The church got new leadership a few years back and I must confess I disliked the new pastor from day -1 (when he came to visit the church and preach a sermon, before he was officially hired). Unfortunately my impression of him didn’t change over the years (I did pray about it) and I was not feeling the way I should about attending church or my pastor. My attendance declined and when I did attend I’d spend the time reading my bible or mentally arguing with his sermon instead of taking it in. I never felt like he was reaching me, and of course you could argue that I wasn’t receptive to him.

There was a mass exodus (apropos, non?) of church members over the last two years (due to the pastor) and last year, I joined them. I decided to try the Pentecostal church that my parents had switched to earlier after visiting a few other churches. I had been hearing about this particular church for years but Pentecostals have a reputation for speaking in tongues, dancing in church and being freer than I was used to. Also, after over 19 years in one church it’s hard to just switch. I went to the new church after I got back from Nigeria and it was massive, a very big change from my old church. I felt disconnected and unsure if this was the right place for me to be. The pastor seems nice (I have not met him one on one) but the most curious thing to me is how much more emotional I am at this church.

Like many churches this Pentecostal church has an altar call where they invite people who want to receive prayer to come forward. In my old church, I never went to the front of church for anything like this but I felt led to at this church and I went (maybe the larger crowd gave me confidence?). It was cool to have the pastor pray over me. When I saw a father bring his son up and tell the pastor about his son’s hearing and other problems (he was wearing hearing aids), the faith I witnessed in both the father and the pastor made me cry. So the other alarming thing is that I cry in church now: not every Sunday, and I never know what will trigger my tears, but the only guarantee is I won’t have kleenex when I need it and I’ll be using my sleeves to catch the tears. One Sunday it was the testimony of a guy who was getting baptized and telling us to embrace our freedom of religion because in his home country he didn’t have that. Another time I cried hearing a woman share her own struggle for physical healing. This doesn’t mean the new church has worked wonders necessarily, and I think maybe my 19 years at the other church were molding slowly into the woman I’m becoming spiritually in this church, someone who feels songs and words spoken deep within her.

I have a long way to go. Sometimes when I mention God on this blog, I feel like those movie stars or musicians who say “I’d like to thank God” when they win an award because there are so many areas where I slack. I am guilty of leaning on God when the going gets tough, when I need help. There’s nothing wrong with that of course, as long as I don’t forget to give express appreciation and give credit to Whom it is due when things are going well. It’s a constant struggle to reflect godly qualities but as I connect more with this church I know it’ll happen.

And although I attended a Baptist church for almost 20 years, I never got baptized. I’m thinking about it now!

Two questions for you:

1. Do you believe in God?
2. What kind of church do you go to?

Rule #1 is to thank the people who gave you the award. Rule #2 is to share seven things with your readers. I hope these are new facts for you.

1. I can do a cartwheel, though the older I get the more it hurts to do it.
2. I’ve gotten three traffic tickets: one for making an illegal right turn, and two for parking in a non-parking zone. In only one of the three cases did I have no idea that I was doing something wrong. And in one of the three cases I may have cried in front of the guy writing the traffic ticket (though not on purpose).
3. I can’t enjoy dancing to a song unless I know the words. If I can’t sing along part of the joy is lost for me.
4. I will usually cry if I see someone tearing up or crying.
5. I smile at babies when I see them in public, and either mouth or say “hello”. The babies probably think I’m weird.
6. I can’t wink properly unless I have my mouth slightly open.
7. I have a bunch of binders that hold all my banking information, credit card bills, house-related bills and all other bills. I keep all my receipts and cross check them against my banking information and credit card statements. I find this all very therapeutic.

There are two other rules that I’m going to break: I won’t be tagging anyone and I won’t be telling them I’ve tagged them since, well, I haven’t. Forgiveness please (two points if you know what animated show that quote is from).

I invite you (yes you) to share one or two things that you would have shared had I tagged you.

This trip has been pretty interesting so far…I’ve had quite a surprise related to this little matter that I’m still trying to process. Unfortunately some of the same family matters that were present two years ago remain around, and I’m starting to understand why my dad advises me every time we speak to him to just remain agreeable with what family members are saying, whether they are telling me how difficult life is in Nigeria or telling me how easy life is in Canada.

I was fortunate enough to meet Funke before leaving Lagos. She woke up early that Saturday morning and met us at the home of our host before we had to leave…she was part of our send off party. She has such a great personality, and I’m so glad I got to meet her in person.

I’ve spoken with Writefreak but haven’t met her yet, as plans to find our way to Abuja are still in the works. Why is it that none of the bloggers I know are based in Ondo state?

I’ve taken a lot of pictures that I can’t wait to add to blog entries…I hope you’ll enjoy reading them when I get back to Canada. Until then, bye for now!