Tell me that I’m not the only one with preconceived notions about Naija (or more generally African) men versus their oyinbo counterparts! White guys are more malleable and are often not as strong, personality wise. They tend to fear conflict and are more likely to go along with your plans rather than disagree, because the latter could lead to a strong minded Naija woman insulting him for his views, or raising her voice and yelling due to her passion on the subject being discussed.
What am I basing these conclusions on? My male oyinbo friends. They readily admit to not liking conflict, and don’t seem to be picky about things, while I can be very picky about where I want to go for dinner, or what movie I want to see. My married oyinbo male friends are married to women who for lack of a better word are in charge: they get what they want, and even when their husbands try to be strong, eventually they come around to doing what their woman wants. One of my female oyinbo friends even tries to make it sound like it’s her husband’s idea but I think she knows deep down that he’s just going along with her idea.
(To be fair, I’m sure there are oyinbo men who are strong minded and not afraid to get into a fight if needed, but they are few and far between in my life, let me tell you!)
I’ve always said that I don’t want to marry a man who doesn’t know his mind. I want a guy who has a strong character and knows what he wants and won’t go along with me just to keep the peace, especially if he thinks there’s a strong chance that I’m wrong. I want someone who’s not afraid to argue with me, and try to persuade me to see things his way. But will a Naija man do that or just frustrate me?
Most of the Naija men I’ve met have personalities that are almost too strong, and ideas that refuse to be changed or influenced by their girlfriend or wife. They are (generally) a tiny bit arrogant and are so sure they are always right, and in some ways, that cockiness is cute. Some men, however, go that extra distance, to that place that actually believes that the woman is beneath him and is not an intellectual equal, so anything she says is insignificant. I could not deal with that, yet I don’t want a guy who says yes to me all the time either. What is a girl to do?
Just pray that God sends me the right person to balance out my idiosyncrasies, I guess.