Facing your reality

One of the most frequent conversations I’ve had with women in their late 20s or older who are single and have been for a long time (forever?), centres around the fact that it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Oh, no, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Most of us women in our late 20s or older thought we’d be married around 25 years of age and have a child by that quarter of a century mark! Not getting married in most cases wasn’t even a consideration because that’s what happened: you went to school, you graduated, you got a job and somewhere in there, you found time to meet a guy, like him, love him, tolerate his family and get married.

But how wrong we were! In reality, some of us are finishing advanced degrees, trying to establish ourselves in a chosen career, entering the workforce for the first time or trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives. Some of us may have gone through challenging and heartbreaking relationships. Some may have come close to being married before.

One interesting thing though is most of us have looked back at our naive assumptions and realized that having a husband or a child by 23, 24 or 25 really would not have worked because the reality is that we would not have been ready at that age, and we don’t feel ready for this life yet, even right now.

I guess that’s why they say that hindsight is 20/20.

(That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t mind having a boyfriend or husband though.)

7 thoughts on “Facing your reality

  1. yaaaaaaah I was actually first.

    Well if someone had asked me a few years ago I would have said I would certainly be married at 25. It is not like I was vain (maybe a little vain sha) but I assumed there would be no problems. I was done with my undergraduate degree at 23 so it made sense that by 25 well me and Mr. right would be sipping early morning tea. I was dead wrong. But it’s like you said, even back then I won’t deny that I was aware that I was not ready for that level of commitment. The mere mention of marriage used to freak me out. I still laugh at the way I used to fill trapped by that conversation.

  2. you are so right!

    When I used to be 18, I used to say by age 24, I want to get married, by age 25, I need the husband, my own car, crib and baby 1 on the way…

    Ironically, I don’t want any of those anymore…lol
    and I am soo happy it didn’t turn out like this.
    First of all, I didn’t know who I was. Those wishes were influenced by society, “friends” who think they know what’s best for you and mostly fear to do something different.

    I am so happy I have the chance to live by myself and spend a lot of time alone because it helped me to realize who I am really,not A. as daughter of, sister of, friend of, but the essence of A and I realized that I am a true loner and don’t want to get married nor have kids.
    It doesn’t mean I won’t mind a boyfriend but marriage doesn’t appeal to me at all..

    anyways, I have a few friends who got married/had baby#1 by age 25 and now they confess that they wish they waited a bit longer because they jumped from parents’house to the husband’s house and expectations of what a good wife/mother should be..
    They tell me that sometimes they forgot who they are in the midst of trying to make everyone happy…but that’s another discussion

    great topic good naija :)

  3. GNG,

    you’re so on point with that fact! again, i’m late coming here but i’m sure u’re getting used to it now….

    But truly, a good friend and i were just talking bout this the other day…infact, she was convinced that by 25 she would be married and currently almost 29 and only just got engaged…

    the good part of it is this: the older you get, the better chance you get to mature and things that would have been difficult in a relationship/marriage while you were younger become easier.

    Any relationship is full of different kinds of challenges, and i’m kinda glad that i personally didn’t get married in my early 20s…i probably would have been out of the marriage now…

  4. Gosh, I can’t believe how naive I was several years ago. LOL. I now know better. I want to be secure with myself and know what I want before jumping into marraige!

  5. I thought id be married at 22, yes i was that silly. Cause i was supposed to be done my undergrad at 21.
    Little did i know that life had its own plans for me.
    Im 25, single and still working my towards getting a Bachelors.

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