Update on the facebook guy: We spoke on the phone, he asked me what my genotype was and said that since he’s AS he absolutely cannot marry an AS (I don’t know my genotype yet). I asked his age; he’s 39 (I’m almost 31) so that was a turn off for me. I gave him temporary access to my facebook page so that he could see pictures of me and after that we spoke and he said he liked the pictures (though I bet he thought I was too fat!). We stopped talking after that conversation; I don’t think there was enough interest on either side to get to know each other better.
When I was a guest host on Verastically Speakin’ (topic: women who are single and in their 30s), a caller asked if the women guest hosting would consider going home to find a husband.
I answered yes, because you can find good Nigerian men everywhere in the world and you’d expect there to be a higher concentration in Nigeria! Some people are concerned that I’ll fall into the hands of a guy who’ll know how to say all the right things in order to find his way here, only to dump me for a
slimmer and younger model once he gets his papers sorted. It’s unfortunate that people have to worry about being duped in this way but that’s the reality for many who are so desperate to leave Nigeria that they don’t see marrying for papers (without informing the person they are marrying) as wrong.
Since I don’t see myself planning a trip to Nigeria to hunt for a man (ask me again in five years!), the way I can see this happening is a long distance “getting to know each other” which leads to a relationship. So what would happen is a person who has been vetted by a trusted friend or family member would be introduced to me online or by phone. Then, as we talk, I’d be observant and make sure everything he says adds up, and I wouldn’t be afraid to call him out if he’s not making sense. I’d ask him tough questions, and risk offending him by asking outright if he’s talking to me for papers (though he probably wouldn’t say yes even if that was the case!). Then I’d apologize if he’s offended by my question. (Speaking from experience!)
After that, we’d make plans to meet (likely in Nigeria) and based on how that meeting goes we’ll decide if we’ll be an official couple, which will mean that one of us will need to find a way to spend longer than a week or two in the same country as the other. I could see myself taking a few months off from work (without pay) to really get to know the person if things are going well.
And then, if all goes well, cue the introduction and/or engagement in Nigeria, followed by the White Wedding in Canada. Done and done.
If you live outside of Nigeria, would you consider going home to find a significant other? Why or why not?