Nigerians are confident

How did you celebrate Nigeria’s 48th year of independence? Me, I put on clothing that best matched the definition of “business attire” (since I don’t like the traditional clothing I own—more on that later) and drove to an event the HC was hosting. Even as I got ready for the event, I wondered if it really mattered how I dressed since the place would only be full of people my parents’ age, my siblings, my friend, Oya and her friend, and then hundreds of young children, which is the usual with Nigerian parties here.

I was pleasantly surprised: there were actually a lot of people in their 20s, and early 30s in attendance. The program was good too (and the open bar and refreshments didn’t hurt either!). The invitation said that the event was from 6:30-8:30pm, but the party kept going for a few hours after that, and there was even a live band for part of it. If this is a sign of what is to come under the new high commissioner, I won’t complain one bit, and I won’t miss an event!

For some of the night, I observed how Nigerian men behave when faced with a lovely woman. The lovely woman in question was my friend, and I introduced her to two (male) family friends. Both guys are professionals, and perhaps that was part of it, but to me they came across as confident and pretty direct guys, which I was happy to see. One told her he had noticed her from the time she entered the room (and she told me later that she had noticed him noticing her), while the other made it clear that he wanted to dance with her, and he did. I wonder if they would have made the first move and gone up to her if they had not been introduced. Or, perhaps, they were on their way to do just that when I got in between them. Anyway, I was impressed the confident and self assured manner of the guys, and the fact that they didn’t seem to be fronting. I’m sure that they will be able to find nice women to settle down with when the time is right.

As I watched the women in the room, I noticed a confidence in them too that I lacked. These women appeared comfortable in their own skin and behaved like they felt they looked their best and were worthy of attention (in a good way). What a contrast to me! I am very self conscious and awkward around guys my age, and perhaps as a result, in social events I think guys automatically dismiss me as a potential anything other than the friend of the girl they are interested in. It’s a role I’m used to and comfortable in, but I would like to move beyond that.

Although I didn’t mind introducing my friend to guys I knew (after I got over forgetting their names—they’re twins sha, and I couldn’t remember which one was older), I gave her a “deer caught in the headlights” look at the prospect of her doing the same for me. I seriously think that step 1 to being a good Nigerian woman is to have confidence in myself or if I don’t, find a way to fake it.

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17 thoughts on “Nigerians are confident

  1. Gal you know you have the confidence…just be comfortable in your own skin…trust me it works…sometimes i close my eyes,take deep breathes and tell my self…there is only one unique ME in the whole universe…and i tell you it works…

    you must also understand that beneath all the clothing and jewelries, we all have our individual issues we are dealing with!honestly o! you'll thank God for you if you really know some of the people in that gathering!…work calleth gotta dash!

  2. So how do we go about getting you some self confidence.

    Try starting with getting God confidence.

    The amount of skills and intracies that your maker put into your creation is one major confidence builder. Like NoLimit said you are UNIQUE and there is no one like you.

    The above really helped me when I meditated on how much God invested in my creation to make me who I am 'including my imperfections'.

    Make the decision that you will be self confident and stick with it, of course there will be some low moments but you must ultimately stick with it.

  3. I agree with NoLimit and 30+. Bottom line, you've got to believe that you are great just the way you are!

  4. self confidence isn' t one that miraculously appears overnight. The first step is really being aware of it, if it needs to be faked fake it, after a while it'll come naturally.

  5. REPEAT AFTER ME…. GNG IS DAMN SEXY 5X, AND BELIEVE ME YOU'D FEEL LIKE THE SHIT. I do that to boost my ego sometimes ..and a hot numbered outfit also does the trick. And when standing next to a girl you think is finer than you……up your sexy yur charm and humor 2 notches….

    I am laughing at my self help…but every morning i look into the mirror and tell myself "i am beautiful" just right before i break into my dance moves.

  6. From my male perspective…self-confidence is more than just appearance, it is a plus tho…but often pple that rely on that dashing outfit to give them their first boost of confidence tend to falter without the outfits…U r not ur hair/ face/body/make-up/clothes/jewelry…u r that girl that lives within…I say girl b'cos Im almost 100% +ve that at some point as children we just had that burst of confidence…find that confidence and hold on to it..

  7. Nigeria is a great country and we will get there certainly..lol.

    I love your self-examination.You write-up shows you have a brilliant mindset and i think this is enough to give you your much needed self-confidence..just be yourself and accept yourself.

  8. You know sweetie…there is no one IN THE WORLD like you…any other person can only be second best..or a best counterfeit..you are special always say that to urself..

    and with confidence even if you don;t feel it..think and act confident and your feelings will follow suit.

    You go girl!!!

  9. Perception is reality. If you believe you will be dismissed-you will be, and if you have the right kind of confidence, people won't even notice the flaws that it is so easy to fret about. Start practicing confidence all by yourself. Look yourself in the mirror ever morning and comment on on the great things about yourself. I know it sounds crazy but it works!

    Stay beautiful muchacha

  10. Thank you all. I really appreciate these comments and I'm going to respond individually to you by email.

  11. This is my take, i feel after spending countless hours getting ready for an event esp one where naija females know there are going to be other naija females and dudes, of course they are going to (know) they look hot and that's where the confidence comes in. Whether they are hot or not, that's another matter but the key is that they believe they are.

    Some pple are naturally more reserved than others so u shouldn't worry too much about it. Although if someone wants to introduce a dude to u, pls just let them even if u r dying. There's something we use to say in my secondary school in naija "you use shameless to cover face" which means, regardless of what is going on, even if it is the most embarrassing thing ever, act like u don't give a shit. I guess that's y a lot of us seem to be confident cos u learn to fake it early on, until u don't have to fake it anymore.

    Did i make sense?

  12. b4 I go back and read your comments and perhaps agree with some, here is my two cents, or two kobo whatever lol

    Do you know I had NO CLUE when I was asked an impromptu question in whatever interview I was at, yet I faked it like I was the shit?? I rambled off lord knows what answer, threw in some big words and body languaged myself to an offer.

    Yeah, I apply that same attitude in social settings and sooner than later it just grew on me. Put me anywhere and I fit in…you have to start practicing Jummy. No more excuses. I bet you I'm much more insecure than you are but you can't tell from all my ramblings and picture poses can you lol!

  13. NaijaDramaQueen is who I totally agree with! Other people tend not to notice in us what we ourselves critique the most. Also, self porjection is key.

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