I know o. I never said only Nigerian men do this, but from your comment I think I know a bit more about what might motivate some Nigerian men to use terms of endearment (in a way that isn't sleazy).

►Beeba

I'm with you on this comment. I'm not saying all of them have nefarious intent with their use of endearments, it's just when they use it with women they don't know well enough to be using them in my mind.

►mpb

I agree.

►Azazel

But the difference is that these are your female friends. I'm talking about if a girl you didn't know 5, 10 minutes ago starts calling you her boo.

►Caramel Delight

We definitely can't blame only Naija men, but the focus this entry was on Nigerian men.

"It's just assuming familiarity that doesn't exist!" – you hit the nail on the head.

►hhls

lol at this comment! I shared it with my sister and we had to laugh because we have received these sort of comments too, and our reaction was exactly the same: how can we be thinking of them or missing them when we hardly know them!??!!

Oh well, Nigerian men also have their good points.

►ms.o

But these are people you know and are close to. In that case, there's nothing wrong with it in my opinion. It's when the person is practically a stranger!

►Adaeze

lol at your very strong response! I know what you mean though. And yes, I can't imagine calling a guy who isn't my loved one, family member or friend "dear", "sweetie", "darling" etc.

Oh, your workplace example is great. Some use the term of endearment to mask somewhat their impolite comment.

►Enkay

I'm learning that it doesn't mean anything, though at first I would take issue because I was wondering why a guy who I don't even know would feel that familiar with me already.

►Alisa N

lol you're right that it's better than those other insulting terms but did your husband call you dear and sweetie very soon after meeting?

►Nollywood Forever

Yup, I'd call it overfamiliarness myself. lol at your example from the movies.

►olufunke

Well you along with some others here have given me another perspective on the whole use of terms of endearment so early, so I do appreciate that. Again, I don't have a problem if someone I know uses these words; it's when I barely know the person that I don't feel comfortable!

And in one particular case I did let the guy know that it was too soon and he understood I think.

►Vera Ezimora

That's how I try to operate jare: if I don't feel close to you, I won't use terms of endearment. I'm far quicker to use it with women than men, because I feel like using it with men carries more of a weight. I assume men feel similarly but I guess that's not the case.

►Miss FlyHigh

I agree that some guys use terms of endearment innocently, but unfortunately it's not always the case.

I would have done as you did, and asked my boyfriend to not call other women who are not his girlfriend terms of endearment.

I'll refer to part of your post :

I asked one guy why he was calling me this or that, and he said it was a sign of respect, that he uses the same particular endearment with his sisters. That

Some guys say this like 'dear' or 'darling' because they see it as a nice way to greet u or it's even a compliment. Yes Nigerian guys do it a lot, that cannot be denied but I don't think we can just assume it is a quick way to get into ones knickers.

I have a very close friend who calls me 'chic' I asked him what it means because it sounded a little random he said it was a term to refer to a femine cute lady …

I think 'baby' is the one that I don't like, my bf calls his close female friends ' sweetie' and I told him to stop it and he did. he even calls his sister that too but I said what would you call me lol …so he stopped because I didn't like it … guys can just me slow at times..

I don't necessarily get uncomfortable when a man – Nigerian or not – uses a term of endearment for me, but I think that's because I'm fond of saying using them myself. I say, love, sweetie, darling, etc. But I'm usually careful not to use them for me that I am not VERY close to.

On that note, I think it's more normal (and expected???) for a man to use a term of endearment toward a woman he does not know well than it is for a woman to do so toward a man she does not know well. In Igbo, for example, 'Nne' is a term of endearment and it's often thrown around by everyone. If I were to meet a man today who calls me Nne, I wouldn't think too much of it. The way he says it, what he says after it, or what he says while saying it …. those are what I would pay close attention to and/or get uncomfortable with, if necessary.

This is one heck of a long comment.

I am with leggy and Enkay here.

Growing up, I remember elderly people using 'good morning my dear' or 'how are you my dear' or 'thanks darling'

I remember my dentist years ago saying things like, 'darling it wont hurt' ( just before he gives me a painful injection) and he doesn't know me.

I remember nurses/doctors male and female too do that.

I agree some men say that to get on with a lady 'very fast'. but I would like to say every one that uses those words of endearment should NOT be classed together

and if I may add, I enjoy being addressed by very nice things, and I also use terms of endearment for people I like and children especially.

If someone uses those words and you don't like it, if yo are in a situation where you can, please tel the person you don't like it. I know I tell men 'please o, I am not your darling o, don't call me that etc'

I can see what you mean though from your post. Could be irksome!