My thoughts on sex before marriage are here and here. I have been lucky to have never been tempted to have sex with any man. This is what happens when you are single, single, single. Whenever the issue of sex comes up with a guy, oftentimes (I didn’t say all the time) he will say something similar to “a woman being a virgin when she gets married will be a good gift for her husband”. And not just guys: other women who have had sex, if they hear of a woman planning to save it for marriage will often commend her, saying it’s a good thing she’s doing and she won’t regret it. I’m not sure if they’re saying it because they actually believe it because they have regrets about their own situation, or they’re trying to sound supportive. A couple of reasons this rubs me the wrong way is:
- you don’t often hear the opposite being articulated (men abstaining from sex for their future wives)
- most of the guys saying this are lying through their teeth because if they were actually dating one of these women who wanted to save sex for marriage, they either wouldn’t be able to date her longer than a few
days weeksmonths because not having sex is a deal breaker for them, or they’d try to use their “persuasive powers” to change the girl’s view on sex out of wedlock (I don’t blame blame them and I know that a man who wants a little somethin’ somethin’ can be quite persuasive, and temptation would be a big problem. The average woman (me included) would probably be tempted to become putty in his hands).
(Am I wrong?)
(We won’t bring in the Christianity aspect since none of us who claim to be Christians can say we adhere perfectly to all parts of the bible, so I can’t say I’m “such a good Christian” for not having sex while I’m busy sinning in others ways.)
So what’s my point? Well, I may not have one. Maybe I want more guys to say what they’re really thinking on the matter, that they think waiting until marriage to have sex with a woman is something they are not prepared to do, though they admire the decision in principle. Maybe I want to hear more guys talking about abstaining (it’s possible I’m just not in contact with such guys. Ekene Agabu is the only guy I know who actually has it out there). Maybe I want to believe that it’s possible in my 30s to meet a guy who will respect my decision and honour it along with me. I’d like to think the right guy would (and not run screaming, certain that I will be a frigid woman in bed). I’d also like to deal with reality.
I don’t mind if my future boyfriend or husband has had other partners, mostly because I’m practical and if a 30 year old female who has not yet had sex is rare, the male version is even rarer. However, I will care about the number he’s sharing. If he’s in his 30s and had lost count, or passes his age when counting up his past partners, that is too many for me.
Ok, enough out of me:
- What are your thoughts on premarital sex?
- Is there a number of partners that you find acceptable for your future spouse to have had?
- Will you share your number (with your partner)?
- Are male virgins in their late 20s and beyond as rare as a solid week of constant electricity in Nigeria?