On cheating (among Nigerians)

I finally read Ekene Onu’s The Mrs. Club and if you have read the book, you’ll know that infidelity is discussed in it. I have not read the In My Dreams It Was Simpler book, but I’ve heard there’s a mistress so I think it’s safe to say infidelity also shows up in that book. A recent visit to The Talkaholic revealed that the topic of unhealthy relationships (though Harry wasn’t just talking about romantic relationships) were on his mind. And every now and then, Solomon Sydelle brings us a TTTEC scenario on the topic of infidelity.

The antics of celebrities with regard to cheating has been a hot topic in the news this year, but to be honest, what happens among celebrities doesn’t concern me too much. When they’re doing good things, I like to use them as inspiration, and I’m always sad to hear of infidelity, but people who say things like “But she’s so beautiful! How could someone cheat on her?” or “Imagine: he’s with Halle Berry and still he wants to cheat?!”, annoy me. These stars are human so their star status can’t be expected to protect them from acts of betrayal that many humans deal with. (Also on my “annoying” list are people who say, upon hearing of a person who has died young: “Oh, but he was so handsome!” as if the loss is more profound because of his looks. But I digress.)

Back to infidelity. I’m curious about the idea of cheating among Nigerians. I’ve heard in a number of places, including on Verastically Speakin’ in either the chatroom, or as an offhand comment when discussing relationships, a general comment to the effect that many Nigerian men cheat. A friend of mine, fellow Yoruba girl and blogger, has mentioned to me once or twice that Nigerian men will cheat; it’s only a matter of time. Of course, Nigerian men don’t have the monopoly on infidelity (and I’m certainly not saying they do, but keep in mind that I’m Nigerian, this blog is focused on things from my Nigerianish perspective, so that’s why I’m talking about cheating by Nigerians). Men don’t only cheat with single women, so of course this means Nigerian women cheat; in fact, a recent Verastically Speakin’ cohost admitted that she cheated in the past. Anyway, Nigerian women cheating seems to be a less hotly discussed topic than Nigerian men cheating (or maybe it’s the people I talk to?).

I’m not ready to accept that cheating is practically a given in any relationship I enter into with a Nigerian man, and I’m even less prepared to accept that if there is infidelity on the part of my boyfriend and/or husband, my job is to remain in the relationship. I am so thankful that I can say that I am a forgiving person (I wasn’t always!). I used to be a grudge holder, until I realized that holding a grudge makes me feel like crap. It also helped that my dad has always been such a strong example of not letting the sun go down on one’s anger. He was often the one to extend the olive branch to me, even when he was the wronged party. The result is that if someone apologizes to me, I will tend to forgive (and even if they don’t apologize, I’ll try to move on). It doesn’t mean that the hurt won’t linger for some time after that but I make every attempt to leave the incident in the past and move forward with the person.

However, I strongly believe this “moving forward” business will fall apart when it comes to dealing with cheating. If, God forbid, a boyfriend or husband cheats on me, regardless of whether or not he asks for forgiveness, I’ll forgive him because it’s a big step in moving forward. But when I say moving forward, I mean moving forward without him! At this stage in my life, I have a hard time believing that it’s possible for someone to dabble in infidelity just once. It’s like trusting me to only eat just one skittle out of a whole bag of the candy: It. Is. Not. Possible. Better you don’t give me the bag!

I have expressed this opinion before and have been asked what I would do if I had children with my philandering husband, especially since no Nigerian man will allow me to leave him and take his children. I think the fact that I live in North America gives me some confidence about how I would make this decision work. It wouldn’t be easy and it wouldn’t be ideal, and I know I’d be called selfish by many, especially those in our community, but I guess I’m selfish enough to believe that I should be able to be married to someone who will be focused on me as his wife, his one and only, and on any children that we have together, and not look for fulfilment elsewhere.

