Love and Learn revisited

Some of you might remember the Love and Learn series that I launched last year. It was inspired by my failed relationship, one that really affected me because 1) it was my first serious relationship and 2) I was so sure it would lead to marriage (how naive I was!). I was so excited about things that I had started a brand new blog that I shared with just a few people, detailing the progression of the relationship. I was smitten! But it turned out that although I had learned those lessons several months back, I need a refresher: while I was in Nigeria I wanted to see my ex and have the opportunity to ask him some questions. Yes friends, I wanted closure. The desire for closure is funny because intellectually I know there’s no answer that will actually give me closure. Let’s say in the best-case scenario, your … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Conclusion

I hope you’ve enjoyed the Love and Learn series! There are other shorter tidbits to share, but these are best worked into future entries. Here’s a summary of the lessons I learned from my first serious relationship, which I’ve been sharing with you over the past few weeks. I hope these will be helpful to you. I will put God first because that is the key for everything to work. This means I’ll pray for a partner like I mean it and not just because I’ve been told that I should pray for what I want. Before falling head over heels in love I’ll take new relationships to God and be receptive to any signs that I may receive, even though I don’t think I’m good at seeing these signs. When I’m in a relationship I’ll encourage conversations and actions that show that we prioritize God. I will look for … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Put God first (always!)

Edited to add: Sorry that this post came out later than usual. As mentioned on twitter I made a rookie WordPress error: I wrote the entry and set the date and time it was supposed to be posted (Friday, 6:30am EST) and then forgot to hit “publish” to actually schedule it! Are you good at praying that you and your future husband or wife get to meet each other (soon)? I’m not. Or do you routinely seek divine guidance while you’re in a relationship? That’s another area I’m working on. When I look back on things, I’d have to say that I tried, but I did not put God first in my relationship overall. I think many people struggle with this and I hope those of you who have this Love and Learn lesson locked down can help those of us still struggling. Why put God first Christians are commanded … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Define the relationship! (Part 2)

Along with defining what kind of relationship you’re entering into with someone, Today’s quick Love and Learn is that it’s important to be clear about what behaviour you will and won’t engage in in a particular stage of the relationship; I’m talking about intimacy here. You don’t have to have a list of dos and don’ts (or a diagram of your body with “do not touch” signs on off-limit body parts; hehe), but both parties should be clear about what the other person considers permissible at various stages of the relationship. Like you’ve read or heard elsewhere, this discussion should not take place in the middle of an intimate moment: have the conversation when you’re both fully clothed and just hanging out, rather than in the middle of a cuddle session. (Dear God, please send me a cuddler!) When I met my ex face-to-face for the first time in 2010, … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Define the relationship! (Part 1)

Today’s Love and Learn lesson is simple: don’t behave like the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband until you actually are. The best way to know where you stand is to have a conversation about it with the other person: define the relationship! When someone is serious about a relationship they’ll want to define it clearly because they don’t want to risk losing the person, due, for example, to a misunderstanding about the exclusivity of the relationship. (Men: tell me this is true!). Why define the relationship I mentioned a possible motivation for a man to define the relationship but what about the woman? Speaking for myself, a few of my friends, and maybe you, I know that some women are champs at getting emotionally attached. Oftentimes, with our emotions comes a willingness to act on those emotions and do things for the ones we love are liking more and more … Continue reading

Love and Learn – Don’t compromise on how you want to be treated

I apologize if you’ve had difficulty accessing this site in the past few days: the hosting company I had switched to is not working out so I’m trying to move but I can’t get a clean backup of my site to move! Success is imminent though. If you missed the last Love and Learn about not ignoring signs in a relationship it’s waiting for you. The more I hear from people about their relationships, the more certain I am that there are always signs telling us whether we should pursue a relationship or end it, but sometimes we ignore those signs because we don’t want to take action. Signs don’t always mean a relationship is doomed: sometimes a sign is a wake-up call to do things differently, and once you do everything’s fine. A good friend admitted she ignored her now-husband’s interest in her initially because she knew deep down … Continue reading