Run your own race when seeking love

The singles conference I attended at RCCG a week ago was similar to last year’s event: not many older people and no division of the attendees by age group. This year they divided us by sex and each group had a pastor of the opposite sex share a mini sermon with them. Our pastor encouraged us women to position ourselves physically (by doing good works with a pure heart) and spiritually (through prayer); this part resonated with me and he used some good analogies. We had an initial brainstorming session about what men want in women—I think we women know what men want, but I would have liked to hear from the men on how well our answers matched their own response and vice versa.

I intend to share some feedback about the event with the organizers. The woman who organizes the event with her husband are good people who are really trying to help singles in the city connect with God and with each other. It’ll probably be hard for me to muster up anticipation and the “Anything could happen!” hopefulness that I had last week for future events but maybe that’s when God will surprise me! I haven’t totally lost my sense of hopefulness but let me tell you: it comes and goes.

Most of my friends are married and: trying to get pregnant, pregnant with their first child, pregnant with their second child, or are parenting two or three children. I have friends who’ve been married for anywhere from a year to 11 years, and they’re all my age or younger. My head knows we each have our own race to run and that it’s not a competition, but it’s easy to forget this and sometimes I wonder how I’ll ever “catch up”. As my friends’ families increase, it seems they have more to talk about when we meet up while I only have the same things, which makes it seem like less because I don’t have an expanding family.

A woman on a Facebook group I’m on posted something that I’ve found really encouraging (when I remember to think of it instead of quietly freaking out in my head): she reminded readers of the parable of the workers in the vineyard, where regardless of when in the day the workers started, they were all paid the same wage. The lesson was that God can “catch us up” to our peers if that’s His will for us. Just because it took a friend five years to find someone, date them, marry them, and have children, doesn’t mean God can’t make that happen for you within 1.5 years (hello, multiple births!). Trust God for your breakthrough, don’t use other people’s situation as your yardstick.

If you find yourself impatiently single like I sometimes do, wondering if you’ll find someone before you have to seriously consider freezing your eggs, don’t give up! Your feelings are normal, no one is positive 100% of the time. That being said, feed your mind with positive things (I like to listen to music with a great beat and an even better message; currently I can’t get enough of Lara George’s A New Day), rationalize the negative thoughts that occur, and keep moving forward with personal goals that you have control over. And pray (I need to do more of this) because God can do what seems impossible.

How do you (or did you) deal with waiting a long time for something you really want (or wanted)?

7 thoughts on “Run your own race when seeking love

  1. I am curious as to would you consider having a child on your own if you never married? whether through artificial insemination or adoption.

  2. I agree with Marriage Request.. Let me share this testimony given by Pastor Sola David-Borha of RCCG City of David.. She’s also one of the most powerful women in the banking industry in Nigeria and the MD/CEO of Stanbic IBTC group in Nigeria…
    The LORD is never indebted to anyone. Peter gave up his boat for The Lord to preach inside. (Luke 5: 1-7)

    I remember a time in Freedom Hall when Rev. Joe Olaiya came to preach. There was a problem with the accommodation that was arranged for him. I happened to be around and told Pastor Tony and Pastor Eskor that he could stay in my home; I would move out and stay with my Mum. He later told me that he noticed that there was no mirror in my bathroom and that I will soon get one because my husband will need to shave. After then, I met and married my husband the following year at the age of 36 years.

    It is important to be relevant in God’s plan. Once you are, He becomes interested in your affairs; He heals, delivers and empowers you to fulfill your part in His master plan. (1 Peter 5:10)
    ~Pastor Sola David-Borha

    She’s married today with children and if you saw her, you would never know that she had to wait plus God has blessed her with the beauty of youth! :-)

    Please, never underestimate the power of God.. He owns and dictates time.. He can (and will) make yours refreshing, brand new… worth it! xxxxx

  3. Have you ever considered dating a non Nigerian? I feel like for a long time I was waiting on my Nigerian prince to come and sweep me of my feet but it never happened. Thankfully God opened up my eyes to other options and the rest is history!

  4. GNG, I pray the right person who will bring you joy and happiness, peace of mind, love and of course lots of pampering will come your way soonest.

    Keep trusting God and when it (his arrival ) does happen because it sure will, you’ll tell a good story about the past.

    Start thinking about your wedding and all of that. #faith

  5. The waiting period is not always easy. Not giving up on God and being open to options (without compromise) is key like @amy mentioned. God will surprise you

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