In order to make sure that it’s well understood that cheating is a huge deal breaker for me, I always make sure that guys I’m talking to know this, well before they’ve made up their mind regarding this crazy chick that is GNG. I don’t need a man who is farting out one hundred dollar US bills, he doesn’t have to have a face (or body) that puts Taye Diggs’s to shame, he doesn’t have to be able to buy my love with expensive gifts (shebi I said a bag of skittles will make my day!). But he cannot cheat!

In addition to making sure he knows my very strong feelings on the matter, I will do my part to have a relationship that is full of communication. In loving a relationship, both parties try to do things that will please the other, so I will work hard to not let myself go, I will strive to grow with my husband (not apart), and I’ll prioritize our time together, even if that means paying for a babysitter every now and then. This doesn’t mean I think that if I don’t do these things, my man has a license to cheat, but I expect relationships to be hard work and you get from them what you put in. (But I’m not ready to do hard work if the topic at hand is infidelity! Maybe I need special prayers!)

Despite all this talk, the way some people talk about infidelity, I wonder if I’ve just been blessed to be surrounded by great examples of loving relationships, relationships that are doing what romance novels did for me as a teen (and in my 20s). Maybe I should just “smarten up” and have a contingency plan for how I will forgive a philandering husband and accept him back into my life and heart instead of planning out I will make my new life without him, but let me be frank: I’m not ready to believe that most Nigerian men cheat, and it’s my job to “deal with it”.

Am I naive?

40 thoughts on “On cheating (among Nigerians)

  1. Cheating a deal BREAKER for me as well. I always say that wit ALL the curable and UNcurable STD's out there (AIDS anyone?) cheating is not only insulting and degrading, it is also ENDANGERMENT!

    as far as Nigeria men cheating, I hate to say it, but I think it is 'almost' a given. Culturally speaking, Nigerian mena re raised to believe that males are supreme, even by their own mothers, they are put above the women and the women's dsires or wishes, so much so that even Nigerian women (more so than the Americans I know) will LET the guy cheat, just to keep him happy (I know a couple of women who are so rite now)

    and yes, women cheat too, but that a WHOLE other blog!

  2. Nigerian men cheat, period! I don't think the fact that polygamy is accepted and practiced helps either. Many women living in Nigeria do not see cheating as a reason for divorce. I have countless stories to tell of men who cheated and even brought the mistress home as a second wife (my childhood best friend's family). Let not even talk abt MY dad.

    I used to say cheating would be a deal breaker for me, but i'm not married yet so i don't know. Hopefully i never find myself in that situation, but if i do and everything else was fine in the relationship, i would be prepared to work it out. However, it all depends on the man's attitude. If he acts like it's no big deal and i have even the slightest reason to believe he would continue to cheat, then i am prepared to call it quits. Besides the emotional effects of cheating, there are also the health risks involved. Countless women hv been given STD's by cheating husbands.

    I don't believe all Nigerian men cheat by the way. I think most of them do. I try not to worry too much about it, but hope and pray that i chose the right person for me.

  3. this is going to be long and not very coherent.

    Most Naija men will cheat because society has taught them that they have every right to. Most Nigerian women will sit down and take it because they have been taught that Nigerian men have a right to cheat. The best most women will do is go after every girlfriend and basically put the fear of God in every woman that might be interested in her husband, but you can't watch your husband all the time nor should you have to. The worst, they look the other way while their husband brings home STD's and children. Being in Naija has pretty killed any naivete I had about relationships in Naija, being coupled up or married is no deterrent to cheating, AT ALL. That being said I will not stay with a man that cheats on me, if I did our lives would be miserable, I'd cheat too and where would that get us? I'd divorce his lying cheating ass, this is part of the reason I'm not worried that divorce rates are going up in Naija, women are less willing to accept the status quo. Hopefully in another 50 years or so, Nigerian men will learn to keep it in their pants, somehow I doubt it though.

