• Blogging for example. Those of us who blog have access to a phone or computer and internet, which is a luxury some cannot afford. We also live in a nation where there’s relative freedom of speech and no regulations on how we use the medium of the blog so we write in peace, without looking over our shoulders or wondering who is reading (well, besides those family members and friends we may not want to read!).
• All week, when I got home from work, I’ve asked myself what I feel like having for dinner. Thank God for choice! Sure, some options are more appealing than others but I will not starve, and my cupboards have never been bare. Two nights ago I was saying to myself “Oh, I only have beef in the house; I want chicken, or fish.” It is a blessing to be able to make statements like that.
• I’m very attached to my family, even though I don’t live with them anymore. I’ve also become more attached to my family in Nigeria since my last visit. I am thankful that I can easily drop them a line to let them know I’m thinking of them thanks to phones and the internet. Just think of what people in Haiti and their family elsewhere were going through when those in Haiti couldn’t reach their loved ones to let them know they are ok. It’s very stressful for both sides
• I know, I’m weird, but I’m going to mention toilet paper because it is something we all take for granted. I already told you about my favourite toilet paper, and maybe it’s weird to even have a favourite, especially since I’m sure most of you never think about the stuff. It’s a most wonderful innovation; better, in my opinion, than sliced bread!

And some wonderful things that have happened in the lives of my friends:

1. My friend V got a new job and she starts on Monday. She has a lot of skills that are very much in demand, and though her industry is a bit volatile and subject to layoffs, she continues to thrive. She’ll be working for a little company that you may have heard of since they are the makers of the BlackBerry, so you can bet I’ve already tried to use my connections to get a free Blackberry (despite my efforts, no such luck!).
2. My friend A who was in a very toxic work environment has gotten out! I hate to see sweet people who are hardworking get abused in any way, and her work was beginning to be detrimental to her health.
3. V (from #1) and her husband have also upgraded their car situation! It’s always great to see people around you thriving!

Ok, your turn: big or little, what are you grateful for?

The girls were so mischievous! If there was something you didn’t want them to get into, they’d be there, leaving destruction in their path. I so badly wanted to cuddle them but good luck tying them down long enough to get close!

And they had such enormous appetites! Seriously between them they could polish off a helping of iyan that would make me push the plate away half way through.

I can’t wait to see them again, to see how their personalities have solidified or developed. I’m particularly fond of twins (as if they need any more attention!) so I’m hoping I can get to know them a bit better next time.

*For the non-Nigerians Taye (or Taiwo) and Kehinde are the names traditionally given to twins by the Yoruba people: Taye is the name given to the elder twin, while Kehinde is given to the younger twin. The names’ meanings reflect this birth order but I don’t know the full version of each name. I’m not sure if this is a new thing but I noticed that some twins aren’t being called Taye/Kehinde anymore but prefer to be called by one of their other names instead.

Bonus trivia: Nigeria has the highest rate of twins in the world! I already knew this but while looking up information on how to increase your chance of having twins (not for me o!), I came across this article which made me laugh because it lists “Eat Yams” as one of the ways to increase your chances!

Well, I mean I can’t wait to meet her!

We’ve known each other for over six years but we met online. Almost immediately she referred to me as “sis” and I always felt like her big sister. In fact I think there was a time when my sister was a bit annoyed that I had met someone who lived so far away who called me sis. Camryn is Filipino and although she moved around a bit, she stayed pretty far away from me, spending time in Dubai and Singapore. We have exchanged a few cards and letters over the years, and in recent years apart from a marathon chat session on yahoo once or twice a year, we don’t keep in contact very regularly. However wee managed to maintain some closeness (I guess we set a good foundation in earlier years).

I remember when she was finishing her studies (in architecture) and writing exams. I remember before her wedding we talked about how cool it would be if I could attend but we never discussed it past that. I remember receiving the link to view her wedding pictures online. She was an absolutely gorgeous bride. She has a relative in the US and I remember her mentioning a couple of times that we should try to meet up one of these days if she ever visits her aunt.

