When my friend who knows I’ve joined some dating sites asked how the whole process was going, I had to tell her the story of how I met this guy who lives only a few hours away and how he seemed to be what I was looking for (at least based on first impressions sha). She was so excited for me as I continued the story, until I got to the part about his admission that he was using his friend’s working permit to work in the country and my reaction to that, and how we went from talking regularly on the phone to not talking at all, all in the space of five days.
She was torn: she is one of the friends who thinks it’s crazy that I’m actually holding out for a Nigerian guy who’s no more than five years older than me, university educated, taller than me, etc. etc. etc. and she was shocked that I actually found a guy in this country who seemed to meet the criteria. For a moment she was on his side, and said that maybe he has his reasons for working illegally (supporting family back home, for example) but when I said “would he later have a reason for why he had to commit fraud, or cheat on me?” and she agreed that I’m better off without him.
Then today I was talking to my mom and sister and somehow we began talking about men and my mom said something about me finding a guy and I said that I could always run back into the arms of this Naija bobo who’s working here illegally and we all laughed.
I guess those two mentions of him must have made his ears ring because he messaged me today after us not speaking for a couple of weeks. I had deleted him from msn (but not blocked him) so at first I wasn’t sure who was messaging me. Anyway, we exchanged pleasantries and he was talking like he we hadn’t talked for a few minutes, not a few weeks, telling me that he had been traveling and would be traveling next week to the UK and then to Naija for a wedding. I was a bit irritated that he thought that I’d just forget that he was a lawbreaker so I asked him if he remembered why we stopped talking. He said he did and he said he was testing me and I failed the test. I had no idea what he was talking about so as we talked some more he explained himself and said that he was testing me by saying he didn’t have a working permit. He actually has one but was testing me to make sure I wasn’t one of those women who was just looking for a guy to spoil them. I failed his test.
What.ever. I have survived nearly 29 years without being spoiled by any man, I’m educated and I have a permanent job. If I want something, I’m used to getting it myself (The shoes on my feet / I’ve got it / The clothes I’m wearin / I’ve got it Independent woman I am right? lol) so this bobo shouldn’t think once he arrives in my life I’m going to suddenly going to depend on him for everything. In fact he’ll be lucky if I allow him the pleasure of spoiling me abi?
(Just so we’re clear: I would never turn down some gifts or prevent him from paying for dinner o!)
So I told him exactly that and he now understands where I’m coming from but what do you think about his so-called story that he was actually lying about not having his papers and he actually has them?
I think he needed the two weeks to come up with that story.
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