The men I never dated – the one with the same last name

Think about it: if you get married in your late 20s or early 30s or beyond, and decide to change your name, you’ll be getting rid of a name that you have been used to saying, filling out and signing for over two decades! You could decide to keep your surname but how many Naija women do that? When a google search for my surname resulted in me finding Niyi, I assumed he was a relative. My surname is rare enough that I had never heard of or met another one in North America or even in Nigeria for that matter, so I was pretty sure this guy had to be a relative. He emailed back, and after we emailed each other about where our families were from, he said he had heard of us but that we weren’t related. And somehow we moved from exchanging emails to talking on … Continue reading

Stereotypes: oyinbo versus naija men

Tell me that I’m not the only one with preconceived notions about Naija (or more generally African) men versus their oyinbo counterparts! White guys are more malleable and are often not as strong, personality wise. They tend to fear conflict and are more likely to go along with your plans rather than disagree, because the latter could lead to a strong minded Naija woman insulting him for his views, or raising her voice and yelling due to her passion on the subject being discussed. What am I basing these conclusions on? My male oyinbo friends. They readily admit to not liking conflict, and don’t seem to be picky about things, while I can be very picky about where I want to go for dinner, or what movie I want to see. My married oyinbo male friends are married to women who for lack of a better word are in charge: … Continue reading

Clarification about Nigerian girls

A friend of mine commented on my entry about “bad” and good Nigerian girls and she asked a good question: what am I basing my judgment on? First off, I am using the idea of what makes someone “good” or “bad” somewhat tongue-in-cheek. How convenient that I seem to have the qualities of the good Nigerian girl while qualities that I don’t have get put in the “bad” category! What I know of the “bad” Nigerian women is exactly what I’ve said. I only see them at social events and what I see is the dressing that seems to lowcut (tops or dresses) and highcut (skirts or dresses) to me, and they generally have on far too much makeup. I hear the loud voices and have made the assumption that the reason for it is the desire to attract attention. I myself am loud when I’m with friends, and perhaps … Continue reading

Good Nigerian girls and sex

I don’t know what the average age is in North America for a girl or woman to lose her virginity, but I suspect that there are some Nigerian women who are doing their part to keep that average up. I grew up in a Christian household. My mom did have the occasional conversation with me about sex but basically she was repeating information that my sister and I had already absorbed from those around us and from church: premarital sex is a sin. Your virginity is something precious that should be saved for the right man (his name is Your Husband). When it comes to big things like sex, drugs and alcohol, I’m about as obedient as they get and take no chances, so it’s no surprise that I feel like I’m on my way to being the female version of the 40 Year Old Virgin. That said, I don’t … Continue reading

Naija (Nigerian) weddings

Before last year, I had never been to a Nigerian wedding and last year I attended four celebrations, three involving Nigerian women that I knew and one was the son of a Naija woman I knew. Here are some things I learned about Nigerian weddings (Yoruba in particular): The chances of a Nigerian who has been living in North America for many years marrying a fellow Nigerian are slim Granted, my sample size is very small but of the four couples that got married, only one bride and groom were both Nigerian. The male Nigerian married a girl who was half Lebanese, and the two other girls married men from South America and the Caribbean. I can understand why this is the case: although our city has a number of Nigerians, the density is not so high that your chances of meeting a fellow Nigerian exceed your chance of meeting … Continue reading

The men I never dated – it started with the blog

Ok, this guy was an Ibo man and we met because of blogging. He was new to my city and I guess he was googling something about Nigerian parties and my blog (not this one) popped up. He left a comment, we moved to exchanging emails, talking on the phone and eventually we met. Then he dropped the bomb: he had a girlfriend. I was so crushed because this guy was pretty damn perfect in my eyes: he was taller than I, he was quite North Americanized, he was smart (huge turn on to me). He was actually too smart and in retrospect I bet he thought I was the dumbest girl around. Our relationship never moved past friendship, although many times I prayed that he would get rid of his girlfriend and realize the treasure he hung out with occasionally. He was a sweet guy and my first massage … Continue reading