A book to reinforce the decision to wait

Here’s something I’ve thought about once or twice: when I finally enter the dating game (you’d think that at age 28.5 I’d be a seasoned veteran, right?), I’d have to figure out how to tell a boyfriend that I don’t intend to “put out” until I’m married. I dread this conversation and I dread having to deal with a stream of men running for their lives the instant they hear that I will not be having sex with them after three dates, three weeks or three months. Or longer. I agree that if a guy leaves me over that, then he’s not worth it anyway and I’ll be glad I got away from him without getting my heart (or body parts) too involved. And if I was having any doubts, a book that I’m reading reinforced my decision to wait before having sex and answered some questions I had. I … Continue reading

Finding love is not easy

I joined a dating site that caters to Africans and the men and women who like them not too long ago and so far I have been approached by men that do not meet the criteria that I have set out about nationality (Nigerian), religion (Christian) and age (28-33). I don’t like to be rude so when somebody who does not meet any of the criteria sends me a message, the first thing I say is to thank them for their interest and tell them that I am looking for different criteria at this time. Most of the men try to convince me that an age difference of 9-15 years is not a big deal, or that the fact that he lives in [insert European or African country] and I live in Canada will not be a problem. To that I say: please. I am sick of meeting guys who … Continue reading

Naija wedding music?

My command of Yoruba is very rough, however I understand enough of some songs to want them played at my wedding. The songs I can’t seem to get enough of right now are Oruka by Sunny Nneji and Mase by Styl-Plus. Here they are: This would be a great song to dance to with your loved one during the reception. I only heard it played at one of the four Naija weddings I attended so maybe the song has been overplayed so much that it should be avoided. Although the gist of this song is the guy is telling his girl not to listen to those people who are talking behind his back and sort of discrediting him, but rather to believe in their love, I can’t get enough of it, and it works for a wedding, right? Especially if you’re marrying a man or woman that your family and … Continue reading

The men I never dated – the one with the same last name

Think about it: if you get married in your late 20s or early 30s or beyond, and decide to change your name, you’ll be getting rid of a name that you have been used to saying, filling out and signing for over two decades! You could decide to keep your surname but how many Naija women do that? When a google search for my surname resulted in me finding Niyi, I assumed he was a relative. My surname is rare enough that I had never heard of or met another one in North America or even in Nigeria for that matter, so I was pretty sure this guy had to be a relative. He emailed back, and after we emailed each other about where our families were from, he said he had heard of us but that we weren’t related. And somehow we moved from exchanging emails to talking on … Continue reading

Stereotypes: oyinbo versus naija men

Tell me that I’m not the only one with preconceived notions about Naija (or more generally African) men versus their oyinbo counterparts! White guys are more malleable and are often not as strong, personality wise. They tend to fear conflict and are more likely to go along with your plans rather than disagree, because the latter could lead to a strong minded Naija woman insulting him for his views, or raising her voice and yelling due to her passion on the subject being discussed. What am I basing these conclusions on? My male oyinbo friends. They readily admit to not liking conflict, and don’t seem to be picky about things, while I can be very picky about where I want to go for dinner, or what movie I want to see. My married oyinbo male friends are married to women who for lack of a better word are in charge: … Continue reading

Clarification about Nigerian girls

A friend of mine commented on my entry about “bad” and good Nigerian girls and she asked a good question: what am I basing my judgment on? First off, I am using the idea of what makes someone “good” or “bad” somewhat tongue-in-cheek. How convenient that I seem to have the qualities of the good Nigerian girl while qualities that I don’t have get put in the “bad” category! What I know of the “bad” Nigerian women is exactly what I’ve said. I only see them at social events and what I see is the dressing that seems to lowcut (tops or dresses) and highcut (skirts or dresses) to me, and they generally have on far too much makeup. I hear the loud voices and have made the assumption that the reason for it is the desire to attract attention. I myself am loud when I’m with friends, and perhaps … Continue reading