Online dating frustrations

Single and in your late 20s or older? I bet someone has suggested that you try online dating. You know it’s getting serious when your parents suggest online dating too! I remember the times where my talking online to strangers (on forums) was not something my parents were at all comfortable with.

For the past few years I have joined dating websites on and off. I put up a picture that is flattering and true representation of what I look like at the time (very important to do if you’re plus sized), write a profile that reflects me accurately and tells others what I am looking for, and I wait.

One dating site I’ve tried is geared toward meeting Nigerians. In that profile I selected that I am seeking a (Nigerian) guy who is between the ages of 29 and 35 who lives in Canada. I don’t think I have been contacted by a single guy under the age of 40 who lives in North America, talk less Canada.

It got to the point that I got sick of sending apologetic messages to 40-something and 50-something year old men so I added it to my profile in bold that I am seeking men within a particular age range, and I won’t respond to men who are outside of the range. Do you think that reduced the number of men over 40 messaging me? Not at all! At least I can delete their messages without guilt now…they were warned.

So this makes me wonder: do people read profiles anymore, or do they just see a (flattering?) picture and decide to contact the person? Is it worth taking the time to craft a profile, only to have a guy message me and ask a question that is answered in my profile that would have taken him 45 seconds to read? Do I want the guy who is so impatient that he can’t take the time to thoughtfully consider someone’s profile as a boyfriend?

Another thing I noticed is that not many men take the time to fill out their profile. They fill in the bare minimium – a nickname, their age, the age range of the women they are seeking but questions such as what qualities they are looking for go unanswered, as do sections on what they enjoy doing, what they look for in a partner, and things like that. Many don’t bother to proofread either, which make their profiles seem like they were put together by someone who doesn’t really care about making a good impression and pays no attention to detail. Can this guy metapmorphize into a suitable mate or would that just be wishful thinking?

Am I the online trying online dating without success? What frustrations have you run into?

7 thoughts on “Online dating frustrations

  1. A friend of mine signed me up for an online dating website earlier this year (I really wonder what on earth she was thinking sha). I don’t think I even got one guy o! Online dating has never been my thing because I always feel odd if a man knows I am actually looking…Its old fashion but I still like to play hard to get…who knows maybe that is why I am still single..

    This post has reminded me that i need to track that website and delete my profile.

    Loving this site!

  2. I’ve never tried it but a friend was pushing me to create a profile and i said no ma’am!
    Online dating is not for me..I’ve seen so many friends (including her) who had been lied to and were disappointed when they met the person…

  3. A friend of mine has tried it…well Facebook dating LOL. It appears that it may work out! My advice is just to be open minded and careful in whatever one does.

  4. I think that it works for some people, however the most important thing is to know what type of person you are. If you know that online dating is really not your thing, chances are that when u try it u will just confirm what you already know. Check out my blog to see my online dating story

  5. Girl, I have read all your articles, but this one got me leaving a reply. Personally, I don’t do online dating or even blind dates, am not saying anything is wrong with it. I applaud men and women who participate in it, but its not just meant for me. Ok, this is not all about me, back to the matter at hand… I know for certain that most of the men responding to you read your profile and know what you looking for, but sending you messages could mean they are hoping they could be an exception to the criteria(age criteria). Probably them being bold I guess. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I certainly don’t give insights about myself on my social network pages. I like to give little, and let them imagine the rest. You should try that on your page! I am really impressed about your blog, I keep a journal, but am not the type to post it online. So I get excited when I see women like myself blogging! Keep it up!!

  6. hey, this is a lovely blog dear….keep it up. I can now see all of us have same problems in this world (looking for the love of our lives). It can be found everywhere as long as you are open, believe and want it for real.

    I am a guy (25yrs of age), grew up in Nigeria, studied in Nigeria and now doing a masters in University of Helsinki in Finland.
    It is very tough to date a girl in Nigeria (for young guys like us) because we were not yet money making machines but were seeking a future. I guess i did understand them cos Nigeria is a tough place to survive in, so girls always try to use their comparative advantage to easily get what they want (still a fight for survival uuuhhh……) but as they grow older, they start looking for those of us again with the reason that we are really the better people to be with in the long run (irony).

    But in this blog, i am now seeing sweet girls who are very ready for real love and not for materialistic love and to my greatest suprise looking for Nigerian guys……i love that girls, that’s very good of you all, trying to marry from your roots.

    But just a piece of advice for you all, because for real Nigeria is not united, there is a huge division and bias according to tribe. Try to know from which tribe you come from and seek for men from same tribe because it holds a promise for a greater possibility of a long lasting relationship (..this is according to my experiences in Nigeria…) and also be very careful cos most men out there (just as girls also) have different motives…….

    But i suggest you redesign this blog to accommodate membership with pictures or better still create a facebook link and direct people from here to that link. That will help……

    Hey, ladies…..success to your love search….hahahahahah…..we guys are in same biz too (believe me).

  7. I think the difficulty u face is due to d fact that well… The few naija men who look for a woman online are either yahoo boys/in search of a green card or waaaaay old/married and looking for nookie.

    Its cuz if ur an eligible young naija man with some form of education etc…the women just flock to u. Its not even a struggle. Unfair…but true.

    So if u want to continue online dating…maybe u shld open it up to non nigerian men.

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