On thinking I’ve got it going on

Have you ever gotten dressed up for an event, thinking you look absolutely killer, and feeling sorry for the other people who will be at this event (who are used to hogging the spotlight) because for once you have gotten your act together and will turn heads? Have you? Have you then gone to the event only to discover that there is someone who looks 10 times better than you (with minimal effort, it turns out), or someone approaches you and the first thing they comment on is a stain on your outfit (that you had previously not noticed)?

Well, the emotional version of this keeps happening to me when it comes to matters of the heart (a term I use loosely to include any and all encounters with all members of the opposite sex within five years of my age). Every time I think I have reached heights of being captivating, interesting and an all-around star that no other single woman has reached, silly little things happen that leave me practically gasping for breath and wondering how I could have been so wrong, so full of myself and certain of my appeal. For a few minutes I am left blinking in shock but then (later) I have to laugh at myself because it is funny the way God chooses to knock me off the pedestal I sometimes put myself on and remind me that I’m getting to be a little too much.

Want some examples? How about the situation with my sister, Tunde and I, where I thought I was the frontrunner only ha-ha, guess what? I wasn’t? Or when I’m talking to a guy and he’s saying things that make me think “GNG, you’ve reeled in yet another one with your wit and understated charm”, only to find out that he’s a)just flirty like that, b)has a girlfriend and talks to all females like that, c)likes someone else, usually a friend of mine, d)isn’t interested in a relationship that doesn’t involve a lot of horizontal activities right off the bat, e)isn’t who he said he was or f)never thought of me in that way, that I was more of boredom relief. Ah, pride, you gotta love it.

Part of the reason I find this all funny (in retrospect) is because I don’t think God is trying to tell me that I am unworthy of love, just that I shouldn’t get excited so soon and that a little humility would do me good, and I get it. I also find it funny because when it comes to appealing to the opposite sex, I don’t think I have what it takes so it’s funny that the odd time that I start thinking Hmm, maybe I do know what men want, I’m reminded that I should get my hand on a copy of Finding, Enchanting and Keeping (Until Death Do You Part), a Good Nigerian Man for Dummies, because I have a lot to learn!

(When I was talking to my Canadian cousin about what I was up to, and I told her I was writing an entry that could be summarized “Every time I think I’m hot sh!t, God says ‘Uh, get over yourself, girl!'” and really that’s all I was trying to say so sorry for the longwindedness of this.)

23 thoughts on “On thinking I’ve got it going on

  1. GNG…Im with you on this one…although half the time I know I'm not the hit shit, I just see it as a better effort than the last time I was out. Now I wear dresses…in the last 10 years I dont think Ive owned a dress that has not swept the floor, maily cos I never really thought I had the prettiest calves, now people see me in a not so hot dress but for the fact that its something outside of jeans and a top…I look NICE!

    Not to worry though, keep up the effort, it will be yielding soon.

  2. so with you on the feeling you are the bomb and arrive, realising that you really ain't that hot. so annoying! lol!!

    one thing i've learnt is that men are overly simple (which is not necessarily a bad thing)… but it's best not to assume that you can read between their lines. if you can't help over-analysing, try keeping analysis to their long-term actions, rather than their words…. keeps u, more than them, in check.

  3. @goodnaijagirl

    I understand the dressing up part cos every lady loves to have the best at any special event. You know that girlie feeling of Princess Barbie is still in us especially at Naija parties. My goodness!!! Some people take it to the extreme. ..

    On the other hand, I think you truly are a peaceful and great person. I really don't want you feeling pathetic over guys or anything you think you lost in the chase of love. Trust me, you will definitely meet the one because I know you heading the right direction.

    Some guys love to deceive women with all their fancy yet unreal words. You will meet one that would fall hard for you and truly mean what he says. Hope you have a good Wednesday. Cheers!!!

  4. Yet another interesting post!

    I agree with YNC. Of course you'll meet the right person. Guys with fancy words are usually just THAT. And meeting the right person almost always (from my own and friends experiences) happen when you least expect it. Not to search or try too hard is the clue. Let him find you! Every girl, or most at least lol, love to dress up and look their best, I am one of them, but at the same time I don't think theres any need to consciously strive to be THEE hottest looking at the event/looking hotter than everyone else, because if the guy is there, he'll notice you regardless of the other people there, right? They all have different tastes and I've discovered they often love us all natural as well. A keeper won't be hitting you up just because you're wearing a hot dress, he'll be attracted to you on some deeper kinda level, and see your fly looks as a great bonus. It's coming!

    I can definitely relate though :-) like mizcynic said, every girl can relate.

  5. â–ºNaijababe4u

    I find it funny that when you think you're on top of the world, that's when someting will happen to bring you back down to earth.

