I’m thankful for growth, and I was reminded of how much sense the term growing pains makes! Over the past month I’ve overpondered this idea of entrepreneurship, changing my vision for my life, and actually believing that I can do it, even if this “it” isn’t that well defined. It’s all very much a work in progress, one requiring daily commitment, and that’s the hardest part for me, being consistent. I’m excited by all the wonderful resources that are available online—for free!—to help anyone who is ready to get serious about accomplishing his or her goals. I feel like I’m moving forward and that I’ll look back on 2012 and recall it being the start of something really great.

I truly appreciate the little ways that God takes care of me. One example: just a few minutes ago I did my usual ritual of turning on the light to my doorway to see if I locked my front door. Locking my front door and checking to make sure it’s actually locked before bed are such ingrained habits that I do them on autopilot. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that for the first time in over two years, that door wasn’t locked! I am thankful that I noticed. On that same note, it’s so important to be aware: we sometimes do things on autopilot or are too busy multitasking to really take in all that we’re engaged in. Earlier this week I had to drive back home because I hadn’t paid attention to whether or not my front door was locked and when I returned home, the door was locked. However, I wasn’t paying attention again while re-locking the door so I ended up having to get out of the car just before leaving to check—very unusual for me. My situation is minor but think of what could have happened if I had left my door unlocked in those two occasions. Maybe all would have been well but unfortunately severe consequences have resulted from the actions of distracted people so please: be aware.

I’m thankful for supportive and appreciative friends. Aloted wrote a lovely tribute that left me feeling so loved. I was very touched—it was so unexpected—and I really appreciate her thinking so highly of me. I’ve been helping another friend set up her website (that sounds like I actually know what I’m doing—hah!)…it’s nice to know even my meagre and unprofessional efforts are able to benefit somebody, and these two women have been so supportive to me too. It’s interesting how something—a word we said or an action we decided to make—something that we may not think so highly of, can mean a lot to someone else.

I’m also thankful for the friends who call me out and challenge me. It’s never a comfortable exercise but I (eventually) take something good away from the hard (to hear) but true words that are said.

I am thankful for my parents’ health, something I will never take for granted. I am thankful for my own health too…every day that I can command my body to do what I want it to do—walk, run, jump, sit, eat—is a day to show appreciation to the One who made us. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see someone in a wheelchair without appreciating the blessings I take for granted.

I’m thankful for the power of forgiveness in my life. I had a revelation yesterday that I had been holding several grudges without really thinking about them. They weren’t things that were keeping me awake at night but I can see how with time they could become actual problems. I’m thankful that now that I’m aware of them I can let them go and do what’s necessary to resolve them.

I could keep going but it’s past 2:00am and sleep is winning me over with its charm. Please tune in on twitter to learn what other things I’m thankful for.

Last year, I mentioned that one of the things I was looking forward to in 2011 was the launch of the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) in Canada. Even though the network isn’t doing as well as hoped, there are definitely some shows worth watching (Lifeclass, the Lifeclass Tour, and Master Class), shows that I think can inspire you to change your life. I also shared a bit about my history with the Oprah Winfrey Show and from people’s comments on that post and also in general, Oprah’s the type of person that people either love or don’t really care for.

My colleague and I tried so hard last year to win a spot in the audience of her show during its last season because that would have been a great bucket list item (not that I have a bucket list, mind you). I thought it would be cool to sit in her audience, feel some of that charisma she has, and maybe even get some insight into how she became such a powerful and driven woman. We didn’t succeed in getting tickets so we contented ourselves with watching her Lifeclass series when it began airing last October and my friend and I were hooked. I bought a notebook to take notes about each episode because I was certain that if I paid attention to the lessons, I would learn one or two things that would help propel me to greatness.