  4. While i try to state my opinion, I do not cheat and I pray i would NEVER cheat in any relationship. The fact that some Nigerian Men cheat makes me think that Nigerian women also cheat cos the men need someone to help them in cheating.

    Cheating removes trust in any relationship, it a sign of unfaithfulness on the cheaters part and it could also have some health risks too.

    Moving Forward might not be that easy. Just pray it does not happen. Pray for a faithful partner and do your best.

    I'm Nigerian Man. I do not cheat and would never cheat. so help me God.

  5. I don't know if all Nigerian men cheat but I have heard stories about some cheating. Same with all other men, you hear the stories more often than say from a white perspective. I continuously yo yo between leaving the man and taking him for his last dime and staying with him to work it out. I guess I will never know until I am married. Like I have said before I take marriage so seriously and am a commitment phobe anyway that if I were to marry that person would have convinced me to do something I feared which would show how much I loved them. So if they cheated I don't know how I would take that being that in love with them. Ex boyfies in the past could of cheated and I would have left without batting an eyelid because I never thought they were the one. However what if you do come across the one man who you really truly feel like you can't live without and he cheats? It really must be either you love him so much you stay or your heart breaks so much you have to leave.

  6. I agree with everyone else – Nigerian men cheat because the society says it's okay for them to cheat. "After all, they are men". And women accept it because their mothers and grandmothers also accepted it, and we have been told that as long as he pays school fees and gives you chop money, you should be grateful and not complain. Do you think for a minute that if a Nigerian man caught his wife cheating he would say he's going to try and work it out with her? PLEASE. Let's not kid ourselves. She would be branded a whore and thrown out of the house. But when a Nigerian man cheats, wives say oh well I will try to work it out. And then they wonder why he continues to cheat. Obviously cheating is a deal breaker for me. I had a boyfriend that cheated. The day I found out was the last day I spoke to him. It's really that simple for me. Although in all fairness, I suppose marriage and children can make things more complicated.

  7. Ha! Coincidence innit, that we wrote about similar topics. Unfortunately, I do believe most nigerian men cheat but I believe that when I eventually settle mine won't cheat(lol, by God's grace). It's a sad, sad situation but men are cheating more nowadays because they know they can get away with it and even if they are not forgiven, there are how many more women waiting to snatch them up. I believe the situation in naija is worse because most of these women are dependent on their men financially, so if they leave where and what are they going to?

  8. lol @: 1..I don’t need a man who is farting out one hundred dollar US bills! muhahahaha

    2. “Oh, but he was so handsome!” as if the loss is more profound because of his looks…tew funny

    Not all Naija men cheat and not all men cheat…at least mine won't!

    Great ideas for stopping your man from cheating you have there…but…it isn't about that…a man that will cheat will cheat regardless of what you do.Your job is to open your eyes wide before marriage to ensure you're not married to such a man.

    Some men have no scruples and lack principles and even the ones that have principles have a price…it's only a matter of time before they fall into a jezebel's hand(some men I said).

    Don't concentrate on what you'll do if he cheats…that's like concluding already that he will…what if it is you and not him?

    I still stand by my words…not all men cheat…all men get tempted to cheat but not all men cheat…quote me anywhere please!

    May God help us make the right choice. Amin

  9. But he cannot cheat!

    thats what i got from

    your whole text

    and i totally agree

    i wont tolerate it.

    but i also agree that men in general have been lead to believe that cheating is a norm

    i have colleagues that are married that chase me, or ask me on advice to chase another girl

    when i confront them, they asked me if they are supoosed to sleep with one woman their entire lifes

    did i here you say WHAT!!!!!

    dats what i said


    its an issue oh

    a really big issue

  10. I agree with those who say that Nigerian men have been brought up to believe it is their right to have more than one woman.

    I mean…Fela Kuti anyone?

