On marriage

One of the blogs I regularly visit is CAKIES, and Rubyellen, who runs the blog, shared a beautiful letter for her sister who got married this past weekend (I bolded the parts of the letter that grabbed me the most):

Today, you are getting married. Enjoy it. Don’t worry about that extra fluff that makes weddings look pretty. That is what it really is, just fluff. Those things don’t make a marriage. I have seen God’s grace and goodness in your life as I think about where God has brought you. You are here not because of anything you have done, but only because of what God has done. Don’t find your joy in finally being married because if you do, you will be greatly disappointed. Don’t find your joy in Christian, because if you do, you will also be greatly disappointed. Marriage is fun, but it is also hard. Be prepared to work. Don’t rely on feelings because feelings will fluctuate and you won’t always feel like loving your husband. Love God. Above all else, always love God. Trust God. Enjoy God. Your life won’t be better now because you are married. Your life will only be better if you love God more each day. Loving God will make marriage even more wonderful. God is the key.

These words are a great reminder for those of us who can’t wait to be married. I’ll be 33 years old in June and I feel like I’ve waited long enough to marry and have children but guess what? Once I’m married I’ll have moments where I’ll wonder why I was in such a rush to be married, where I’ll forget that I actually wanted to be married and wanted a husband. This letter reminds me to enjoy this time as a single lady instead of impatiently waiting for it to be behind me. Of course I’m also reminded to wait for God’s perfect time for love to find me.

I often think about the love I have to give my future husband, but how often do I think about the love that I should have for God? (Answer: not as often as I think about hubby-loving!) I forget to trust God regularly. I get my priorities mixed up and I’ve got to stop giving God the leftovers of me and instead seek him first. This is so hard to do in this world!

For me the most striking part of the letter is where Rubyellen says that only loving God will make your life better. I know life will be hard even after I get married but I often think that when I get married I’ll be more at peace because I’ll be on the path to have my happy ever after and everything else (kids) will be able to fall into place. I do think that marrying a man that I know is meant for me will bring a lot to my life, but Rubyellen has reminded me that any happiness or sense of “Yes! I’ve achieved this next stage of life!” will pass once I attain it. If I don’t have God in my life those feelings of inadequacy, failure, or constantly striving to reach something that feels out of my reach will overwhelm me, unless I have God in my life, refining me.

I thank Rubyellen for her post and the lessons it contains, and I encourage you to visit her blog and look at the gorgeous pictures that accompany the letter.

2 thoughts on “On marriage

  1. so true me too i got married at 33 therei was thinking i was getting married late but i am glad it didnt happen a day sooner
    i have live d my life and now that i have settled i believe it was the right time i have no regrets rather i pity those who married too early to understand life
    marriage has its up and downs and trust me is actually for the mature minded not too say wisdom comes with age but it helps i was a late bloomer baby of the house to have married sooner for me would have been bondage bcos i always got my way.
    in marriage that is just so impossible
    the man has to put his foot down and in some cases u have to comply so that peace will reign
    had i done it sooner i would have been fighting everyday cos i wont understand that this is what makes him feel like a man

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