When the Lifeclass episodes stopped airing last November, I wanted to watch them all over again because they’re the kind of thing that you really have to hear more than once for all the deep messages to sink in. Also, I wasn’t able to get all the notes that I wanted down (thankfully they’re now doing reruns on OWN). But then we heard that the second season of Lifeclass was being called the Lifeclass Tour and Oprah would be traveling around the USA sharing some of the lessons from the first season that people wanted more information about. Once again there was an opportunity to win your way into her audience, so I tried to get into the New York City session without success. But then at the end of February I got an email saying she’d be coming to Toronto in April — it would be her first trip to Canada (if I’m not mistaken)! My Oprah-loving colleague was in my office when I read that email so I told her about it and she said we had to go! I’m very thrifty (or is that cheap?) so when I discovered the cheapest tickets had sold out within two hours of the show being announced by email, I was not happy at the thought of paying for the second cheapest tickets. But then I put the cost in perspective to past wasteful spending and decided it was worth it! My friend and I bought our tickets and now in a few short days we’ll be in Toronto! The show will actually be taped live so if our seats aren’t too far back we may actually become overnight celebrities too (jokes!).

Will our lives be forever changed as a result of this trip? Maybe not, but I’m learning so much from the Lifeclass Tour and I know this information is sinking in, even if I don’t act on it for years to come. The videos are actually available online so if you’re interested, check them out:

1. March 26, 2012: Stopping the Pain (with Iyanla Vanzant)
2. April 2, 2012: Living Fearlessly (with Tony Robbins) — I mentioned this one just the other day.
3. April 9, 2012: Living with Purpose (my favourite episode so far!!) (with Bishop TD Jakes)

Have you ever gone to see someone you admire live (Ginger got to meet Chimamanda Adichie—so cool!)? Who would you love to meet in person to pick their brain?

I came across the above quote this past weekend, and I shared it with my sister and we kind of had a “A hah!” moment. It came to me again so I put it on twitter too. It’s a cautionary tale: if you’re not careful you could end up being someone who helps others achieve their goals without ever accomplishing your own! It isn’t a bad thing to help others but when you’d rather help others because it’s easier than trying to help yourself, that’s not good.

I can relate to this: I have dreams of my own, but the path to achieve them is not easy so I procrastinate and instead focus on what I can do to help others with their dreams. My friend and I are both planning to launch websites this year. My friend is a motivated person who lists her goals and works consistently and methodically to cross each goal off her list. I make partial lists of goals and procrastinate on doing every single thing on the (incomplete) list. When I realized that my friend had a plan and knew what she wanted, I happily offered my skills where I felt they could be used, and appreciated that she respected me enough to seek my input. I helped her do things for her own site that I haven’t made the time to do for my site, but it’s easy to help someone who knows what they want and where they’re going, unlike me.

My friend has been apologetic for asking for help (which is silly because I love providing the assistance and am totally inspired by her work and her plans!) because she knows I have these issues of procrastination and laziness. I guess part of me feels like as long as I’m working on goals, even someone else’s, then it’s ok, but this quote forces me to remember that it’s not.

So, it’s time to create balance: I don’t have to change the time I spending helping others, because I’m no Mother Teresa who gives and gives and gives, but I do have to stop putting my goals on the back-burner because dealing with them is harder than I want them to be. This is a generalization but my struggles with procrastination sometimes make me question my “Nigerianness” because to me, Nigerians are goal makers and goal achievers! I want to be one too!

Happy New Month to you! Wishing friends and family a happy new month is such a Nigerian thing to me (but maybe other non-Canadian cultures do it too?). Anyway, I love the surprise text messages I get from several friends, wishing me all sorts of great things in the new month. Waiting until midnight strikes on December 31 to send such wishes is just too long because we need encouragement and reminders to be hopeful every. single day.

(Or maybe it’s just me?)

(It’s not. This life is hard.)

March was a challenging month for me in every area of my life: career, relationships, friendships, finances, health, and sense of self-worth. I was never hopeless or in total despair and I did have honestly thankful moments. Even at my worst I was so glad that my parents’ collective health was ok. However, I battled and am still battling anger, disappointment, fear, insecurity, whininess, pity-seeking, selfishness, and pride. I feel sorry for anyone who had to hear even a bit about how I’ve been feeling about all the different areas in my life. The good news is I’m getting through it and I truly thank God for that.

One great blessing that happened was yesterday. It was Earth Hour and between 8:30 and 9:30 in the evening people around the world were encouraged to turn off their lights and generally consume as little energy as possible. I was committed to this idea. My laptop’s battery and phone battery were almost completely drained so I plugged them in before Earth Hour with the idea that I’d have enough “juice” in them to power them for the next hour so I could stay connected to the world. But as I ran around my house unplugging everything, I realized that to truly commit to this, I would have to unplug my modem and my router, meaning no internet on my computer!