    Even my mother, as wonderful and ambitious and amazing and modern thinking as she is, just shrugs when she sees these celebrity men cheating and is like "Why do these women make a fuss? They should keep it in private. Shebi, he's still paying the bills? Ah ah, what is their problem?" o.O

    But for me, it's definitely a deal breaker. I would like to think that if it ever came to it, I would have the strength to walk away – A man who cheats does not respect you, your emotional well being, your life (e.g. children if you have any) and most of all, your health. Basically, he's poison.

    No wonder AIDS is so rife in Africa, if we're so laissez-faire about sexual immorality.

  11. Hmmmm.

    Nice topical topic :)

    Let me say I consider myself naive in these matters and I don't go around snooping for this sort of gist but growing older has helped me realise that cheating is a lot more common than I believed before now.

    I'm married to a man that does not cheat and by the special grace of God will not cheat. Its nothing I did or do that I know for sure. As I write I know some noses will be turned up at this little miss ignorant….but something thats made me write this (and not anonymously) is I believe that if the world is rife with stories about cheating, the stories of non-cheaters should also be proudly paraded.

    Yesterday night or early this morning I woke up and my hubby wasn't in bed, he was in the sitting room and he was making a call. I just turned back and went back to bed and it suddenly flashed across my mind that I was not afraid or worried about who he was speaking to at that hour. I smiled because I knew it wasn't another woman.

    I read about Adesua Onyenokwe (did i spell that right) on another blog and in the post , she said she had never had cause to worry about her husband cheating because he never did – they've been married more than 20 years. The conclusions of the author of that post (if i remember well) was the fact that Mr. Onyenokwe had told his wife that he would not cheat not because there were no temptations but because he had purposed in his heart not to violate his vows. It was a decision he made of his own violition.

    Men and women have to of their own come to that position where they can say (WITH GOD's HELP) that they would hold fast to their vows.

    This I call 'commitment'. Extending this concept to a marriage where trust has been violated, i have no sermons but as for me it'll be the same 'commitment' to making my marriage work. Not because its been drummed into me by anyone (it has not) but because I've seen marriages that have weathered the storms of infidelity and come out stronger and more beautiful. Marriages that have lasted for decades and endured despite the pain and heartbreak. Marriage is more than the good times and definitely bigger than the bad times (including cheating).

    I am not glossing over the consequences of cheating – unwanted STD's, unplanned children, heartbreak, distrust but that will be my decision (God forbidding it happens) and not one i'll tell anyone to make.

    May God grant you a man whose heart is steadfast and who will be fully satisfied with YOU!!! Its possible!

  12. I know guys cheat. I know women cheat too. I don't believe that all Nigerian men cheat. The day I knew it was a serious problem was the day my married cousin came up to me in a family wedding and pestered me all day long for my friend's number AND HIS WIFE WAS RIGHT THERE!!!! My heart broke that day oh. You have too go into marriage with your eyes wide open.

  13. Most men cheat…but not ALL..i refuse to accept the fact that its ok or God forbid normal for a man to cheat…or that he should be forgiven…because well he is a man

  14. Please, not all nigerian men cheat. I have uncles, who have been married for years and they have never cheated on thier wives. Cheating is a no no for me, this is something that should be discuss before taking a big leap with someone. I dont believe in forgive and forget . I believe in forgive and move on. I will NEVER stay with a man who cheat. Sorry, I have work too had for that crap.

  15. Women cheat too.. my husband was cheated on by a previous girlfriend before he met me. That was something that hurt him alot and it is a deal breaker for him as well..

  16. I think part of the reason naij men cheat is cos its expected of them! I dont believe ALL naij men cheat/must cheat, I mean so there's not even ONE that's "good" among them? LOL. I've been called naive by a woman married for about 20 yrs for thinking that way. I remember being so sad when I heard of an old school mate that had only been married for about 2 yrs(she's like 22-with a kid) who was being cheated on by her husband. I was downcast (LOL) and people in naij were amazed at my reaction! It was like "what's new? are you a baby?" LOL. My husband can not and will not cheat!!! Why can't my marriage be an exception to the general practice? I know someone who lost both parents to AIDS. Men in naij are treated like gods by women (read mothers, wives, girlfriends esp) so they feel its OK to cheat cos they know they wont be crucified for it and that just sucks big time!

