Impatiently single

I try to stay positive because no one wants to read blog entries that make them feel blue and I’d rather not put any more negativity out there. So let me instead call this a dose of reality: in my experience, waiting for a mate sucks most of the time. Yup, I said it! A human can only be patient for so long before those feelings of unworthiness creep in. I start thinking the reason I don’t have a “plus one” is because I don’t deserve one. Maybe I’m not nice enough, maybe I’m not smart enough, maybe I’m too fat, maybe I’m just plain unattractive!

But just when I’ve decided that I’ve finally discovered why I’m single, I’ll meet someone who’s meaner or fatter than I who is happily married to a wonderful man, leaving me back at square one, wondering what is wrong with me. (And of course I’ll feel awful for judging people and comparing them to me!) Or I’ll meet women far lovelier and kinder than I who are shockingly single and then I’ll realize that things really are not fair for these women either.

If you have ever felt like this, here’s the reminder we need: we are enough, exactly as we are. We don’t need to lose a pound or gain one IQ point to dazzle someone. We don’t need new clothing or more or less of anything to win someone’s heart. It’s tempting to “blame” your singleness on something (It’s my neuroses! or I’m too career-minded!) but I believe that when God matches you with your mate, you will be accepted by that person just as you are. To me there really is no greater gift than for someone to see you for who you are, annoying habits and all, and want to be with you anyway.

So what do we impatient singles need? To (continue to) wait. We need to wait until God’s timing matches our own timing, and trust that one day those two dates WILL coincide. Unfortunately we don’t get to know how long the wait is. At my age (33 in three short months!), having to wait even six months longer feels like punishment, but what if my wait is six more years? Or longer?

Gulp.

I won’t lie to you: if that’s the case, I see some emotional breakdowns in my future. Nothing tragic, mind you, but I will certainly shed more tears of frustration.

So to those waiting far more patiently than I, to those who are dedicating their time to living life and accomplishing their goals, congratulations! You’re doing just what you should be doing because life goes on, significant other or not. To those like me who have gotten caught up in feeling blue and feeling in limbo? Shake it off! Remember those goals you want to achieve, remember that God’s timing is best, and live your life. (Taking some time here and there to be weepy is ok I say…it’s part of being human. Just don’t take too long!)

I’ll try to follow my own advice.

6 thoughts on “Impatiently single

  1. Your post jus hit d nail on d head, I have felt that way a lot of time, blamed myself, asked God ‘why’ even tried to make things work with d wrong ones but still .. .. Will be 34 in a few months, I will still continue to wait even if waiting sucks, even if family and friends are not making it easy, I will wait cos I know the reward of waiting for God’s match. Tanx for not making me feel am alone in dis time if waiting.

  2. Love this post – and even though I’m in a relationship I can totally relate. Waiting is hard and with relationship stuff it’s harder – the more pro-active you become the bigger the potential to scare your mate off.

    I think living your life is the best solution and advice you can give – get involved in things that interest you – maybe even some that scare you :) and just be open to your opportunities – Here’s hoping it’s more in the 6 months than 6 years range :)

    Also – I have to agree that you really ARE Lovely and Funny and Smart! I count myself lucky to know you :)

    • Oh Sarah you’re so kind! Thank you for connecting with the post and for your lovely words. I agree with your idea which I see as giving myself (or creating) opportunities to grow as a person. Love it!

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