(The horror, right?)

But I’d still have my phone.

However, five minutes into Earth Hour, I realized that wasn’t how I wanted to spend my hour. Instead of it being a case of “Let me use all the devices that I can until they die and then sit here counting down until 9:30pm”, I wanted to to use the time to reflect so that’s what I did. I prayed about some of the things on my mind, brought up all the scenarios dancing around my head and tried to work out strategies to tackle them. I should have written it down but I was in a cocoon I had created for myself with blankets and asking me to move would have been too much.

However I’ve taken time today to write down most of it and work on a plan for success in those areas that are lagging.

And guess what? The hour flew by, I came out of it calmer and more at peace.

March was not easy but I did learn some lessons:

• Sometimes the very thing you think will bring you closer will drive you apart.
• Just because something is your priority does not make it someone else’s priority, no matter how much they love you.
• Very few people in this world can give you unconditional love like family.
• Don’t settle for less (especially with cable and internet companies!)
• You will probably regret letting your pride win (this is a lesson my pride insists on letting me learn the hard way…ouch in advance!).
• Fear of failure will stop you from reaching your full potential so DO IT ALREADY. I can do it!!! (To help, I’m watching Living Fearlessly tomorrow).
• You cannot make someone want the best for themselves. If you’re working harder than they are for it, there’s a problem there.

I wish you all the best in April…let’s show this month who’s boss!

The one huge thing I’m thankful for this week is the gorgeous weather! In a city where the temperature is usually hovering close to zero degrees at this time of the year, it’s amazing to have temperatures that are 20 degrees above zero. Maybe I should be worrying about global warming but for now I’m loving this weather.

I increased the time between relaxers to make my hair healthier (I used to relax it every 8-9 weeks, now I’m going 12-13 weeks between relaxers) and around the 10-week mark my hair looks pretty atrocious, with the new growth and old growth vying for supremacy. Obviously my laziness doesn’t help: I’m still waiting for a miracle where I can wake up and have hair that’s good to go. When my financial blessings increase (by God’s grace), I’ll commit funds to regular hair appointments for sure. I dream of having weekly hair appointments, where someone else washes my hair, deep-conditions it, and styles it—does anyone have a husband who’s taken on the task of personal hair stylist so I can dream of all that awaits me in married life? :)

My hair’s been relaxed since I was 17 years old and the reason I initially went the relaxed route is because I naively thought my hair would behave in that “wash and wear” style that my hair did not: I thought I’d be able to wash my relaxed hair, have it air dry, and have it move when I moved, so when I’d nod for example, I’d feel the gentle weight of my hair at the back of my neck. Hah! That illusion was shattered pretty early in my relaxed hair journey. I discovered that many of the Black women I had seen on television and in magazines with what I thought was swishy relaxed hair that moved were actually wearing weaves or wigs, or their ancestry included other groups of people whose hair was a different texture from mine. Oh the disappointment! Oh my naiveté!

So here I am, 16 years later, and with the exception of the braids I get done when I visit Nigeria, I’ve been rocking relaxed hair. I always love my braids, and I wear them for months here until they start looking really awful. My excuse for not getting my hair braided here is the expense: it’s crazy to pay $120 (or much more) for a head of braids when the cost for braids in Nigeria would be a fraction of that and in many cases the styles that would be done would be much more complex and so well done! Even though I know Canada and Nigeria are different, it still galls me to think of paying so much for a head of braids. But then I have to consider how long the braids would last. If that $120 gives me braids I can wear for three months, a style that would literally be wash and go, then it’s worth it. My hair will look perfect every day. I won’t have to think about how unkempt I look and for me that’s about as good as it gets. I wish I could be like my mom, sister, and other women who care about their appearance to the level of making an effort but alas, I think I was born without that gene.

My sister and I didn’t learn to braid hair, which is a shame because we could be helping each other now, and we’d also be ready for our future daughters. I’m starting to think I’m too old to learn but that’s just an excuse: when I have a little girl (or when I’m expecting one!) I’ll be more motivated to learn.

