Why can’t Mr. Right find us?

I finished reading this book on finding a man last week or the week before, Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You (thrifty Naija woman that I am, I have borrowed this book from the library). This is another practical book about why Mr. Right might be having trouble finding you, but I feel like it speaks more to the oyinbo woman. I keep trying to recall whether I’ve seen Naija men hanging out in any of the following places mentioned in this book: art galleries, pubs, libraries or bookstores, and the answer is no. Granted, I don’t go to art galleries that regularly, or pubs even (I prefer somewhere where I can dance), but I do visit bookstores and libraries quite regularly. To give Naija men some credit, perhaps they visit these places at other times or go to locations on the other side of town (my side of town … Continue reading

The men I never dated – I met him at a Nigerian party

How sad that my series on the men I never dated is coming to an end. Today’s story is fairly short, but it’s unique because this was the first guy who met me in person first (no online stuff first) and seemed interested in getting to know me (perhaps ‘seemed’ is the operative word here). Back in 2004, I was a member of Curves, this fitness centre (this was no gym) where you’d go in and use their series of machines for 30 minutes every other day and they guaranteed that you could lose weight by doing this circuit three days a week. Curves was located close enough to my home that I would walk there and back. The walks became a good time to be on my own and just chill. I liked the ease of the workout, and the fact that it was for women only. After a … Continue reading

Shady men and their secret wives

I am somewhat harsh towards Nigerian men who live in Nigeria, particularly if they answer an ad that I have on an online dating site because I have specifically mentioned that I’m looking to meet someone that I can meet in person sooner rather than later. Other reasons I’d be leery of becoming emotionally attached to someone before meeting them is that you may end up with a conman who sees you as an easy ticket into a different country. Not all Nigerian or African men are like this, but some are. And it is not always easy to know the intentions of someone when you only speak online, or even on the phone. Or even if you meet them in person. My sister once dated a guy from Ghana who was good looking, could carry on a good conversation and was left handed (lefties make me weak in the … Continue reading

Living at home

I’m single, I live in the same city as my parents and so I live at home. I’m nearly 29. Does this make me weird? Some of my oyinbo friends think so, because the one thing they were looking forward to once they left school and joined the working force was moving into an apartment and exerting their independence. The thought of living with a bunch of slobs (I hear they’re called “roommates”) who could potentially steal your food, go through your personal things and turn the other roomies against you sounds like a stupid idea to me, yet many of my friends rushed out of their parents’ houses to do just this. They moved from a house with a decent sized room for them into a place with a room half the size and this is considered a step up in life. No thanks, not for me. Granted, perhaps … Continue reading

The men I never dated – back in the days of msn chat (Part II)

Thanks for coming back! Here’s Part II of the story started here: Obi continued to call and we had some good conversations. He was thinking of moving to my city after school was finished and he was coming down to look at apartments a few months later, in April, and we agreed to meet up for a date then. Since I was in school, the time flew by for me, and the fact that we talked almost every day made it seem like he was around. Finally it was time for him to visit. I had an exam coming up on the Monday but the boy took precedence: I couldn’t study and I spent a lot of time calling my friends and consulting my sister for what I should wear for our date. He called when he arrived in town and we arranged a date and time to meet. He … Continue reading

Body issues

So, let’s talk about our bodies. I’m generalizing again, but I know a lot of Nigerian women who are proud of their bodies: big or small, stick thin with no breasts or voluptuous with gravity-defying cleavage, I have talked to women who like their bodies. How have I determined that they like their bodies? Well, they dress in ways that highlight their (best) features, they spend a lot of time doing things to ensure their body looks its best, from getting their hair “did”, keeping the eyebrows groomed, refusing to leave the house without makeup, dressing in clothing that is sharp…you get the idea. And then there’s me: I dress like a 40 year old woman whose primary goal is to hover in the background and who wears clothing because she lives in a country where the cold will kill you if you don’t dress for it. My criteria for … Continue reading