I am somewhat harsh towards Nigerian men who live in Nigeria, particularly if they answer an ad that I have on an online dating site because I have specifically mentioned that I’m looking to meet someone that I can meet in person sooner rather than later. Other reasons I’d be leery of becoming emotionally attached to someone before meeting them is that you may end up with a conman who sees you as an easy ticket into a different country. Not all Nigerian or African men are like this, but some are. And it is not always easy to know the intentions of someone when you only speak online, or even on the phone. Or even if you meet them in person.
My sister once dated a guy from Ghana who was good looking, could carry on a good conversation and was left handed (lefties make me weak in the knees). The only problem with him was that he was always having to go to a city about 5 hours away almost every weekend, “to hang out with friends”. He would cancel events with my sister at the last minute or just not show up and explain that he had had to go out of town to that other city. Finally, my sister decided that she deserved something better than what she was getting from this man so while they were on a date she told him that she’d like to end things with him. He tried to convince her otherwise but once he realized her mind was made up, he told her that he had something to confess.
He was married, but it was a marriage of convenience, so that he could stay in the country. The way he told my sister wasn’t to rub it in her face; he said he felt bad that he hadn’t told her sooner.
I was shocked and so was my sister, but it also explained those constant trips to the other city (he was going to school in our city).
Why couldn’t he have finished this deal or whatever that he had with this other woman before courting another woman? Imagine if my sister had fallen for this guy, decided to become intimate and then gotten pregnant (God forbid and thank God that my sister is not like that). This man would not have been available to marry her and support the hypothetical child in any way but monetarily (if at all).
Sure, you can be wary of the men who live abroad, who might be toying with your heart for their own benefit, but there are men right in your face who might not be giving you the full gist of their situation, and a smart woman will be cautious as she gets to know the man. Sadly, just because the man professes to be a firm believer in God doesn’t mean that he’s not up to some questionable activities.
This leads to two questions:
- If you started dating a man and he told you that he had been married before for this reason (business arrangement to stay in the country, yada yada but was now divorced) would this affect how you feel about the guy?
- Would you consider entering into a marriage of convenience with a guy who seemed truly decent and if it was revealed that this is the only way he could stay in the country?