Making Nigerian love matches

Making Nigerian love matches

I believe there are a number of Nigerians, based abroad, who want to marry a fellow Nigerian and are considering going “back home” to find such a person, or are trying to find a way to meet them abroad. Challenges include living in areas of the world where the concentration of Nigerians is low, being older (35+) and not being as social as one could be to facilitate meeting new people, and wanting to know the person they end up with well before committing to them, which makes the “going back home” option daunting unless one is prepared to stay for months or even a year or two.

In last night’s Periscope, I asked whether viewers felt Nigerians looking for a serious relationship (dating or courting leading to marriage) with other Nigerians needed a way to connect (if you’re not Nigerian, you can substitute your nationality if this resonates with you).

Now the first thing that often comes up is why someone might want to marry someone of a specific nationality. My response is the very Nigerian response of answering a question with a question: if people can be picky about countless other aspects of their desired spouse (religion, height range, fitness level, hair colour to name a few), can’t someone have a preferred nationality on their list? I’ve found that although many don’t specify nationality, when talking one-on-one you’ll discover that some (not all) are more attracted to certain nationalities than others #justsaying. A preference is just that, and most of us (me included) would run into the arms of someone completely different from said preference if the key things lined up (#notafool).

So, back to making Nigerian love matches! It wouldn’t be for everyone, just those who:

  • live in areas where there aren’t tons of fellow countrymen and women to connect with
  • want to date or marry a fellow Nigerian
  • are serious—like super serious—about finding love

In my favourite, longest, and most ridiculous scope a week ago, we talked about challenges that we had faced in dating. I remember back in the day there was a dating site for Nigerians but the last time I checked it was no longer online. To be honest, I’m not sure a traditional dating site is what we need; what I think we really need is for everyone who knows an awesome person who wants to be set up with a fellow Nigerian (this is key) to (with their permission, of course) sign them up somewhere as someone looking for love. I’ve suggested something like this before, and back in 2009 I tried my hand at matchmaking on this blog (who remembers that?).

Basically, I want an online version of a personal matchmaker who sets up people she knows and vouches for. My great-aunt was (unofficially) in this business for a while. She basically looked through her network for men who “came from good families” and didn’t have any known scandals attached to their names, and introduced them to the single women she knew who of course had the same qualities (this included my sister and I). My sister is now happily married (though the jury is out on whether our great-aunt gets credit for that introduction!).

I like the idea of someone vouching for a potential match, but this does not relieve the person being matched up from doing their own work to make sure the person they’ve been matched to is the real deal.

So what do you guys think? Do Nigerians abroad of a certain age, looking for love need something like I’ve mentioned, or do they just need to network more, look around their church (this is a topic for another day!), or pray harder? And seriously if you have an awesome brother in his late 30s or early 40s who’s looking for love, what harm can there be in sharing this blog post with him? I know people! ;)

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13 thoughts on “Making Nigerian love matches

  1. Girl, I hate to say it but I think that at some point, it’s time to move on to other nationalities. The number of single GOOD Nigerian men drastically dwindles with each year past 34 – not a hard fact, but my impression. It would be nice to have a network of great men and women, but I think it’s wishful thinking.

    BTW – I did my first scope!!!!!!!! Thanks to you. I like your scopes a lot. Unfortunately they’re done while I’m asleep :p

    • I so agree with you on moving on to other nationalities. From comment sections on blogs etc it seems mostly Nigerian women are bent on marrying their fellow Nigerians. Girls always talking about (see these women stealing our men )in comment sections err your men are very much okay with being stolen so shhh lol. The boys moved on to different nationalities many moons ago. It’s time the sisters tasted (this one not be only smelling ting o) the coffee and diversified. Same women will compalin about the non availability of good Nigerian men well stop complaining and go out and meet someone from elsewhere.

      • Hi Pendo!

        I’m with you re: people who talk about a certain group of women stealing their men—please if he can be “stolen” he was never yours!

        I don’t worry too much about how many decent Nigerian men are out there: first off, those seeking such only need one. I put my preference out there, and everyone has preferences that may make someone else look at them funny. If I end up with a Nigerian man, great, awesome even. If I don’t, I’m trusting it will be because I’ve found a match who was even better suited to me (and I for him).

