Love and Learn – Don’t compromise on how you want to be treated

I apologize if you’ve had difficulty accessing this site in the past few days: the hosting company I had switched to is not working out so I’m trying to move but I can’t get a clean backup of my site to move! Success is imminent though. If you missed the last Love and Learn about not ignoring signs in a relationship it’s waiting for you. The more I hear from people about their relationships, the more certain I am that there are always signs telling us whether we should pursue a relationship or end it, but sometimes we ignore those signs because we don’t want to take action. Signs don’t always mean a relationship is doomed: sometimes a sign is a wake-up call to do things differently, and once you do everything’s fine. A good friend admitted she ignored her now-husband’s interest in her initially because she knew deep down … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Don’t ignore signs in a relationship

Today’s Love and Learn lesson: Pay attention to signs in a relationship, and figure out what they are telling you before it’s too late. It’s simple in theory but difficult in practice because love (or even deep intense crushes) is blind (or at least a little visually impaired!). When you’re in love you give the object of your affection the benefit of the doubt. You’re often able to see the charm and cuteness in ordinary things that might annoy you later in the relationship. This is the magic of the haze of love (or deep crush). Sometimes it’s only when you look at the situation with the 20/20 vision of hindsight that you see how things really are. 20/20 hindsight? The ability to give a situation that has passed an objective look and come to conclusions you couldn’t reach while in the situation is 20/20 hindsight. It is not an … Continue reading

Love and Learn – God-given roles in the relationship

Men like to pursue women, and they like to lead (well, most of the time). The bible designates the man as the head of the household; this is his God-given role in the relationship. However, the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding puts things in perspective: if the man is the head, the woman is the neck, and she can direct the head anywhere she wants to! A smart woman will realize that she can wield quite a lot of control as the “neck” of the relationship (but she must always be careful to use her power for good, not evil; if she strives to be a Proverbs 31 (verses 10-31) woman she will be just perfect!). Who wouldn’t want to be respectfully pursued by an appropriate fellow? Looking back on the few examples where I was approached by a guy I found interesting, I noticed that I probably made … Continue reading

Thankful Thursday – protection and celebration

I thank God for protecting my mom and sister during their three weeks’ stay in Nigeria (they returned this past Monday). I’m thankful that their health was not compromised during the trip; things can change so quickly so I don’t take any of this for granted! I’m also thankful that the four of us who remained in Canada are all fine too (the only mishap I’m aware of is partial flooding of part of my parents’ house, but that is being taken care of). My dad celebrated his birthday yesterday and I’m thankful that he reached another milestone. He’s an incredible man and even though our relationship isn’t perfect, I’m glad he’s my dad. I’m so thankful my friend and her husband were not injured in the car accident they were in last week (hit by a careless driver). The car was totaled but their lives were spared. They just … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Introduction

I’m starting a new series called Love and Learn, to share lessons I’ve learned as a single woman searching for love. I’ve talked about seeking a good Nigerian man from the start and four years later I’m still searching! I’ve tried online dating (both a site geared toward Nigerians and a general site), and I’ve been set up by my mom’s aunt, my great-aunt, who seems to have a never-ending stream of bachelors to throw at me. So far I haven’t been successful (if you define success as getting to the altar like I do), but I’ve learned a few things and Love and Learn is how I’ll share them! If you’re a single person going through these same things or if you’re on the married side of the fence, but can remember what it was like “back in the day”, then I hope you’ll chime in. How I came … Continue reading

Tricky Yoruba names abroad

I’ve talked about Yoruba names that make it hard to live abroad before but it’s been almost four years and there are more names to add to the list. From my earlier list, Bimbo is definitely the most challenging name because of the negative meaning behind the word bimbo , at least in North America, but I’d love to hear how the Bimbos in the house handle this. I know one who goes by his full name (Abimbola); maybe some shorten it to Bim? More Yoruba names that cause confusion or mispronunciation outside of Nigeria. Funke This is misprounced as funky or funk (silent e). I guess it’s not a bad thing for someone to think you’re funky, but if they think you’re in a funk, that’s not so cool. Joke This is the name of one of my favourite cousins but obviously North Americans reading it will think it’s … Continue reading