Compromising or settling – Part 2

When I last talked about compromising versus settling, I mentioned the benefits of having a List. A flexible List used as a guideline rather than a rigid rule is a good thing in my books, especially if you tend to get carried away by your feelings early in the relationship. When a relationship ends, you can usually see those red flags you initially overlooked so clearly! My colleagues pointed out that maybe I should elaborate on my definitions of compromise and settling from what I shared in Part 1. A friend shared her definition with me: you compromise on things and settle for a person—I agree, but I think you can also settle for things. Lady Ngo mentioned in the comments of the last post that to her, compromise requires contributions from all involved, whereas settling is uneven with respect to contributions—it’s possible for someone to think you’re perfect, leaving … Continue reading

Compromising or settling – Part 1

My friend and colleague Wendy tossed a question to me a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to know if I thought there was a difference between compromising and settling in relationships. Compromise has such a positive connotation: if you’re unwilling to compromise you’re considered stubborn. But settling? Well, we all breathe a sigh of pity for those who settle, don’t we? Oh, Kemi? Yeah, she settled with Wale. I guess she got desperate—you know she’s almost 40 right? I thought about Wendy’s question for a moment, and my reply to her (via text) was “The difference between compromise and settling is how YOU feel about it. Lol what I may consider a compromise you might see as settling…this should be blogged!” And here we are. The List—setting the bar The only way I will follow my heart these days is if my head has given my heart permission, meaning … Continue reading

Thankful: January 2014

The first month of 2014 is drawing to an end you know what? I’m glad I’m still here! We are not guaranteed another breath so when we get to breathe and continue living, we have to appreciate it. I thank God! I’m glad that an event for the Nigerian Blog Awards that had been in the works for months finally took place earlier this month. What a relief! Even though there are still elements to sort out, the hard part is behind me. I had my annual doctor’s appointment last week and I thank God that things are okay. There’s room for improvement but I have a clean bill of health. The doctor is wonderful (I’d break my own rules and propose to him if he wasn’t already married with three children). He’s kind, warm, and he really listens (excellent bedside manner, and the only beside manner I’ll be getting … Continue reading

3 turn offs

3-turn-offs

When you love someone (friend, family, significant other), you inherit the ability to look at their actions in the best possible light. So, in others you might find the habit of fidgeting annoying but your fidgety loved one gets a “pass” because you love them. If you don’t like someone, however, you can find a way to give even their kind acts a negative spin: the guy who’s always calling to check on you is “annoying”, while you might give your boyfriend grief if he doesn’t connect with you at least once in a 24-hour period. Ah, the double standard! Continue reading

Love don’t come easy

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

-The Supremes, You Can’t Hurry Love

I didn’t have a boyfriend in primary school, or high school, or university. After high school I told myself that I was a late bloomer and for sure love would happen in university. When it didn’t, I told myself that I’d meet someone in my 20s, and I’d get lucky on my first try and he’d be the one I’d marry, kind of as a prize for being patient and dealing with the heartache of rejection (because for me, never being chosen by the guys I had crushes on was painful rejection). When my 20s passed without love, I told myself Continue reading