        As I mentioned above to Berry, I’m don’t get approached often and when I do it’s by Nigerian men. What I really need to do is focus on ways to put myself out there and see who I attract.

    • Hey Berry!

      I don’t think this is a matter of “nationality X has been exhausted, let’s move to nationality Y”. I’m sharing my preference and as I mentioned in the post if someone of another nationality were to come along and we hit it off in all the key ways, I won’t “throw him back” and keep fishing because I know how long it would have taken me to find a great match. I don’t reject men of other nationalities who approach me because they don’t approach me. :)

      Congrats on your first scope! You did great and your colleagues was cute when she discovered it’s live! I usually use wifi—did your scope use a lot of data?

      You’re welcome and thanks for the kind words about my scopes—major work in progress but I’m enjoying it!

  2. Question: Don’t you worry about cultural differences? If you’re from a non-Nigerian country, no matter how “traditional” you are, you’re still not Nigerian-Nigerian and people “back home” can tell before you start speaking (based on body language) that you aren’t. In Cantonese, there’s a term for people like that. It’s called “Jooksing” (hollow bamboo). You aren’t one thing (Anglo, ethnically) or the other (Nigerian in your case, Hong Konger in mine), culturally. Some people consider it a slur, but others (like myself) see it as a cultural identity. Being someone who was raised outside of your ancestral country, wouldn’t it be a nearly as much of a cultural adjustment to marry someone who is from your ancestral homeland as it is to marry someone who was also from the country you were raised in, but a different culture? Perhaps even a BIGGER adjustment (I have often found that there are MORE cultural differences between myself and people from Hong Kong than from non-HK Canadians here in Toronto!)?

    • Hey Cynthia,

      Yup, I’ve heard that before and for sure there are cultural differences between two Nigerians (insert any other country): one born and raised in the home country and one born and raised outside of the home country or continent. That’s why I mentioned targeting Nigerians outside of Nigeria in the blog post.

      • But you also talk and emphasize “going back home,” which can be difficult for some from a cultural perspective. Some might not even consider Nigeria (or whatever country their family is from), “home,” but an “ancestral country.” One reason why I prefer “ethnicity” or “culture” as adjectives. Ethnic wise, I’m (southern) Chinese/Cantonese. Culturally, I’m Hong Kong-Canadian (and probably more Anglo-Canadian than HK)/Torontonian/City Girl. I have more in common with a woman (or man) of Indian or Middle Eastern descent who attended an old line boarding school in the UK (such as Cheltenham Ladies’ College (if female) or Eton (if male)) or a even a British aristocrat than a country girl/boy from rural China.

  3. Interesting idea.. In a past life, I found I was running more and more into Nigerians on regular online dating sites (eHarmony and Match mainly) and know of more than a handful of friends of mine of both genders who have also dabbled in…

    Wonder if there are any success stories from your earlier ‘matchmaking’ attempts?

    • Hey JDRambler!

      You’re absolutely right that Nigerians have found their way to mainstream dating sites. I actually ended up meeting a female friend on a dating site because she recognized me as a fellow Nigerian from my profile.

      No love matches as a result of the 2009 project, alas, though a couple did become friends. :)

  4. I’ve been with the nigerian father of my 4 children for 18 years and still counting. I thank God every day of my life for putting him in my life. We are very different from each other and I always believed that the difference between us is what has made us be together for so long. Being different, trying to learn and adjust into a different culture is simply great and it worked with us. I encourage people to give a chance to a decent person regardless where they come from.

    • That’s wonderful, Maria. I agree with you that one should be willing to give any decent person a chance, regardless of their nationality. It’s been easy for me to restrict myself to fellow Nigerians because those are the only group who have shown interest in the past, but who knows what the future holds!

      Best wishes to you for many more happy years with your husband; thank you for stopping by.

  5. Sigh!
    I have never had any luck with matchmaking.that is if you don’t count one guy I met via his email long ago before social media, and then dated.
    Any matchmaking Aunty or friend or pastor’s well meaning initiative on my behalf all just for some reason never worked out.

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