Then a few years ago she mentioned that she and her husband were trying to immigrate to Canada. I didn’t know if it was a plan or if they had taken formal action but here we are, nearly three years later. They were able to both come here under the Federal Skilled Worker program and I’m so happy for them that everything came into place at long last. The process wasn’t quick and there were undoubtedly some frustrations and expense (including time) involved, but they made it and will be permanent residents of Canada once they arrive; no need to worry about renewing visas. I’m so happy for them!

Of course I have to use them as an example for anyone who’s trying to move to a country where they think they might have better opportunities to realize their dreams. Know what you’re getting into and get yourself accurate information, from the appropriate sources. Several my family members have asked us for information and advice, received it, then thrown it in the trash while clinging to the “easier to hear” “advice” offered by one neighbour or friend who has never gone through the process or situation he or she is advising on. And of course in nearly all of the cases the result has been money and time wasted. One of our cousins did follow the advice with favourable results, but unfortunately he passed away and was not ever able to come to Canada (RIP Joseph).

The Canadian government website for immigration is here. If you are a student or want to study in Canada, if you are a professional and want to work here, or if you have a family member already in Canada and you want to know if they can sponsor you, you can find information that addresses your situation there. I focused on Canada but most countries have a similar websites that can give anyone willing to do the research the information they need.

There are some who have to stop thinking that there’s an easy way around the rules and regulations that govern the country they are considering moving to. These rules and sense of order may be the things they eventually appreciate about the country, even though they are annoying at first. Yes, the process can be long and frustrating, but if you read up on things, find trustworthy people who are living where you want to be who can give you a true picture of what things are like, and if you ensure you can cover the associated costs, the result will be something lovely like it was for Camryn and her husband.

Right now, my plan is to have the Engagement in Nigeria. This way my extended family will get to meet my groom and they will also get to witness a milestone in my life. Also, it would give us a chance to throw a party that people would hopefully enjoy. The only “problem” with this is I know my non-Nigerian friends would love to see what the Engagement is like, especially when they find out there’s a part of the Yoruba Engagement where the bride is traditionally supposed to kneel in front of her husband to feed him. I won’t deny that as it stands now, I’m thinking of arranging for NEPA taking light during that part of the ceremony so that when the electricity is restored I can say that they all missed me kneeling. Yup, I said it! I understand the tradition with respect to kneeling for elders but a small part of me cringes at this part of the Engagement. I went to a Yoruba/Angolan wedding (groom was from Angola) and when it came time for his bride to kneel to feed him, he actually grabbed her arms and pull her up before she knelt. I want a groom that would do that!

I know, I know, submissive wife…Bible…but I can be submissive without kneeling, can’t I? The other thing I could do is use the “I wasn’t raised in Nigeria so I didn’t know I was supposed to kneel during the Traditional wedding” excuse. I expect the “I wasn’t born in Naija” excuse will get me out of many tight spots in the future! Anyway, the Engagement will be recorded and I can show it to my friends afterwards.

That means the White wedding will be in Canada. This will allow my friends (100% of whom I know will not be able to pack up their families and travel to Nigeria) to see GNG get married. Of course, Nigerian food and attire would be incorporated into this wedding, and I’m quite giddy at the thought of planning it. It’s far more exciting to me to think of planning this than the Engagement, because I don’t think I’ll have any say in the Engagement. I don’t know the traditions and the order the whole thing is supposed to follow; I will just be a puppet that day.

Before I get all excited, I need to find the groom first! With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I’m tempted to organize another Online Meeting Project! Although I can’t announce that any couples from Round 1 are engaged, I have received positive feedback from people who participated. Some bachelors had sent me their info too late and I told them they would be included in the next round.

I have some of questions:

1. If you aren’t married yet, how are you thinking of organizing your wedding?
2. How many of you married folk felt like you had a lot of say in either the Traditional or White wedding?
3. If you live outside of Nigeria, did you split up your Engagement/White weddings like I’m thinking of doing?