If I were to succumb to the desire to chop most of my hair off, I’d have other hair management issues (because I secretly—and perhaps erroneously—think unrelaxed hair requires more maintenance than relaxed hair). And what if I turn out to be one of those women who looks hideous (or mannish) with short hair (unlike women who look pixieish, feminine, delicate, and adorable with short hair)? The horror!

So where does this leave me? Searching for a stylish headband to mask the growth, one that doesn’t leave me looking like I forgot to take off my headband after washing my face or exercising. I’m also left twitching to get my hair relaxed while trying to see if I can wait until the first weekend of April to do it. I’m also contemplating braiding my hair, but I think I’d need to relax it first anyway. I almost asked a woman I saw on the bus yesterday if she could refer me to whoever braided her hair but I didn’t, so I’ll research that as well.

How are you currently wearing your hair?

The predictably long introduction that gives you more background information than you want (or need):

My family is lower-middle class: both of my grandfathers were farmers in Nigeria. My parents did not grow up in houses with plumbing (typical, I imagine, for their generation in Nigeria) and even today, my grandparents live in pretty much the same conditions as they did 30 years ago: their houses do not have an indoor kitchen or indoor plumbing. I think most of my grandparents’ contemporaries own or inherited a home.

My dad worked for six years after finishing high school before coming to North America to study. If he had not received a full scholarship he would have kept working with a goal of earning enough to go to a good school because his love of learning and his belief that it (knowledge) would lead to freedom were the driving factors in his pursuit of higher education. But back to the point of this entry: money. After my dad finished his schooling, and after my parents concluded that their four kids might be best served staying in Canada, given the uncertain economy in Nigeria, they entered into what I’ve always called a typical immigrant experience. Those early years were coloured with extreme budgeting and stretching money as far as it could go. Second-hand shops were known to us. My parents’ strong work ethic led to them work as much as they could but they always put us children first: we never had babysitters because they didn’t have family to watch us and they couldn’t trust strangers with their most precious possession. They just worked their schedules around us until I was old enough to babysit.

My parents rented various living spaces for us in different cities until they bought a house in 1998, shortly after my dad got a permanent job with a secure employer. They’re about halfway through paying their mortgage I think, and given their ages (late 50s/early 60s) they are years behind their Canadian counterparts, who have paid off their homes by that age.

If I asked my parents, I think they’d say that their financial situation has improved from those early days in Canada. I feel bad that they’re still working so hard without feeling like they’re making quick progress. I don’t think they’ll feel comfortable retiring until they’ve paid off the house but I don’t want them to physically work so hard anymore. But God has been good and we have been blessed. Every parent dreams that their children will be able to live a better life than their own, and have more money or material possessions with which to do it, and my parents are no different. When I bought my house (I have a 25-year mortgage, of course!) just before I turned 30 years of age, they were very proud and happy for me. When I bought a new car last year (to be paid off in the next 4-5 years hopefully!), they were again pleased. They (and I) hope that my siblings will be able to do even better when the time comes.

But the ability to do these things comes down to money. I definitely didn’t have the money to pay for either of my purchases in cash, but it was important for me to make a significant downpayment on the house. If my dad hadn’t encouraged me to invest whatever I could starting in my late teens, and if I hadn’t schooled in the same town that my parents lived in, I would probably have had a lot more debt than I had when I finished school, and buying a house or a car would not have been possible until I paid off my debt. Although my parents didn’t pay for my schooling, they provided me with a safe and secure home in which to live, which allowed me to save the money needed for the downpayment (after paying off my student loans). The good example they set with living within their means rubbed off on me and I learned how to be disciplined enough to manage my money in a way that I could pay my bills once I was living on my own.

What was the point of this entry again?
So back to my newfound interest in financial freedom. I was complacent because I thought I was doing well: I have a plan in place to pay off my house in a little less than 25 years and I increased my bi-weekly payments at the end of the last year so I can pay off my car sooner. But could I do better? I never thought to ask that question until near the end of last year because I was satisfied with my efforts. After getting inspired by a colleague’s examination of her finances I decided to look at my own. That led to me reading The Automatic Millionaire: Canadian Edition: A Powerful One-Step Plan to Live and Finish Rich this week and after that I was inspired do more. The original book was written for an American audience so those of you who are interested can check it out.

