Have you ever gotten dressed up for an event, thinking you look absolutely killer, and feeling sorry for the other people who will be at this event (who are used to hogging the spotlight) because for once you have gotten your act together and will turn heads? Have you? Have you then gone to the event only to discover that there is someone who looks 10 times better than you (with minimal effort, it turns out), or someone approaches you and the first thing they comment on is a stain on your outfit (that you had previously not noticed)?
Well, the emotional version of this keeps happening to me when it comes to matters of the heart (a term I use loosely to include any and all encounters with all members of the opposite sex within five years of my age). Every time I think I have reached heights of being captivating, interesting and an all-around star that no other single woman has reached, silly little things happen that leave me practically gasping for breath and wondering how I could have been so wrong, so full of myself and certain of my appeal. For a few minutes I am left blinking in shock but then (later) I have to laugh at myself because it is funny the way God chooses to knock me off the pedestal I sometimes put myself on and remind me that I’m getting to be a little too much.
Want some examples? How about the situation with my sister, Tunde and I, where I thought I was the frontrunner only ha-ha, guess what? I wasn’t? Or when I’m talking to a guy and he’s saying things that make me think “GNG, you’ve reeled in yet another one with your wit and understated charm”, only to find out that he’s a)just flirty like that, b)has a girlfriend and talks to all females like that, c)likes someone else, usually a friend of mine, d)isn’t interested in a relationship that doesn’t involve a lot of horizontal activities right off the bat, e)isn’t who he said he was or f)never thought of me in that way, that I was more of boredom relief. Ah, pride, you gotta love it.
Part of the reason I find this all funny (in retrospect) is because I don’t think God is trying to tell me that I am unworthy of love, just that I shouldn’t get excited so soon and that a little humility would do me good, and I get it. I also find it funny because when it comes to appealing to the opposite sex, I don’t think I have what it takes so it’s funny that the odd time that I start thinking Hmm, maybe I do know what men want, I’m reminded that I should get my hand on a copy of Finding, Enchanting and Keeping (Until Death Do You Part), a Good Nigerian Man for Dummies, because I have a lot to learn!
(When I was talking to my Canadian cousin about what I was up to, and I told her I was writing an entry that could be summarized “Every time I think I’m hot sh!t, God says ‘Uh, get over yourself, girl!'” and really that’s all I was trying to say so sorry for the longwindedness of this.)