I came across an initiative by blogger Estella that I’d like to share, the Sew for Haiti project. She is encouraging anyone who knows how to sew to commit to sewing something, anything that you think would be appreciated by someone in Haiti. It could be a pillow, a toy, or articles of clothing. The last time I checked her blog she was still trying to find the best way to get the items to Haiti but in the meantime if you are talented in that way, do whip something up. Estella has encouraged you to include an encouraging note or prayer with the item. If you can’t sew and live in the Metro DC area, Estella is offering to teach you how to sew for free, with the goal being that you will commit to sew something for this very worthy cause.

Like I said, my office is on the same floor as the Haitian embassy. I see people from the embassy daily, on the elevator or in the bathroom, and other than a hello, I can’t seem to figure out what to say that would be encouraging. Instead of feeling bad about that, I have resolved to pray more. I may not be able to do more than contribute financially to the relief efforts, but I can pray for the Haitians and express thanks to all of the people who have left their own busy lives to devote their time and expertise to helping out physically.

I don’t know if any of you have seen news reports that came out last week where people who have lost so much were praising God for sparing their lives and singing! It’s one thing to be saying “Thank you God for sparing me/my family” but actually singing? Wow! That was so touching. These are people who have lost anything from their homes, documents, precious things to their limbs in some cases or family members, yet they were able to raise their voices in song. It blew my mind, serving as another example of “in all things, give thanks”. Of course they are hurting, crushed, sad and feeling other emotions I can’t even guess, but that so soon after this huge life changing event they could raise their voices in song humbles me. I know I could not. I am not there yet.

Are you?

To answer other questions, I was last in Nigeria in 2008 and I hope to go either this year or in 2011. It’s my preference to go in October/November so that I can miss out on some of the chilly weather here, but my co-travelers (mom and sister) want to go earlier in the year. December in Nigeria sounds like it would be too hectic for me, and to be honest I like spending Christmas with all my immediate family and since my brothers don’t have the money to go to Naija anytime soon, Christmas must be in Canada.

There were so many other great suggestions for things to bring to naija as relates to the bathroom and personal grooming:

• flashlight – this is a must! Actually I have to talk about flashlights in a separate entry
• personal cleansing products (body wash with salicylic acid in it, deodorant – the natural kind, hand sanitizer, Evian facial spritzer (I love this idea…I’ll be sure to bring a few spray bottles to fill with water, just in case aerosol cans aren’t allowed on the flight), body splash/perfume (I may not do this due to not wanting to attract mosquitoes), toothpaste, sponges, face wash, etc.)
• a caftan (love this idea of having something fancier than a towel wrapped around me when I’m going to bathe)
• insect killer (a must for me, seeing as I’m such a chicken!)
• insect repellant (I’m adding this one to the list)

Omosi had a great suggestion that’ll come in handy if my luggage is too heavy this time around: When we land in Lagos I can buy some of my supplies there, saving space in the suitcases. If there’s anything missing from the above or from this entry, do speak up!

For me, planning the trip is most of the fun, from sorting out what to bring/what not to bring, packing things efficiently to mapping out how to see everyone we want to see and making sure we have enough time to do everything.

Today I want to talk about clothing and accessories. Last time, I packed too many items that I didn’t wear once in nearly four weeks. I had two large suitcases, both oversize (though, to be fair my mom had packed a lot of stuff in my luggage), but even if you remove all my mom’s cargo, I still had far too much stuff. I was amazed that Adaora managed to pack all her things into a suitcase small enough to be her carry-on! Her reason was she doesn’t trust the airline to make sure her clothing would make it to Naija but still, she blew me away.

This time, I’m focusing on lightweight pieces that can do double duty or be layered/remixed to create different looks. There’s this miracle dress that would be fabulous but it does not come in my size (and I do not have the body to rock it). I’d rather run out of clothing and have to wear something twice in a row than bring a bunch of stuff for nothing (the exception is undergarments where the rule there is the more the merrier!).