  17. Interesting egbon!

    I'd like to first agree with Aunty Nolimit that you should not be planning on what to do. I mean through out reading this it sounded like you had concluded he would cheat! God forbid bad thing! You will get a husband that does not cheat I pray.

    Anyways I don't agree that all Naija men cheat ..mine doesn't :D hehehe and to be honest women cheat too. From what I see and hear a lot of naija women cheat. A LOT!

    Men are more open about their cheating than women are.

    Also make sure that you would never cheat yourself. It's easy to say you can't or you wouldn't but when you get into a relationship that's when the test will come.

    Have a lovely week : ) xx

  18. Everyone cheats. Whether it is d man or the woman… thing is how do you deal with it when it happens? Do you hold on, or do you walk away? Holding on means he or she may cheat again…letting go may mean walking away from the best thing that might have happened to you…

    If there is one thing I have learnt, it is that God has all the answers and if anyone finds them self in a position where a partner cheats and the person needs to make a decision, prayer will solve it… It might sound cliché but that is the best solution I can think of

  19. I have to say that not all Nigerian men cheat. My dad is an example, my parents have been married for almost 30years and I can say proudky that my dad has been the epitome of honesty in the marriage. I thank God for such a blessing as a dad who is grounded in God's word because it has made me believe that there are good men out there. I have been in a couple of relationships where I have been cheated on, the first time I forgave him but then later on, I told myself that I deserved better and left. Don't get me wrong, I get tempted too but when i am, I run as fast as my legs will carry me!!! I am a christian and I now that cheating is not God's will/plan for us. I can and will NOT settle for a man that cheats, I pray that God will bless me with such a man someday but till then, I will just watch and pray!

  20. Hear hear! Nuff said on the issue. I have always had pretty strong feelings bout cheating myself, mostly because i have seen it destroy relationships and hearts and especially women (in the end) My mom is an example. But you struck a chord with the contingency plan thingy. That's where i'm at now, not wanting to deal with a cheating spouse but still having an open mind (God help me, did that come out right?). Anyways GNG i have learnt also that cheating is not the worst thing that can happen to a relationship. Trust me.

  21. Hear hear! Nuff said on the issue. I have always had pretty strong feelings bout cheating myself, mostly because i have seen it destroy relationships and hearts and especially women (in the end) My mom is an example. But you struck a chord with the contingency plan thingy. That's where i'm at now, not wanting to deal with a cheating spouse but still having an open mind (God help me, did that come out right?). Anyways GNG i have learnt also that cheating is not the worst thing that can happen to a relationship. Trust me.

  22. A lot of Nigerian men do cheat but that's because a lot of Nigerian women put up with it which I actually find it sickning.

    There is a big problem here and its so sad. I know plenty of women within the West African community whose husbands have cheated and had children outside of the marriage and they still stick with the man. These men have made it obviously clear they no longer want to be married but their wives continue to remain there with them.

    I think its a generational thing because the women I'm referring to are age 45 and up.

    Nowadays for those under the age of 40, we are more educated and more aware of STD's and although not ideal we are more prepared to raise children on our own and not willing to put up with a cheating man to prove to people that we have a husband.

    My conviction is, you cheat on me and we are through. I refuse for any man to bring any STD to me. If I wanted one I would go and get one. And obviously I don't want one.

    In Jesus name, I pray I never have to deal with a cheating man ever.

  23. Just to add to my previous comment, someone above said that everyone cheats-both men and women.

    I for one have never cheated on an ex boyfriend, when I am unhappy I voice my dissatisfaction and either the issue is address or I leave.

