Part confession, part rant about being single

I was recently reminded that I’m not getting any younger. It’s true: I’ll be 34 in three and a half months, but I was insulted because one thing that infuriates me about some men (not all men) is when they are thwarted, even politely, they always go for the jugular. I’m shocked every time it happens: from the guy who called me unspeakable things four or more years back because I told him I didn’t want to date a man with children (a fact that was clearly stated on my dating profile), to another guy who trashed my character because I told him I did not see a future for us, together, to the random guy last year who chatted me up then told me I was stupid when I told him I wasn’t interested in having coffee with him. I can list more situations where this has happened. I am never rude: I tell the guy that I think he’s a good person but incompatible and without fail, out come the insults. The internet or text messages seems to make men bold and devoid of manners! Good news: every time it happens I thank God that I discovered this ugly aspect of their character before getting more involved. I don’t want to deal with a man who in the future would say very cruel things not even related to the topic of an argument, just to hurt me (I get enough of that from my brother).

When you get to your mid-thirties, I think people start worrying on your behalf and they want to believe that you must be doing something wrong, that’s why you’re single. The alternative would be to accept that maybe you just won’t find a partner and that can be hard to accept. I won’t lie: I’m worried too! Sometimes I’ll be hit by a wave of panic that maybe I won’t find someone, or maybe I’m not meant to be married, but since I don’t know what God has in store for me in this regard, and since the urge to be a nun hasn’t ever hit me, I push down my panic and keep on hoping. The worst is knowing that my parents worry about it, because I don’t like to cause them any more stress. I’m hoping the fact that I’m self-sufficient (at least when it comes to taking care of my material needs) puts their minds at ease a little bit.

With my sister’s upcoming wedding, everyone and their dog is telling me that I will be next. When I think of how many years I’ve been told I’ll be next, I can barely stop from rolling my eyes. If only there really was a list and I really was next! I’ll be stopping in Europe on my way back from Nigeria for my first solo trip, and several friends have told me that maybe I will meet a man on that trip. I’m touched that they care but I’ve taken to saying “Thank you but those kinds of things don’t happen to me!” with a smile (the smile is genuine, bordering on laughter because the idea is so laughable!). The funny thing is they argue with me, insisting it will happen. Now I’m not a pessimist, really (despite the tone of this post), and they are not able to see the future as far as I know, and maybe it’s my science background talking but I’m going to need a bit more than platitudes to make me believe it could happen. I’d rather plan to enjoy my sister’s wedding and dance my heart out, then figure out how not to get lost alone in Europe than to hang my hopes on meeting a man, as lovely as it would be.

I’m tired of being told that I’m picky. I am picky, or choosy, or whatever you want to call it, but I’m at peace with the things I’m “picky” about. My personality clashes with people who run from confrontation, and I refuse to compromise on this. I don’t mind if I have to initiate the discussion but if they won’t participate, ever, I don’t want to be in that relationship. Being able to communicate (especially during difficult times) is very important to me. I do want to marry a Yoruba man and I’d like him to be taller than I am, but both of these are unimportant if he puts God first and if God reveals to me that he is the guy for me. I’ve never turned down a date with a man because he wasn’t Yoruba or because he was shorter than I am.

Speaking of being led by God to a spouse, I hope God is very obvious with me because I need very clear signs! The other thing I’m struggling with is opening my heart to love. I did before and things didn’t go as hoped, so I’m a bit wary to try again. This has to change.

This might be naive of me but how is it that so many Christian men care so little about sexual purity? It’s like the concept is completely foreign to them. I understand temptation (believe me) but I’m disappointed that I’ve yet to meet a man who has mentioned setting boundaries or who has been the one to extricate himself from a heated situation or to tell me to calm down ;). I so want to meet this guy—sexual purity is where it’s at!

Aside from softening my hardened heart, there are other things I could work on to make myself more appealing: I could improve my appearance and be open once again to setups. I could tell myself more positive messages about the wonderful man that I will meet soon, but I’m not-so-secretly rebelling against these actions I could take. Yes, I’ve suddenly become a child of 3 years old and I’m throwing a tantrum because I’m tired of waiting!

So, although I’m thankful for all the blessings in my life (I especially appreciate the kind man who dug me and another person out of the snow last night!), and even though one day my long wait for my future husband may top my thankful list, I had to be real for a moment.

So tell me, are you still waiting or have you found your match?

10 thoughts on “Part confession, part rant about being single

  1. You're not wiling to settle for less than you want, and you are open to God's will, that is all that matters. It might take a while longer, but you will meet the right person for you, and you both shall know it. And yes, there are godly men out there. Have a great trip to Nigeria, and keep your eyes and heart open.

  2. It is funny how it seems so easy for some and harder for others, but I sincerely believe everyone's journey is different. All I can say is do your best to live, like taking the trip to Europe you have always wanted to. I am 32 and kind of waiting…I have been in a relationship for 2 yrs and I believe he is the one. But of course I can't force him to propose or anything like that, and I believe when God means for it to happen it will. Meanwhile I have my friends and people always asking me why we are still dating and what are we waiting for? Lol people always have something to say. Even when married people will ask, "when will you have kids?" etc

  3. It's annoying isn't it? How you're 'picky' just cos you don't want 'them'. This dude i know makes it a point to 'remind' me of my singleness each time we communicate because i turned him down.

    About christian men and a whole bunch of things…i think the world as a whole and certainly the church focus so much on women and what we want/what we need to do/how to act and not act…and completely fail to school or teach these men the same truths and standards we should all be living by thereby putting the burden on the woman alone to 'make things work'

    I could totally relate to your post.

  4. Being 'picky' appears to be the default accusation levied against people who appear to have their lives together but remain single. These days I take it as a back-handed compliment and move on..

  5. I like how honest you are in this post GNG. And that's life I guess, many of us are in God's waiting room for one thing or the other. And while it may seem to be taking very long, when our 'package' finally arrives, we'll find that it was well worth the wait.
    In the mean time, we'll make the most of our lives and enjoy the ride we are on!

    PS: I had no idea your sis was getting married. Many congrats to her. Who knows, we may even rendezvous when you come into town. *Fingers Crossed*

  6. I can imagine what you mean..

    Sometimes, the wait seems so loooong but one thing I'm not willing to do is to settle for less than God's best for me. Having waited so long, the best reward is getting it right by God's grace!

    And one thing I'm certain of, He will come through for us! Keep your eyes in the prize :-) xx

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