Reading for the single life

Still reading? You deserve big kudos. I will blame the Nigerian Blog Awards for my absence from this site. Updating that site and fielding requests for blogs to be added to the list of Nigerian bloggers is time consuming, not to mention the facebook and twitter publicity that is required. But enough about that…how are all the single ladies doing?

Some of you might no longer be single; if so, hurray (well, as long as the guy is decent and worthy of your time. Getting coupled up with a guy for the sake of being hooked up is not something to celebrate in my opinion.)!

I can’t remember how I came across the book but I bought Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred a number of months ago and started reading it this week. I’ll be doing a guest post on a blog about the book so I better read faster. It’s interesting: when I was reading Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough (which I loved and recommend to everyone I discuss the topic of finding a good man with), I couldn’t read the book fast enough, but now that I’m reading this book that is going to make me really think hard on some elements of my walk with God, I’m reading a lot slower and it’s easier to get distracted by things other than the book. Things that challenge me and change me often have that effect on me.

Two entries ago, mpb asked if I would date a guy with baggage such as a divorce or kids under his belt.

I am currently saying no to divorcés and single fathers and it’s easy to do this when you’re doing the online dating thing as I was doing. Most men with kids will mention it in their profiles, which I appreciate. One such guy contacted me and when I told him I wasn’t interested he asked why. When I told him it was because he had a child, he was understanding but like many of my friends who see me as picky, he thought I should give him a chance.

Divorcés can be harder to spot and even if the guy does not have any children from the previous marriage, I think it’s important for him to share that he has been married before. It will be important to know what he feels caused the divorce because divorce, like marriage, takes two people and if I’m going to date and possibly marry a guy who’s done it before, I want to make sure that our relationship won’t be a repeat of his last one.

However, if someone introduced me to a great guy and we got to talking and for whatever reason (and it can’t be because he purposely left it out) I don’t know that he’s a divorcé or a dad (or both!) and I fall for him, I’d give him a chance. However, nobody is introducing me to guys so that’s a scenario I probably won’t ever experience.

Right now I’m praying that the man I fall in love with will have no children and will have never been married. I like that because it makes things less complicated: no ex-wife or custody battles to deal with. However, that doesn’t mean that my childless, never been married man won’t have baggage of another kind. I mean I’ve never been married and have no children and I have plenty of issues that I deal with!

Would you consider a guy with kids or a divorce in his past?

Do you know of any good books besides the two I mentioned that single women should get their hands on?

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3 thoughts on “Reading for the single life

  1. Nice update GNG! Life has twists and turns that only God knows about, time will tell is my answer to your first question. Your second question, ill have to do some research, my reading in the relationship/marriage dept is seriously lacking but I hope I pick up the tempo! All the best.

  2. I honestly would consider a father and a someone whose been married before.
    my number one reason being if it were me and God forbid i happened to be a single mom or a divorce, I would want some one else to consider me.
    and everyone deserves a second chance:)

  3. ok i am one of the quiet readers of your blog… followed you from good naija girl to all my single ladies.. We are almost in the same boat… or at least we are navigating the same waters… i.e. single, black, educated , nigerian and yoruba(am guessing) I admire your honesty about your quest to join the ‘ringed’ women out there. I can relate to some of your experiences about praying, and i can see the ‘aunty hook-ups’ are already rearing their curious heads in my own case… however, i somehow have to disagree with dating divorcees or guys with kids…
    Everyone deserves a second chance and just because someone messed up at the first stage of their live doesnt mean they are not entitled to redemption. You never know who will bless you , it can be a divorcee who was silly at first or someone who had a rough ride at the beginning of his life… just saying you have to cast your fishnet wide, but dont be stupid enough to go for any fish in the ocean… All the best to You and Me Xx

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