The men I never dated – back in the days of msn chat (Part II)

Thanks for coming back! Here’s Part II of the story started here: Obi continued to call and we had some good conversations. He was thinking of moving to my city after school was finished and he was coming down to look at apartments a few months later, in April, and we agreed to meet up for a date then. Since I was in school, the time flew by for me, and the fact that we talked almost every day made it seem like he was around. Finally it was time for him to visit. I had an exam coming up on the Monday but the boy took precedence: I couldn’t study and I spent a lot of time calling my friends and consulting my sister for what I should wear for our date. He called when he arrived in town and we arranged a date and time to meet. He … Continue reading

Body issues

So, let’s talk about our bodies. I’m generalizing again, but I know a lot of Nigerian women who are proud of their bodies: big or small, stick thin with no breasts or voluptuous with gravity-defying cleavage, I have talked to women who like their bodies. How have I determined that they like their bodies? Well, they dress in ways that highlight their (best) features, they spend a lot of time doing things to ensure their body looks its best, from getting their hair “did”, keeping the eyebrows groomed, refusing to leave the house without makeup, dressing in clothing that is sharp…you get the idea. And then there’s me: I dress like a 40 year old woman whose primary goal is to hover in the background and who wears clothing because she lives in a country where the cold will kill you if you don’t dress for it. My criteria for … Continue reading

Still single six days later

If you go back to this entry, you’ll see that there’s a picture of a gold heart on the cover of the book. If you’re at all curious about what the heart says, it says that all readers of the book get a free seven day trial with Match.com, a dating site. The author of the book actually met her husband on match.com during a seven day trial so it can happen. Sadly it didn’t happen for me: my seven days would have been up tomorrow but cheap (let’s say thrifty) Naija woman that I am, I didn’t want to risk my credit card being charged so I canceled one day early. But don’t despair, I actually did meet someone!

The men I never dated – back in the days of msn chat (Part I)

Ah, msn chat. Back in the early 2000s, msn had chat rooms, and these chat rooms were set up in a way that you could talk to people who lived in the same city as you. There were a few different chat rooms for each city, and I got into the habit of visiting them with the hope of making new friends. I was new to the internet and never thought I’d use it to talk to people I didn’t know (I know, how naive was I???). I somehow ended up talking to an Ibo guy, Chinonzo, who lived in my city. As he talked about where he was going to school and what he was doing, something strange happened: it turned out that earlier that week…it might have even been that very day, I had talked to him on the phone at work! You see, I was working part … Continue reading

Asa – a new musical discovery (to me)

I may be the last one to discover this artist but I recommend you check out Asa. Your first stop should be her website (original link removed because it’s no longer working), then you should see if she’ll be performing in your city anytime soon. Asa sings in both Yoruba and English, and I really wish my understanding of Yoruba was better. One day. On her site you can listen to part of each song on her debut album. If you’d like to hear a couple of her songs in their entirety, here you go: Ok, let’s having a sharing time: are there any Nigerian artists that I must check out?

A book to reinforce the decision to wait

Here’s something I’ve thought about once or twice: when I finally enter the dating game (you’d think that at age 28.5 I’d be a seasoned veteran, right?), I’d have to figure out how to tell a boyfriend that I don’t intend to “put out” until I’m married. I dread this conversation and I dread having to deal with a stream of men running for their lives the instant they hear that I will not be having sex with them after three dates, three weeks or three months. Or longer. I agree that if a guy leaves me over that, then he’s not worth it anyway and I’ll be glad I got away from him without getting my heart (or body parts) too involved. And if I was having any doubts, a book that I’m reading reinforced my decision to wait before having sex and answered some questions I had. I … Continue reading