Making the first move…online

Have you been sneezing a lot lately? Finding it hard to breathe with all the dust around here? Forgive me and please excuse me while I dust off this blog.

For those who thought that maybe I was no longer living the single life and therefore forgot about this blog for that reason, I appreciate your optimism but that is not the case. The problem is that my time management skills are terrible.

When it comes to making the first move, I’ve always thought it was the man’s role, and that a “good” girl would wait for the man to notice her, approach her and ask her out. In my mind the woman’s role is to make it clear to the man she’s interested in that if he were to approach her, she would look favourably on him, and if she could communicate this without speaking to him first, that would be ideal (oh, did I mention I can be very shy around potential guys?). I couldn’t see myself going up to a guy at an event and starting some small talk, or asking him if he’d like to grab a coffee sometime. I’d be willing to try to give him a look that says “I won’t ignore you if you approached me”, but doing more than that is beyond me, at least in person.

But thanks to the internet, making the first move is no longer a big deal because you don’t have to worry about others watching you and critiquing what you’re doing. Making the first move as a woman online just makes sense: with dating sites full of thousands of people, it’s very possible that a really decent guy could “walk by” unnoticed by you because neither you nor him have enough hours in the day to scan profiles and find each other. When I complained to a colleague about my disappointment with the calibre of men contacting me on the dating site I’m on, she told me to take matters into my own hands and make the first move. I told her I would and I did. And shockingly, it was easy.

I did some searches for what I was looking for, and read through almost a dozen profiles before I found one that really appealed to me. His nickname looked Nigerian, so I sent him a simple message asking about the origin of his nickname. Another guy very much impressed me with the detail in his profile, so I let him know that it was refreshing to read a profile like his. In both cases I kept things lowkey. I didn’t gush, or tell them that I was expecting a reply or looking forward to hearing from them, but it felt good to make the first move and give myself some control in the jungle that is internet dating.

What about you? How do you feel about making the first move?

7 thoughts on “Making the first move…online

    • The way I look at it, with so many people in the world you sort of have to do your own part to make sure you don’t get overlooked in the marriage race. :)

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