The approach of my 30th birthday has made me (even) more aware of the disparity between where I thought I’d be relationship-wise by 30 and where I actually am.
For anyone who is dealing with waiting for something they thought would be a piece of cake—admittance into a program of study, a job, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a wife or husband, a child, a promotion—all I can say is hang in there and keep hope alive. I think a lot of women especially may have heard or been told that they should hurry up and get hooked up before they reach the age of 30 because it all starts going downhill from there, where “it” means everything from looks to the ability to easily conceive and carry children as you really get into your 30s.
I read the book He’s Just Not That Into You recently (a fun book that tells you all the stuff you already know but don’t mind hearing again because a reminder is always good). For example, if a guy isn’t asking you out, calling (or emailing you as the case may be, *ahem*) or wanting to sleep with you (even if you have vowed celibacy, he better be having a hard time not jumping your bones!), he’s just not that into you. Sure, he may be sort of into you, and think you’re a great girl but if he’s content not defining things with you, the guy is not into you jare: move on to someone who will be into you! Anyway, near the end of the book, the female author talks about how there aren’t enough good men out there, that statistics are not very encouraging to the average woman (especially in her 30s) looking for a good man who won’t do any of the things that the book has spent one hundred or so pages pointing out as wrong. I love the response of the male author:
Being lonely, being alone, for many people, sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that, yes, my true belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honour the person you are, is worse.
The statistics are bleak. But don’t use statistics to keep you down or keep your frightened. You can’t do anything with these statistics except scare yourself and your girlfriends. So I say, “Fuck statistics.” It’s your life—how dare you not have faith in it!
I love that bit I bolded (the book cursed sha, not me) because it’s so true: this is your life we’re talking about, how dare you not believe in it and do what you can to give your life the outcome you seek. How dare you decide it’s not important enough to pray about, to insist on! Needless to say, I have heard and I am convinced. Nothing is going to get me down (for long) about my situation. I believe.
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