But those of you who are seasoned travelers, what clothing items or shoes are absolute musts? Here are mine (keep in mind I don’t go to many fancy events when I’m in Naija, and my style is “CASUAL”):

Clothing

• 10 or more lightweight t-shirts and tanktops
• 5-8 lightweight skirts, shorts, skorts and capris to go with the tees and tanks
• 1 pair of jeans (I still don’t understand how anyone can wear long pants in that weather but maybe I’ll try)
• 1 hoodie for cooler evenings
• 1 casual dress
• 1 fabulous dressy dress

I don’t have to pack any traditional since I will be getting ankara made like crazy! I’m excited just thinking about it and about how much more daring I will be with styles this time around. Everything I brought back looks so boring (it definitely screams old lady). (Also, it fits a lot more snugly since um…being in Nigeria and doing so much walking and sweating took a few pounds off!)

Accessories

• 1 pair of dressy heeled sandals in black, brown or bronze (should go with dressier outfits)
• 1 pair of closed-toe heeled shoes (preference: in a fun colour)
• 1-2 pairs of flat shoes in black (one would be ballet-flat style and the other a dressy sandal…maybe gladiator style)
• 1 pair of bathroom flip flops
• 1 clutch to match the dressy sandals
• 1 basic purse
• A pair of earrings for everyday wear, 2 pairs of dressier earrings, one necklace/earring combo for dressier events and maybe one necklace for everyday wear (it’s so hot that I’ll probably want to have as little on as possible)

I’m still debating whether to bring a pair of sneakers/running shoes and socks. I did last time but didn’t use them at all.

I wonder how closely what I actually pack will match the above. At least I have good intentions.

I love dodo (fried plantain) and this is how plantain looks on the tree before all the yumminess I love to eat happens. I had never seen this before (or maybe I did back in the early 80s but my 3 or 4 year old self did not remember it.

(And now someone’s going to tell me that that’s actually a banana tree rather than a plantain one.)

We have these flowers here too, and I think we call them morning glories. Does anyone know what they are called in Nigeria?

The next two are the same flowers (and their name, according to Tori, is bougainvillea – thanks, Tori!). In the first picture I was trying some photo effect where you get the background to blur while focusing on something more in the foreground. I know there’s a more technical term for that.

Okra!

Confession: I have no idea what sort of melon this is. Is it the one you get egusi from, perhaps?

(Random: I’ve always thought egusi should be spelled egunsi. Or is it spelled egunsi and I thought it should be spelled egusi? Now I’m confused.)

This is a papaya tree, right? We didn’t have papaya or even pineapple while in Nigeria. We did eat a zillion oranges though.

Right now I’d just settle to feel the stifling heat I felt on those days depicted above. Winter: go away!

One of the first families we met when we first moved to Canada was an Igbo family whose eldest child is Ruthie. We lived in the same city and the older children got to grow up together for about five years before my family moved across the country. My siblings and I had not seen our “Uncle” and “Auntie” in the past 20 years, so when Ruthie told me last Friday that her parents would be in our city for the first time ever, we were all pretty excited, but unsure how we would be able to make it all work because they were only there for the weekend to attend a wedding and half of us were working on some or all days of the weekend. Despite that, it all worked out and we were able to have an incredible reunion. It’s amazing how little 20 years showed on them, though of course we were no longer the young children they last saw. It was just great to see them again. Uncle is a pastor and before they left he said a very powerful prayer that addressed so many important things in my family’s life. We were truly blessed by their visit.

Today also marks my two year anniversary blogging at this address. I am so thankful for the joy blogging here has brought to my life. Like I shared last week, I really feel blessed by this blog, preparing posts like this and engaging with you lovely people who inspire me all the time. Last year I held a giveaway to celebrate, but this year I’m keeping things lowkey. Those of you in the mood to celebrate though must visit Vera or London’s Naija Queen, who are both celebrating their birthdays today! Happy Birthday, ladies!

I want to call your attention to something that I found on Tori’s blog. Seun Adebiyi is a Nigerian in the US who is aspiring to be Nigeria’s first winter Olympian, by taking part in the 2014 Olympic Games. He was diagnosed with two rare and aggressive forms of cancer and he really needs a bone marrow transplant. Please visit this facebook page and his blog where you can find out more information about his journey. He also wrote this article on Huffington Post about his journey. I started reading his blog from the beginning but stopped because I became emotional just seeing how a regular blog about his olympic journey suddenly had to make mention of the possibility that he had cancer, then deal with the reality of having cancer. I will read it all though, because what I have read so far inspires me. Rather than crying and focusing on how I feel, I had to spread the news.

