Love don’t come easy

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

-The Supremes, You Can’t Hurry Love

I didn’t have a boyfriend in primary school, or high school, or university. After high school I told myself that I was a late bloomer and for sure love would happen in university. When it didn’t, I told myself that I’d meet someone in my 20s, and I’d get lucky on my first try and he’d be the one I’d marry, kind of as a prize for being patient and dealing with the heartache of rejection (because for me, never being chosen by the guys I had crushes on was painful rejection). When my 20s passed without love, I told myself I’d find a good man in my early 30s. I thought I did, but things didn’t work out, and my next attempt didn’t work out either. So here I am, trying to figure out what my next steps should be.

Eight or nine years ago, I read mostly oyinbo blogs, and I got caught up in three blogs by women who were going through the heartache of trying to conceive. I think these women met and became friends as a result of their blogs and their similar journeys. I related so strongly to them as they talked about how it felt to feel left behind, to feel like your friends don’t care about what you’re going through, to be told platitudes like “just don’t think about it and it’ll happen” or “you need to relax” (the equivalents to a single girl are “love will happen when you least expect it” or “you’ll find someone if you just stop being so picky”). When the women wondered why this thing that was so easy for many, even those who didn’t want it, was so hard for them, I connected so strongly. Happily all three of these women became mothers, though their journeys differed from each other, and some had to wait longer than others.

A whole bunch of thoughts, many irrational, come into your head when you’re waiting for something you want so much. It is not easy, and only someone who has gone through this can really understand the many emotions that one goes through. But like all seasons of life, this one will pass. It’s hard to write about this in a way that is optimistic and not pity-seeking, because I really do want to believe that my dreams in this area will come true, and I’ve been blessed in so many areas of my life. My prayer moving forward is to be overwhelmed with a sense of peace.

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