Facebook meeting

I’m an advocate of people meeting in a variety of ways. We can fool ourselves and think “I’m still cute, Mr. Right will find me wherever I happen to be”, while sitting at home, but I’m more practical about it now and I welcome means that I would have turned my nose up at five and ten years ago. When you reach your late 20s, early 30s and beyond, there is no harm in being creative. You don’t have to go completely out of your comfort zone, but recognize that meeting people isn’t at all like it was when you were 19 years of age.

I have used online dating with minimal success, and I’m still technically online dating, though I haven’t met anyone in several months. My great aunt in Nigeria also tried to play matchmaker for me, and I am still talking to the guy in question (five months and counting). The distance is a pain since we have no idea how things will work in person.

One online method I haven’t tried is Facebook. One of my oyinbo friends poked a guy she’s now been dating for almost three years, and if I’m not mistaken, Facebook played a factor in Chari and Buttercup‘s matchmaking, and they are arguably blogsville’s favourite couple.

A couple of days ago, I received an email from a Nigerian guy in Canada. He seemed very up front and normal, and since we had no mutual friends, I sort of knew why he was messaging me. I asked him though, and he said he did a search for Nigerian women in Canada. I wasn’t insulted by the fact that he may have come up with a list of dozens of other women because in the stage of life I’m in now, that’s to be expected. A guy willing to use Facebook for this purpose is casting his net wide with the hope of finding some “potentials” in order to give himself the best possible outcome.

All along, I’ve been an advocate of getting to know more than one person at a time, as long as all people involved know what is going on (meaning that things are still in the “getting to know you” stage and you are not in a relationship with any of the other people). Once you decide that you want to be with one of the “potentials”, the others deserve to know that things are no longer the same and your “getting to know them in a romantic sense” must stop.

And although I have no real understanding with the five month guy (he may have other ideas though!), I felt this Facebook guy needed to know that I had been talking to someone for a while. It’s funny because when I was first talking to five-month guy, I told him that because of the distance, he should feel free to get to know other women at the same time. He said that if he were to meet someone in Nigeria and if he were to get to know them as he’s getting to know me, he may fall for them. At first I was a bit miffed (shey I am not original and wonderful enough to bewitch him?) but deep down I know that if I were to do the same, the chance that the guy who’s in the same city/country as me would find a way into my heart is huge. It’s just the way we are.

I guess we’ll see!

12 thoughts on “Facebook meeting

  1. I may be a little more difficult.

    Some guys that you know face to face are already as problematic as it gets, so I’m not open to facebook/hi5/dating website meetings. (I know, this attitude borders a little on pessimism, but I’d rather be single than sorry/suffering)…

    All the best sha. Seems like you’re ‘seasoned’ and can filter the chaff from the wheat. Maybe that’s what I need to learn?

    • I can understand your reluctance to try non-face-to-face methods. It’s funny because I use your exact reasoning to justify trying online: I can meet crap guys in person so that must mean that I can meet decent guys online.

  2. Facebook is not a bad place at all …My cousin met her boyfriend from there. I would suggest your focus your energy on the guy living in canada. Long distance relationships especuially the ones that involves one party living in nigeria are in some cases(not all) dodgy.

    • Well I updated on that matter…Canada guy is out of the picture! I definitely believe that you can meet really good people online or in person.

      I feel you sha on the potential dodginess of LDRs if one is in Nigeria and the other is not.

  3. I met a guy on Facebook, a friend of a friend who friended me and I approved. After initial FB contact, we chatted, he called and we planned to meet…. until he got tagged as “the darling husband” and “wonderful father” on the boy’s first birthday pictures. I stopped calling and removed him from my FB friend list. Sadly he still has my number and still calls / sends me TXT messages bordering on sexual harassment!
    Internet meetins work I guess, but so far, not for me.

    • What an awful situation! Sorry you had to deal with such a horrid thing…some men have no shame for real.

      I don’t blame you for feeling reluctant about the online thing as a result.

  4. Pingback: On going home to find Mr. Right « All the single ladies unite!

  5. Facebook is a channel for networking, but prayer is also
    important. God can use any channel if you’re sincere, but this is
    where the problem is…What if you commit and meet someone that
    appears more prospective later on… Like the Youruba adage “Oluwa
    lo mo iyawo oju ona” i.e. Na God wey know whether the prospect is a
    true catch or not. But we must keep trying and hoping for His
    mercy. I’m interested in meeting some good, spirit-filled naija

  6. My names are Normans Kingsley, looking for any beautiful single unmarried ladies of Nigeria origin with the ages of 35-45 age. I studied International Relations and also with knowledge in Language studies in Unical. find here are my id: normkings@yahoo.com in case u are on line.

  7. seriously i have never been a fan of online dating the thought of it scares me…you cant trust someone you meet in person let alone some dude u met online…..
    we cant say you sometimes things change…but i think u should focus ur energy on the 5 month guy at least ur aunt had a background check on him and all so its safer all u need do now is try to meet up with him u no…come over for christmas or something……

    you are trying sha can do it

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