    I think cowards cheat, I have never cheated and never will. People cheat because they are so selfish and fail to see how their actions affect other people.

  24. My thing is keep your eyes WIDE OPEN! Cheating isn't naiveté will help so OPEN eye and leave all that love thing to the side because that is one way to live in la la land. Most Nigerian men will cheat in a marriage. It makes you wonder if yours will?? One will never know these things

  25. GNG you are not naive at all!

    I agree with a lot of your comments. Cheating for me = relationship over. Period. Yes we may stay together for the kids, but OUR relationship would be dead. It would take A LOT of work and prayer to get the marriage back to what it was. In marriage when you cheat you are also choosing to cheat against God too. Yes one can forgive as the bible calls us to, but trust will be broken forever!

    As children of God, we are not infallible, however we have been shown God's blue print for marriage, so we should by God's grace have a better change of success. But again this does not mean that Christians will not cheat , we are all humans, we all sin and it is sad when this happens.

    I think the majority of good men {and women} realise how much they will lose, should they ever break their marriage covenant and won't ever try it. If you truly love someone, I don't believe you will cheat on them.

    Besides to go from 0-60, i.e. full blown cheating does not happen instantly, it starts with small steps and its those small steps you need to look out for and protect your marriage against.

    e.g. not spending lots of time with members of the opposite sex, not discussing your marriage problems with members of the opposite sex {or anyone other than your Pastors/counsellors for that matter}, don't have a work husband/wife at work etc.

    To say all Nigerian men are cheaters is completely rubbish. It's like saying all black people live in the hood and sell drugs. It's totally ridiculous and we should stop saying it. We need to encourage and support our men. Let's speak positively into their lives.

    There are many wonderful relationships which I have witnessed but good marriages do not happen over night. You need to work at it and work at it daily.

    Keeping the romance alive, spending time with one another, praying together and for each other are all things that will go far in protecting and building your marriage.

  26. lol @: 1..I don’t need a man who is farting out one hundred dollar US bills!!!

    Yet to meet a Nigeria guy that does not cheat and never cheated…Looking to see if there are any out there…but I believe I can maeke a decision to decide to make a life with a cheating man or not.

  27. hhmm dicey topic..

    it may be true that most nigerian men (and every other man or woman) cheat but i see it from this angle- cheating like any other sin is an act of the flesh. It takes supernatural power not to cheat..cuz the natural man is inclined to cheat. The God factor is very key.

    However men fall sometimes even with God in the picture….so i keep praying for my hubby that God will help him and even when/if temptation comes his way he will overcome. I also try on my part to be the best wife I can be..so i like your approach on doing your own part

    sorry i am sounding all spiritual and incoherent but that is how i see it

  28. oh yes i am with Toyin, Nolimit and Andrea on this..they have said what i wanted to say…(just reading the comments now)

    and i forgot to add that I trust my hubby 100%.

    Not all men cheat!

  29. I just **smh**when people generalize based on their own experience….Been a wonderful relationship with my fiancé for like ever…and each day i bless the name of the lord for his life.I couldnt have asked for anything better..,

    If u pray and prepare yourself for a cheating husband…U wud get nothing short of dat.

  30. Well, after all has been said, cheating simply cannot be excused. However, more often than not, we relate cheating to just the physical, me think emotional cheating is even much worse.

    Relationships are risks we should be daring to take and go all the way. Someone once said (& rightly too) that when one is in a relationship, one should put ALL one's eggs in one (the) basket 'cos, any egg not put in WILL certainly be fertilised by someone else.

  31. I totally agree with your last line, it would be unfair to think or say that all Naija men are cheaters. I do not believe that . Naija or not, most men cheat but not all. Also, women cheat too so we have to be careful. For me, I don't think infidelity on it's own is a deal breaker me, there are worse things that can kill a relationship for me.