The information the book provides is very practical. The first principle is to “pay yourself first”, and take advantage of the opportunity to make contributions to your RRSPs (retirement savings, the Canadian equivalent of the 401(k)) before taxes are taken off your income, reducing your taxable income. The “automatic” part of the plan is to set up everything—contributions to your savings and payment of debts—as automatic withdrawals or transfers, so that you don’t have to count on yourself to be disciplined: just set it up once and everything happens by magic.

One of the examples given in the book is of a couple who bought a house, paid it off as soon as possible, bought another house and kept the first home as a rental property, the profits from which were no doubt used to pay off the new house as soon as possible. Guess what? I want to do the same thing! Owning more than one piece of property wasn’t something I ever aspired to—I’d be happy to own one—but when you read a book like that it’s hard not to be inspired to make your money work hard for you and make things like this happen.

Nigeria versus Canada (or the USA)
One thing I like about home ownership in Nigeria is if you say you’ve bought a home it’s actually 100% yours in most cases: you can build your house at your own pace and when it’s finished there’s no mortgage to worry about. If I had to wait until I could pay for a house in cash before buying, I’d never be a homeowner! The interest I’ll pay at the end of the whole thing is annoying to think of, but the only way to minimize interest payments on a mortgage is to pay it off as fast as you can.

I don’t know if the Nigerian government has programs to encourage Nigerians to save for their future. I think some employers must offer pensions that are paid to the employee upon retirement but I really don’t know if that’s the case. I also don’t have a good sense of the general attitude toward money in Nigeria, especially saving for the future so please educate me:

1. What is the general feeling among Nigeria-based Nigerians about saving for the future, debt, and being economical?
2. What is your approach to money: Are you frugal? Do you invest? Are you dealing with debt?
3. What are your future goals with regard to financial freedom? Do you have a plan to get there?

If you’re lucky enough to be employed, I hope you’ll think about saving some of your earnings for your future, both long-term and for a rainy day. If you’re in debt and feel hopeless about the future don’t! I promise you that with consistent work to pay down what you owe, it will go down. You will and can get financially free.

A friend of mine pointed me to Richellephant’s blog that has a neat idea on how to keep track of things that have made you happy over the past year in a tangible way: make a Happy Jar! Richelle’s focus is on things that make her happy, while mine will be on things that I’m thankful for…kind of the same thing, really. I’ll be visiting my local dollar store (after first checking my parents’ house first) to see if I can find the perfect jar for this project. I want to take the time to decorate the jar too…I miss being crafty/creative.

Since my jar isn’t ready yet, let me share my thankful list the old fashioned way. I am thankful for:

1. My loving mother: she gives and gives and gives without getting sick of it! That makes me sick (hehe)! It also humbles me immeasurably because if she can be so willing to cook a meal for her grown children or her friend, after working in a job that requires her to stand all day, and given her many medical concerns, how much more should I be willing to serve her or others around me? She’s the best example of a good neighbour I know of. I feel bad that I’m not as motivated as she is to serve and I’m constantly inspired by her. Her heart is so huge. When I say I’m tired, how can I really compare that to what a woman 25 years my senior is going through? I don’t know how to communicate what I’m trying to say but I always thank God for my mom.
2. My friends. From listening to me to feeding me, they treat me so well. I hope they’re getting a good friend out of their relationship with me!
3. Spring-like weather, though I’m told winter will be rearing its ugly head soon enough.
4. The free resources offered by my local library. I’ve always been a fan of the library, but now it’s not just for books: last week I attended a presentation about starting a business and yesterday’s presentation was about branding and brand image. Both were very informative and got me excited about entrepreneurship. There was even a workshop about the blogging or website software WordPress, but it looked like they’d be covering pretty basic stuff so I didn’t attend. If you have access to a library in your area I’d recommend you check them out. Libraries are about a lot more than books nowadays.
5. Family Day, the holiday we had this past Monday. I actually spent the day with my family and it was a nice day. I wish we could have Monday off every week!

I hope you have a few things to be thankful for!

Unfortunately Myne didn’t receive her card, so I decided to check with those who hadn’t already contacted me to see if they got their cards. Then I decided to do a little trivia of card-related stuff:

• Number of people who signed up: 20
• Number of people who sent me their mailing address: 15 (nine in North America, four in Europe, two in Africa). I sent an email reminder to those who hadn’t sent their address in.

