Living for you

The Parakeet posted a couple of weeks about how she used to make decisions based on whoever her future husband would be, and how she will no longer do that: from now on, her decisions will be made based on herself alone.

I’m a fairly selfish person, but I prefer my decisions have my parents’ approval. This doesn’t mean that I never make decisions that they don’t understand or approve of: when I know they won’t like my decision, I try to convince them that I know what I’m doing, and try to get them to agree with me, but if they don’t, and it’s something I really want to do, I will do it.

The Parakeet’s entry got me thinking because this whole process of buying a house has been a bit of an emotional one, and I haven’t even bought the house yet sef! I have lived with my parents for nearly 29 years. I lived at home when I went to school. I seriously thought that because I didn’t go away to school, when I moved out of the house it would be for one of two reasons:

  • because I got a job in a different city from the one my parents live in
  • because I was getting married (to a guy I had dated while living at home)

When I started talking seriously to my parents about buying a house, this decision was not met with a lot of enthusiasm by them: my mom expressed thoughts like my own, that she didn’t see the reason to buy a house because she didn’t see me leaving home until I moved to my husband’s house. It made me sad because if past behaviour is an indicator of future behaviour (Thanks Dr. Phil!) then I have no reason to believe that my Prince Charming is going to show up any time soon (this is where Hope kicks in). Because of that, it’s crucial that I live my life for me and not wait for something that may or may not happen to determine my future. A few years from now, I don’t want to regret not buying a house in 2008 because I was depending on a factor that was not 100% within my control. I have to move on with my life, live the best life possible, even if that means dealing with things aren’t going as I hoped.

It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. If you can’t live for yourself who can you live for?

Although I wasn’t expecting to make this particular house buying decision on my own, I’m proud of my decision to buy a place. I think it’s a great investment and I’m glad that my education led to a job that allows me to be able to consider buying a place. I know that once it’s purchased, I’ll have a ball decorating it. I’ll also love hosting friends who come to visit, and having a place to experiment cooking Nigerian food.

It may end up being the best decision I have ever made.

Now before you leave comments telling me not to give up hope on finding Mr. Right, don’t worry: I haven’t. What I am ready to do is live an awesome life even if I never meet him (which is a possibility, no matter what any of you kind people say). There are no guarantees in life and I think it’s healthy to consider that this could be one of those things that might not happen for me. Consider it sha, not dwell on it, and start wearing tshirts that say “Single for life” or some other nonsense.

How about you? Is there anything that you’ve been putting off doing because you thought it depended on someone else? Give it a try and maybe you’ll discover that you don’t need anyone other than yourself (and God) to make it happen after all.

14 thoughts on “Living for you

  1. This is a very thought provoking post.

    Although I am not yet of the age, or should I say financial capability (seeing as I'm still at uni), I have not yet thought about these things, however I have had it rung in my ears over and over again. I have a sibling who had so many chances to buy one, but due to one circumstance or the other, she wasnt able to do so, till she got married. Now, a few glitches in the marriage make her regret not doing so. Not so that she has a place to move out to, but that now that she is a housewife, she has nothing, but her children.

    I clearly understand where your parents are coming from, and you are right, I think it is because you didn't move out to university. If you had, things would have been different. Our parents have this belief, especially for their female children that, they have to stay home till they get married. Now, the world is evolving, and this is not the norm anymore. They believe it shows decency on the girl's part, but also I believe that if you have a place of yours, it raises your standards in the sight of a man, and he (may) treat you with more respect and regard. On the other hand, it may draw the wrong kinds of men towards you…if you get what I mean.

    Either way, I think you should go for it. Trust me, you'll have a blast decorating it.

    And don't give up just yet, the best is yet to come!

  2. Please go ahead do buy the house, take your time to get good bargain especially with the current market you will be able to get a very good deal.

    Let;s just say I have been 30+ for a while and can't imagine if I had not invested in the name of waiting for husband.

  3. Okay here is my take on it: BUY THE HOUSE…why you ask? cos this is your life.A while back,I used to think that when I hit the big bucks,I will do this and I will do that(as you can see,my decision making wasn't dependent on anybody but on ego(money!)!…almost materialistic but realistic gal that I am!!!).
    Till my good old pastor told me,that "this is my life",I should live it daily…not waiting for some fairy godmother to drop some cool dutch on my laps…I am also in the process of buying a place(still saving :o)) and waiting for house prices to crash further…lol no pun intended to home owners,I just want my own slice of the property cake!
    Meen this comment is getting longer than I intended but I'll spill my guts sha,I also remember my new pastor's wife saying something about how she repented when the famous single lady Michelle Mckinney Hammond came to my church and preached on Jereremiah 29v1-11…Cos sometimes we get programmed to prepare for marriage and in the process,we hold back on so many beautiful opportunities to prosper and progress in life…just like you said,don't get me wrong o…I haven't given up on men folk,cos I know that there are still very good men out there and trust me one of them is MINE! when he eventually comes along,we shall be complimenting each other cos we are individually complete in christ…sorry o am not trying to Bible bash or worever but that's my foundation…

  4. Great Post GNG! Life is not static, you gotta keep moving, keep achieving, so even if u don't have all the pieces together now, eventually it will all fit.
    I can't wait to be invited to one of those get togethers :)

  5. I'm very young (as per naija way, i shouldnt even be thinking this, but I'm already thinking of buying a place when the oppportunity presents itself. I dont see why you shouldnt.
    Its a good investment, and now is the best time to be buying!

  6. I think u should buy ur house jo, husband or not. My sister who got married last yr was already engaged but she went ahead and got a house. You know anything u get b4 marriage is yours, but anything after is community property. We all want out marriages to last 4ever, but i'm all for a woman being independent. Too many women have been screwed cos they were dependent on a man, my mom included. I have learned very important lessons, trust me.

    I totally support ur decision. Hopefully, i will be invited to come eat some of ur nigerian concortions… i mean dishes. LOL

  7. I was thinking along the lines of this subject a few months ago and I asked my mum and some friends about it. It just seemed weird that I was/would be filling my life with stuff/activities and people without sharing it with a husband. But that is changing. I realize that I should live a full life. It is God's will for me; with or without a husband. Thus when the time comes (as God directs) for me to move into another stage in life (such as buying a house, or moving to a different city/country to work), I will trust what God says, how He leads and will move along with Him. I will suggest that you do the same.

  8. Hey Babes!
    Nice post. Definitely you should enjoy shopping for a house and the mortgage too! I almost bought this cute cottage after school, (I was amazed at how accessible mortgages are) but ofcourse had to abort it all when I packed my bags. You're doing the right thing. On marriage, my phil is live up the single life…if the right one comes along, live up the mrs. life:)

  9. Happy Birthday!!

    Please look out for hot investments like buying houses and stocks and go for them. One cannot cruise on life waiting for a husband before you can take such investments. A husband will come when he is good and ready, but what if he never does?

    I have aunts that have been waiting and they are in thier 50s, no house, no investments just becuse they made the wrong decisions.

    I just bought a car last month and I am shopping for a House now. I told my parents about the car after acquiring it and guess what? They said it was too big for me. yhough they were happy, but Dad suggests I sell it and get something smaller.

    The house will be via mortgage though, but being single, I need to channel my funds rightly while hoping that He comes along and commends me for such a good job becuse I am sure ready to help with the Finances.

    Invest wisely though!

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