  32. You cant expect marriages and relationships to be seamless; youre sadly mistaken. There will be mistakes.

    If one party cheats, its like a child who has done wrong you cant just disown that child. You always have to believe that this person can change.

    Thats why love has to be unconditional…however not to the point you look like a fool. So the short answer to the question is 'if it happens once shame on you if it happens twice shame on me..'

    everyone deserves a chance to amend their wrongs; who knows it can make the relationship have more depth.

  33. Wow! That is shocking that it's a given that most (many?) will cheat!!

    That is a total deal breaker and my dear hubby knows full well that if he decides to cheat, he may as well just pack up a suitcase and take it with him to the chicks house…cause he isn't coming home. I also tell him that he gets the kids…how's that for motivation?? He knows he'd never make it as a single dad. LOL!! ;)

  34. I'm with you, GNG: cheating is not acceptable. I tend to hold the same viewpoint too, that if he cheat's it's over. Realistically speaking though, I know it would have a lot to do with the circumstance. But instead of focusing on that, I like to believe that I won't have to go through that. I pray for my future husband often, asking God to make him the man he needs to be as He makes me the woman I need to be. I like Proverbs 23:7: As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Call me naive, but I believe that God will bless me with a marriage where the good will outweigh the bad, and I actively pray against many bad circumstances that could happen, including this one. I didn't say that I think it will be so easy…But I feel it necessary to hold faith for a good and faithful husband, especially knowing that the opposite seems to be accepted as the norm. And like Jesus said in Matthew 29:9 – According to my faith be it unto me. Amen!

  35. I believe that the majority of Nigerian men cheat. The culture allows it, the same way the culture allows women single or not to be sleeping with married men and feel no ways about it. I think all this cheating is rooted in the material. As long as someone is showering you with money then that seems to be the main thing. I have heard this from more than one person.

  36. wow. what a hot topic.

    Not all nigerian men cheat…but unlike in the west, in Nigeria cheating by married men is not frowned upon. Sad but true. Now when it comes to married women cheating, that is another story.

  37. hmmmm…interesting piece here.

    While i agree that many men (and women) do cheat, I beg to refute the assertion that "Nigerian men will cheat; it’s only a matter of time"…na, na, na…NOT ALL Nigerian men will cheat…Mine for eg. will never…not because he doesn't come across prettier/sexier women, but because he has vowed (God helping him of course) never to…

  38. I am not Nigerian, but I am Caribbean, not the same world/men but this is also a common issue in the Caribbean. There are islands in the Caribbean that were specifically for the BREEDING of slaves. Men with this ancestry were never taught the meaning of a long standing committed relationship. Regardless of which, some of them do KNOW that once they are married or invest their time in a committed relationship, they should stay. But they do stray, for whatever the reason. However, the issue of cheating for me is a financial and sexual concern/stance. I am a liberal at heart. I believe if he wants to cheat, that’s on him. I can do whatever I please as well. I will not stay in a sexual relationship with more than ONE person (husband’s mistress). God forbid he gives me an STD. I am not ugly. I am not fat. I have money/job. I have options– just like him. If he can find someone ELSE, so will I. Forget God; forget vows. Those are not in place when a man’s or woman’s eyes wanders. I will never be a victim, or held hostage to another man’s whimsical desires.

  39. I see i am late to the discussion..and while i could possibly write an epistle here, i will only just say this..Not all Nigerian men cheat. it is , i would say a big and may i add, hasty generalisation to say that all Nigerian men cheat.

    while i know that some or perhaps most parents bring up their boy to feel that this is acceptable, i have seen a great no of parents who neither expect adultery nor teach their kids to take it as a normal part of a relationship.

    i, for one, grew up differently..you may call me naive but i expected to get and did indeed get an honest man. i guess at the end of the day, one might truly get what one expects..

    and like someone else said, so many men do not cheat and they do not deserve to be lumped with the rest of the brood.

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