• Number of cards mailed by me: 15
• Number of people who confirmed receipt of their card: 9
• Number of people who confirmed they did not receive the card: 4
• Number of people I didn’t hear from (but I hope they got their card!): 2

I’m so disappointed that four cards went missing: two that were sent to the USA and two that went to Nigeria. I’m most surprised about the USA-bound cards, given the proximity of Canada and USA, and given the relatively reliable postal services in both countries. My guess is those cards were casualties of a busy Christmas season and I wonder how many cards get lost during heavier-than-normal mailing seasons. I still think it’s an unusually high number of cards to lose though!

The Nigeria-bound cards not reaching their destination did not surprise me: my skepticism of Nigeria’s postal system (from past experience rather than assumption) is a reason why I normally don’t offer to mail cards to Nigeria. After I mailed the cards I realized that the fact that they were a bit 3-dimensional worked against them: someone in the mail-sorting department might have thought there was something in the cards and ripped open the envelope, only to see some fabric and other crafty goodness instead. Having destroyed the envelope, what else could they do but throw the card away?

A friend of mine from Europe says the same thing would happen if she tried sending something like the cards I made to her home country. Her mom does something clever though: she doesn’t seal the envelope! That way if an opportunistic thief curious person who wants to see the contents of the envelope can without damaging the envelope. If they are not interested in a handmade card addressed to someone else they can simply close or seal the envelope and keep it moving. Of course someone might be rotten and simply throw the card away anyway, in punishment for the lack of a prize within the card. I will try this trick next year.

I also received Christmas cards, from reader Gochi and Clara…lucky me!

I love receiving mail that isn’t a bill, and I think a lot of people do. But as we do less writing on paper and more typing, the art of sending letters or cards may soon die. Because of that I want to write thank you cards this year for situations where I’d normally just say thank you in person. I can still say thank you, but I’ll also share a card too. I’ll start with a thank you card for my neighbour, who left a loaf of banana bread and a Christmas card on my doorstep (so nice!).

I’ve been thinking a lot about my goals for this blog, the Nigerian Blog Awards site, and All my single ladies, and comparing those goals to my progress in the past four, two-and a half, and almost-two years respectively to make those blogs what I wanted them to be. I’ve had moments of great inspiration for blog posts but overall, I feel like I’ve been coasting a bit, blogging what I want to blog at the moment without checking the idea for the blog post against the overall goal and flow of this blog in particular. The bigger problem is my goals for the blogs were vague and not written down anywhere. I don’t have anything to compare my progress to except a feeling that things aren’t always where I expected or wanted them to be in 2012.

It may seem like I’m making big a deal of nothing because this is “just a blog” and on top of that this blog belongs to me so I can do whatever I want with it. However, what has come through to me from all my reading is the importance of focusing my blogs. Just because I have 101 things that I’d like to talk about doesn’t mean I have do it all on one blog, or all at once. I want this blog to have better flow between entries, more consistency in when entries are posted. I want to make sure that visitors get what they expect from the blog, from me. There’s a lot to be said for having a plan for your blog and following it. With a plan I’ll be able to better measure whether my site is reaching its target audience and from there, I can figure out how to evaluate whether it’s bringing value to the awesome readers.

If you’re struggling with this idea of focusing your blog, the solution is simple: set goals, review them regularly, and work weekly (though daily would be better!) to achieve them. And, if you’re a procrastinator like me, you’ll have to hire a life coach to force you to do what you need to do (anyone know a life coach who works for free?).

Thanks to aloted, I came across a video by Tyler Perry called How to be Successful. In it, Mr. Perry says:

“Narrow your focus to one idea. One. And make it work. That will give birth to all of the others. All you can do is plant the seed and water it. God himself has to give the increase. Only God can make the sun shine. Only God can bring the rain. But if you planted the seed you’ve done your part.”

The part about focus really spoke to me because I’m notoriously all over the place and unfocused. In the end I don’t end up moving forward; I just sort of stay in the same place.

Speaking of focus, one thing that I really enjoy talking about is blogging. The last few entries I’ve drafted (but not posted) have been about blogging but I know for some readers it’s not their cup of tea.

Do you like reading about blogging?