I’m an advocate of people meeting in a variety of ways. We can fool ourselves and think “I’m still cute, Mr. Right will find me wherever I happen to be”, while sitting at home, but I’m more practical about it now and I welcome means that I would have turned my nose up at five and ten years ago. When you reach your late 20s, early 30s and beyond, there is no harm in being creative. You don’t have to go completely out of your comfort zone, but recognize that meeting people isn’t at all like it was when you were 19 years of age.
I have used online dating with minimal success, and I’m still technically online dating, though I haven’t met anyone in several months. My great aunt in Nigeria also tried to play matchmaker for me, and I am still talking to the guy in question (five months and counting). The distance is a pain since we have no idea how things will work in person.
One online method I haven’t tried is Facebook. One of my oyinbo friends poked a guy she’s now been dating for almost three years, and if I’m not mistaken, Facebook played a factor in Chari and Buttercup‘s matchmaking, and they are arguably blogsville’s favourite couple.
A couple of days ago, I received an email from a Nigerian guy in Canada. He seemed very up front and normal, and since we had no mutual friends, I sort of knew why he was messaging me. I asked him though, and he said he did a search for Nigerian women in Canada. I wasn’t insulted by the fact that he may have come up with a list of dozens of other women because in the stage of life I’m in now, that’s to be expected. A guy willing to use Facebook for this purpose is casting his net wide with the hope of finding some “potentials” in order to give himself the best possible outcome.
All along, I’ve been an advocate of getting to know more than one person at a time, as long as all people involved know what is going on (meaning that things are still in the “getting to know you” stage and you are not in a relationship with any of the other people). Once you decide that you want to be with one of the “potentials”, the others deserve to know that things are no longer the same and your “getting to know them in a romantic sense” must stop.
And although I have no real understanding with the five month guy (he may have other ideas though!), I felt this Facebook guy needed to know that I had been talking to someone for a while. It’s funny because when I was first talking to five-month guy, I told him that because of the distance, he should feel free to get to know other women at the same time. He said that if he were to meet someone in Nigeria and if he were to get to know them as he’s getting to know me, he may fall for them. At first I was a bit miffed (shey I am not original and wonderful enough to bewitch him?) but deep down I know that if I were to do the same, the chance that the guy who’s in the same city/country as me would find a way into my heart is huge. It’s just the way we are.
I guess we’ll see!