How you can help:

1. Donate. 100% of the money donated will be used to test donors.
2. Join the donor registry at DKMS America. We need more Africans and African Americans on the donor list so that Seun and others can more easily find a match. Nigerians in the US, you can help! Seun is trying to recruit 10,000 new donors (and not only Africans!). If you aren’t a match for Seun, you may be a match for someone else. Check the eligibility requirements, and if you qualify, please sign up!

Sometimes we choose not to act out of fear but getting informed is the best way to put any fears to rest. I was operating under some false ideas of what bone marrow donation entailed, and I encourage you to read this section of the DKMS website if you want to know what’s really involved.

I am not eligible to join this registry, but I have donated. Remember: every little bit does help.

And let us not forget HAITI. I cannot imagine what the people there are going through, and I feel very disconnected from it all — my brain understands what has happened but I seem unable to actually contemplate the wreckage, destruction and loss of life that I have read descriptions of in the paper. I work on the 15th floor of a building and we share that floor with the Haitian Embassy. I can only imagine how inundated they have been with calls.

Please, if you can contribute, there are many great charities that are contributing 100% of the money raised to the efforts, organizations like Yele.org, Red Cross, World Vision and Doctors Without Borders to name just a few. If you cannot donate, please check out The Pioneer Woman’s blog entry on Haiti and leave a comment. She will donate 10 cents for each comment received and so far she’s received over 20,000 comments. Let’s grow that number!

I was reminded by this to not to wait until I hear of situations like this before remembering to be thankful for my life or my health.

If you live abroad, and you have family in your home country, you have probably faced this idea of helping your family “back home”. I know, I’m so funny, calling it an idea, as if it’s a philosophy one can choose to adopt or not. I guess there is some choice, but from the perspective of most of our loved ones back home, it’s less of a choice and more of an expectation. Not all relatives are greedy, but there are some who definitely fit the label. This expectation is based on the belief that life where you are is better than life where they are (Nigeria, for example), so it is your job to help them attain a level where they too can be comfortable, or in some cases, more than just comfortable.

This concept of helping family back home can be explored from so many different sides, and I can’t fully address it in one entry, so this will likely be one of a few, spread out over the next while. I had a lively discussion with my brother on the idea of providing financial aid to family members last night, and that is what I’ll focus on right now.

If you went abroad as a student, you probably had or have some family members who expected hoped that you would be able to send them something back regularly when you can. If you came here at a young age or were born abroad, then it was likely your parents that got the brunt of these expectations and requests. I fall into this latter category.

Like most, my parents are not the sort to make a big deal of supporting family members. When their counterparts were putting money aside for their annual vacations, my parents would be thinking about how best to maximize the money they were earning, so they could both support their expanding family and the families they were born into. They had to decide who to send to and when, and how much could be spared. I feel confident saying that those of you who have personally dealt with this approached the situation similarly: the money you sent home was never EXTRA (which implies that your wallets were just too full of money to contain it all), instead, you deprived yourself of things your counterparts enjoyed freely, be it buying your lunch, getting someone to do your hair, watching movies at the theatre (if you’re a student), or buying a brand new car when your 13 year old rusted one dies, renting a home for a few more years instead of saving a chunk of money to put toward a down payment on a house, or maybe shopping at secondhand stores (if you are an adult). Maybe you did all of the above at different times, but you did what you felt you had to do, this was/is life. You ensured your needs were met and probably treated yourself too, but tried to live relatively modestly so you could help family.

Now that I’m older, I am starting to see the full extent of what my parents do, and how little I do in comparison, but I am learning. It is my intention to do so much more than I currently do. Both of my younger brothers were born in Canada, and both are in school, which they are paying for primarily through loans. The elder of the two will tell you that he considers himself more Canadian than Nigerian and that as far as he is concerned, my parents’ obligations are to the family they created who live with them in Canada, and they should not be sending any money anywhere. Our debate or discussion yesterday hinged around this idea of giving even when it wasn’t comfortable for you. Mind you, he has no money to give anybody; he’s in debt himself, but it was the way he said that it’s only when he’s debt free and basically has a good job, a home and a car that he would think about seeing what he could do to help others. I know deep down he probably doesn’t mean it because he’s quite sensitive when he sees someone less fortunate than he is, but the way he said it, so uncaringly, angered me.