    I think it's a total breakthrough that you can recognize that sometimes you look darn nice! Rock on with your hot self!

    â–ºkmplx

    lol annoying is the word!

    That's excellent advice. I promise blogville that I will be more circumspect when I deal with men henceforth!

    â–ºmizcynic

    What made you stop overanalyzing?

    â–ºYNC

    You are always so encouraging; thank you! Put a smile on my face with your comment.

    â–ºAdaeze

    Oh, I personally don't ever strive to be THE best looking person at an event, I was talking more about when you find a dress that makes you look better than you thought you could, you get your hair done and it looks marvelous, your makeup is on point, etc. and then you show up feeling prettier than ever and it's then that someone else manages to upstage you, the one time you felt like you looked really awesome….maybe that doesn't make sense.

    So it's not that you're necessarily someone who makes great pains all the time to upstage and outdo others, it's just that this one time everything seemed to fall into place but you got a little proud, conceited and full of your own self importance and of course you have to get your come-uppance!

    Life can be so much fun, can't it?

  6. You shouldn't read too much into what guys say at these events. Most of the time he's trying to make small talk, is genuinely complementing you but cannot pursue it further for some reason or another, is having a little fun at your expense. Just enjoy the moment, have fun. if you dig him give him a little hint. If he's really into you, he'll try to push it further.

  7. hey hon, as Miz-Cynic said every girl feels like that sometimes…and hon just take your time, love you so truly deserve will come ur way!!xoxo

  8. â–ºniceguy

    Yikes! I'm feeling misunderstood! There was no event; I didn' t get dressed up for an event and take some guy's words said in passing to mean something other than what they were.

    What I'm saying is that the situation where you feel on top of the world at a party, only to find out you aren't, is similar to instances where I have been talking to a guy for a while and think things are moving in the right direction and nothing happens.

    Just to clarify :)

    â–ºshonavixen

    Thanks lady. I feel a bit bad because this was more of a self-deprecating entry and not a "poor me" one but it's sort of turned into that.

  9. Girl, u are very honest & humorous & i like u for that!..I've also had similar experiences like that.., when i thot i had it all going on well and in control and all of a sudden…plomb!..it turns the other way….hahahaa…it is well

  10. the worst part is after getting dressed, u get to the event and someone has on ur exact outfit…….shocks!

    i am with u on the opposite sex issue…. sometimes ive asked God what great sins ive committed for me to get hurt everytime or when i think ive finally found happiness, it turns out to be the opposite. my consolation is i guess he's preparing me for that great love…….till then i'd try not to get hurt hopefully

  11. guess the "thinking you have a thing going with someone and then it all gets blown out of the water thing" happens to lots of people; not just guys or just girls; so its not neccesarily a reflection of you if he fits into one of the six categories you've identified. Chances are that most guys would fit into one of those buckets, and only a relatively small proportion of guys at any given time would be looking to go a step further.. Maybe its more a case of living prepared, cos if the people i talk to know what they are saying, the real deal doesn't appear with whistles and sirens, it typically takes time….

  12. Hello GNG!!! Nice post as usual. Shoo it reminded me of when i used to think I was the hottest chick in the area (teenage years) then realized guys didnt like gangly, they liked curves. Then in my early 20s I JUST KNEW that my awesome, unique personality was my mojo, and then I got dropped/heartbroken more than once. Yep, I have definitely received some lessons in humility in my life, so i can identify. Gotta chuckle at some life lessons.

  13. Just wanted to add my story. My most recent ex…I won't lie, i was cuter than him (at least everyone told me so..lol). We looked up our horoscope compatibility and it said I had the tendency to break his heart. I was not entirely sure of my feelings for and attraction to him but figured I would stop being shallow and give the relationship a chance at least till May 2009 when i would be relocating. Next thing the heifer came to me back then in May 08 and said he thinks we should see other people, that I am not affectionate enough for him!!!! I was like, are you freaking serious??? How could this be happening, i was supposed to be leaving him!!! He was the sure thing, the not so cute, chubby, good, sensitive guy who would eat right out of my fingers. Well needless to say I was humbled. LOL.

  14. no GNG it really does make sense, lol no worries I totally understand you :-) I've been there too. Funny how life plays tricks on you huh.

  15. I understand this post sweetie, there have been several times in the past that i've thought..yah i gorit! And alas a few days later, i know i haven't….then i fall back on my knees and cling to my father in heaven and He gives me the strength to go on and keep believing that one day i will indeed get it!

    Ps: it can be anything i want at the time!

  16. I feel you, I have been there many times

    I loose my self confidence a lot of times, feel less of myself, until after a while……God helps me know that the way people treat me is not a correct indicator of who I real am.

    I love the way you write about yourself.

    Ciao

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