Online dating: just like dating in the real world

I’ve decided to leave the online dating world for a while. I’ve deactivated my profiles but not deleted them entirely because I’m fickle and I’m sure I’ll be back. My reasons for leaving are simple: I haven’t met anyone in my age range who was decent and who wanted to get to know me. My profile is friendly, I have pictures up that don’t scare young children, I come across as well spoken and funny (I think) yet only men old enough to be my father express interest, and to be honest, after the 25th man in his 40s or 50s sends you a virtual rose, while the guys your age check out your profile and keep stepping, you really have to evaluate if this is good for your self esteem. My conclusion was that it is not.

Deep down I know that one reason for my lack of success is that I am not physically what guys are looking for in a girlfriend or spouse (read: I’m fat! Not chubby or chunky but plain fat!). The simple solution is to change this aspect of myself, especially since it’s something I don’t like about myself, but it’s not easy. I know it’s possible but it seems also impossible. Maybe I should see if I qualify for gastric bypass surgery ;)

(I hate pain too much to ever consider voluntary surgery o!)

I’m glad I posted pictures though, and was honest about what I look like because the last thing I would want is to develop feelings for someone and vice versa, only to have them fizzle when we meet in person due to lack of physical attraction. This is why I’m such a strong advocate of posting honest (and most important, recent) pictures of yourself on dating sites. No one wants a nasty surprise.

(And since I’m feeling so bloody miserable (ok, now I’m just being dramatic) the least you could do is click on this entry, then click one of of the appropriate links. Maybe winning a new template would cheer me up!)

8 thoughts on “Online dating: just like dating in the real world

  1. "I am not physically what guys are looking for in a girlfriend or spouse"
    That is sooooooo not true.
    U might not be a size 6, but ul be surprised there r guys who want women with some serious skin.
    Not encouraging you to put on more weight oh. Just saying you should love yourself. Dress to kill, make your hair, get ur nails done, wear make-up and put a smile on your face.
    Be happy with you and carry urslf with grace. in no time you'll be in d arms of your prince.

  2. You need to stop with the "lack of physical attractiveness" crap. You're hot. That's the only reason I talk to you. :O) Furthermore, you are hypnotized with the North American definition of hotness… rather the North American media's definition of hotness. You're not thin… so what? Thin does not equal good-looking by a long shot. You are a beautiful girl. Period. The rest of us have figured it out. When will you?

    Annnnnnnd, I have quit dating sites for the same reasons as you. Basically only 51 year olds and over contact me. For some it works, but for some, it's a complete waste of time. Maybe sometime in the future I will be forced to go back. But as of now, no. I'm glad we're quitters together.

  3. Agree 110% with Oluwadee. We all come in different shapes and sizes and men love women in different shapes and sizes. Not only skinny women are married you know. Just have confidence in yourself and like Oluwadee said "Dress to kill, make your hair, get ur nails done, wear make-up and put a smile on your face".
    Feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you too.

  4. Girl i so feel you on this. I gained some weight in recent years and my lack of a boyfriend sometimes makes me think i have to hit the gym. i would love to be a size 2 but i know it ain't going to happen!! i have come to realise that i have to flaunt what i have! I know someone out there would love me the way i am so why mop about it? My friend recently underwent the bypass. she was almost 300 and now six months later she is at 150. she looks great and i am indeed happy for her. sometimes i think she went the easy way out but losing all that weight came with a price! the bill-around 20,000. the explaining to people at dinner why she can't have more than a couple of teaspoons of food..etc. I think you should do you. explore all options and if you are going to lose the weight do it for you! health wise it is important to maintain a good weight..diabetes, hypertension is knocking at the door if one is not careful particularly due to our african heritage. don't feel down, bring out the best in you! don't let your weight cover up the good person that i know you are..

  5. hey sweetheart, u r terribly honest and that is good. but just so u know, guys are different. there r the ones who like the fleshy woman, but u said urself, that u dont like ur size. so if u aint comfortable with ur person, it's going to affect ur self esteem. please, dont do surgery. please. good dieting will help, exercising will help. it's all about dedication and knowing what u r doing to get to a destination. and believe me, love will find u anywhere, whether online, or not. u will be surprised. just keep ur fingers crossed.

  6. Well, I met my wife online and we are married now, six (6) years, online dating is simply another medium of the modern world, of-course we have the even ones clicking around your profile every seconds, but also in real life is about the same, so whichever medium you choose, just pray to God to choose your husband as your husband, not your boyfriend, also for the guys, your wife as your wife not your girlfriend. …. check this site out anyway, I hope I will not be kicked out: http://www.naijainlove.com/

  7. i agree with uzezi..
    honest self appraisal is good but not always accurate.
    ur motivation to make a lifestyle change shud be ur health and ur own well being.

    start by treating urself kindly.

  8. Uzezi is so right!

    Different people are attracted to different body types. I think your biggest hindrance is how you feel about your body… and that comes through in your associations with others. Get to a point where you love you, and you could be any size and the person who would love you the way you are would be attracted to you without having to deal with the negative vibes you may be giving off.

    Like someone already said, don't ignore your looks, use make-up appropriately, dress appropriately for your current body even as you work toward your goal. You'd be surprised how the right undies, clothes AND color combinations can make a huge difference.

    No surgery abeg. You can invest a fraction of that into getting a nutritionist's consultation and getting a personalized weight loss & exercise plan.

    I wish you the best my dear!

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