I don’t know what the average age is in North America for a girl or woman to lose her virginity, but I suspect that there are some Nigerian women who are doing their part to keep that average up.
I grew up in a Christian household. My mom did have the occasional conversation with me about sex but basically she was repeating information that my sister and I had already absorbed from those around us and from church: premarital sex is a sin. Your virginity is something precious that should be saved for the right man (his name is Your Husband). When it comes to big things like sex, drugs and alcohol, I’m about as obedient as they get and take no chances, so it’s no surprise that I feel like I’m on my way to being the female version of the 40 Year Old Virgin.
That said, I don’t think I’m better than non-virgins my age because I have not yet had sex. If you’ve never been tempted, it’s very easy to still be a virgin at an advanced age, and that’s my situation. I didn’t date much, and therefore I was never in a situation where I almost had sex with anyone. I’ve never been in a relationship that tempted me to make that move, and my one relationship did not last long enough to even discuss sex.
Over the years, I have had friends who believed that sex was something they would save for marriage, for religious reasons or as a personal choice. However, within three months of being in serious relationships, the women gave in to their desire and the desire of their partner to have sex. I don’t judge them because I can only imagine how it would feel to be in that situation, and I wonder how strong my own willpower would be. I can’t imagine knowing someone for only three months before I sleep with them but again, I think it’s one of those things I’d have to experience before I can comment on it.
Since I’m so comfortable and familiar with this path of virginity, it’s far easier to maintain it. I’ve become used to it and I can’t imagine throwing it away on a one night stand or something short term, just to be rid of it.
Every so often, when I’m talking to a guy (usually it’s a guy I’m just getting to know, and usually it’s online) and he finds out I’m a virgin (and finally realizes that I’m not joking), he’s shocked. I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted: is he shocked because I’m such hot stuff he figured some man would have gotten in my pants already or did he think I was “easy”? I haven’t ever spoken to a guy who has said “wow, that’s great! I admire your motivation and dedication to waiting for the right person.” In fact, from talking to guys on Nigerian forums about sex in a general manner, most have said they don’t think it’s a big deal to marry a virgin. And most of these guys are Christians themselves.
It makes me a bit sad that as I get older, the chance of marrying a guy who has only had a few partners, or who is a virgin (I know: impossible!) is next to zero. While I am happy to save my virginity for that special person, I wonder if I’ll be sad that he hasn’t done the same thing, or if I will be glad to marry someone who has experience.
Most of the other Nigerians I know who are still virgins are similar to me: they haven’t dated much, nor have they been in a situation where they had to make a conscious decision not to sleep with a significant other. Temptation is so much easier to resist when you’re not faced with it! On her blog, Favoured Girl covers what was involved in her and her fiancÃ©’s decision to remain pure before marriage in her blog, Journey down the aisle. You don’t often read about people who consciously make the decision to abstain from sex from a young age, who have several relationships where they have to make a conscious decision to not have sex, and who are able to stay true to who they are and what they believe it so I recommend you read her blog if you’re feeling weak, or if you have questions about whether it can be done.
I’ll end here but I know this is a topic that will come up again.