Compromising or settling – Part 2

When I last talked about compromising versus settling, I mentioned the benefits of having a List. A flexible List used as a guideline rather than a rigid rule is a good thing in my books, especially if you tend to get carried away by your feelings early in the relationship. When a relationship ends, you can usually see those red flags you initially overlooked so clearly! My colleagues pointed out that maybe I should elaborate on my definitions of compromise and settling from what I shared in Part 1. A friend shared her definition with me: you compromise on things and settle for a person—I agree, but I think you can also settle for things. Lady Ngo mentioned in the comments of the last post that to her, compromise requires contributions from all involved, whereas settling is uneven with respect to contributions—it’s possible for someone to think you’re perfect, leaving … Continue reading

Compromising or settling – Part 1

My friend and colleague Wendy tossed a question to me a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to know if I thought there was a difference between compromising and settling in relationships. Compromise has such a positive connotation: if you’re unwilling to compromise you’re considered stubborn. But settling? Well, we all breathe a sigh of pity for those who settle, don’t we? Oh, Kemi? Yeah, she settled with Wale. I guess she got desperate—you know she’s almost 40 right? I thought about Wendy’s question for a moment, and my reply to her (via text) was “The difference between compromise and settling is how YOU feel about it. Lol what I may consider a compromise you might see as settling…this should be blogged!” And here we are. The List—setting the bar The only way I will follow my heart these days is if my head has given my heart permission, meaning … Continue reading