My argument was that if he doesn’t have a heart for generosity now, earning a six figure income will not bring that out. I bet many millionaires have not changed when it comes to that basic desire to help others, simply because they are earning more money (but maybe I’m wrong). I suspect that while some do share the wealth, others just graduate to a lifestyle that matches the extra money in the bank. There’s just something about saying you can’t help anyone out until you’re loaded that bothers me. I’m not saying give all that you have away then suffer, but we all know whether putting aside $200 every year to send home is possible or not (nevermind that it might not be considered a large enough sum by some recipients).

But not everyone that receives money back home is actually suffering are they? That’s a topic for another entry! Let’s just say that the more I learn about how things work in my family, the angrier I become when I hear that some don’t think my parents have done enough. I don’t know why I bother getting angry since it’s not like we have to prove anything to anyone. We are all accountable to a Higher Power.

Something tells me that at least some of you can relate, or share stories on the topic.

Well, all except one: I thought I’d start the year by reflecting on what I think the Thankful Thursday posts have done for me, in particular how I really think that they have made me a more appreciative person who recognizes the many ways she’s been blessed.

I can’t believe how much more often I say “Thank God!” It’s a reflex now: I say it when I pull into the parking lot assigned to me at home, whether I’ve been gone from home for 10 minutes or 10 hours, I say it when I miss two steps, trip and don’t fall on my face, smashing my glasses (I tripped like this twice over the Christmas holidays), I say it when my mom comes back from a doctor’s appointment and she’s told that things are going well, I say it when I haven’t heard from my brothers in a few days (especially the youngest, who lives at home but has slept there exactly once this week if I’m not mistaken) and they respond immediately to my text message, I say it when I hear a loud thump upstairs at my parents’ place, a sound that startles me and causes me to rush upstairs only to hear my mom yell “I’m ok! I just dropped a chair/glass/pushed your 21-year-old brother down the stairs”, because she knows I’ll be on my way up to see what is wrong.

Even though saying “Thank God!” is a reflex, It isn’t only that, because right after I say it, I take a moment to recognize what I’m thankful for specifically — it becomes a mini-prayer. And most times it causes me to reflect on other things in my life that I am thankful for at that moment.

Doing the Thankful Thursday has also caused me to be more likely to look for the good in a situation. I’m not always able to do this, but I try to. So when I miss a connecting bus, something that in the past would make me curse, literally (Confession: bus-related wahala really causes me to say awful things…if you’ve had to deal with our city’s unreliable service you may understand…remember they were on strike last year?), I am able to be thankful that it’s “only” a 12 minute walk home, it’s exercise and I have music to listen to which hastens the walk (even though the weather was quite chilly, as it was yesterday).

And related to this positive outlook on life that I feel I am developing slowly, while at my parents’ place today, I felt led to say to my parents and my sister that in 2010, we will not visit the emergency room for anyone in this family, no one will require medical assistance, and we will all remain in good health. (Amen!!) Perhaps for some of you, this is a given in your lives, but for our family, it is not, especially the part about visiting the emergency room. (And please, don’t get me wrong, most of us have been blessed with extremely good health.) So guess what? I’m thanking God in advance for answering this prayer. I am again thankful that we live in a country where it is not difficult for us to access health care when needed. It is also easy to stay healthy if we are willing: grocery stores are plentiful and stock vegetables and other good-for-you food items, and even in this -30 degree Celcius weather that we see some days, there are physical activity options that allow you to enjoy the outdoors (skating and both downhill or cross-country skiing). I didn’t say I partook in them o, just said you can’t use the weather as an excuse not to do outdoor exercise activity!

So, I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that I’m going to keep taking one day in the week to recognize God’s goodness to my family, friends and I.

I’m not always gushing goodness though: check out this guest post I did this week on Oscar’s blog (my first guest post!). The topic is Nigerian men who sulk.