The online dating profile

When it comes to online dating, I think I am stricter than I would be with someone in person. Schichere mentioned that she cannot abide guys who shell/tabon when talking and I feel the same way about written English. I know my own English is not always on point but I try. So when it comes to online dating profiles I’m horrified when I read a profile written by a man (not elementary school boy) who claims to have a Bachelors abi Masters degree and cannot write coherently.

This is your first impression to the woman of your dreams and you can’t be bothered to use capital letters or proper punctuation? That drives me mad.

If a profile is full of spelling mistakes, I’m going to draw the conclusion that the author of the profile either:

  • doesn’t know how to spell (and if the misspelled words are simple ones, I’ll come to an unflattering conclusion about his intelligence)
  • or

  • he lacks attention to detail (just think how this would translate into a real relationship: don’t count on him to notice your moods or a new hairstyle, and his skills in the bedroom might also reflect a lack of attention/awareness of his partner!).

How judgmental of me, right? But think about it: this is the equivalent of meeting a guy and seeing that he isn’t well groomed, has poor hygiene or has crumbs of food on his face or a weak handshake. Not attractive, right?

I know guys generally won’t write an epistle about who they are and what they are looking for on their dating profile (and that’s ok) but all I ask is that they write something that shows something of their personality and who they are, even if it’s just a line or two. Most guys don’t write a single thing. Not one word. And they don’t have a picture. What exactly am I basing choosing them on then? Their nickname?

Let’s evaluate a couple of profiles, shall we? I won’t include the links to the profile or dating site to protect the guilty!

I am just looking to meet friendly nigerian ladies. I am 29, and she can be 23 or 35.I am mostly here on saturdays, so if you wanna chat with me, hit me up on saturday. Send a flirt if you want to get to know me more.

See, this one is perfectly normal. No obvious big errors jump out right away and you get the impression that this guy is very direct from those four short sentences.

I am a noble youngman who loves and fear God, fron a christian up bringing.
I like meeting people but not just any body i mean people with amiable mind and very serious at whatever they do. i like cooking and i play football and listen to music a lot

I like that he actually talks about himself a bit and I understand the gist of that he’s saying and he actually wrote more than one line. But there are some errors in this that make me twitch. But overall, it’s ok. If he was in my area I’d probably respond to him if he sent me a message.

And then you get messages like this one:

hmmm,

u have collate,charmed n posses me with ur bounty of beauty.

ur parents must be terrorist 4 bringing u into this world.
coz u r d BOMB, u BLOW my mind.

can we start as friends n c where it will lead us?

rite now am single n searching.

r u single n searching?

pls dont take me for granted, coz am serious.

pls contact me tru this email: [deleted to protect the guilty]

my cell phone number: [naija-based phone number even though my profile says I’m looking for guys in Canada].

pls can you also send me your email id n cell phone number?

hope to hear from you soon.

Loko [What a coincidence that “loco” means crazy!]

[my comments in square bracets]

Can you believe the guy used that “your parents must be terrorists” line? Good heavens! I feel like I’m in a sleazy bar and he has been watching me get drunk so he thinks he can just say anything and I won’t even notice; I’ll just giggle because a man is talking to me.

I have so much more to say about online dating but this isn’t all about me: what drives you nuts about online dating? Do you feel/find that Nigerian men use this service appropriately? If you’ve been on sites that cater to Nigerians exclusively as well as sites for everyone, what major differences have you noticed?

7 thoughts on “The online dating profile

  1. I completely agree with you about the improper use of grammar–it's quite irritating. Even worse, though, are the curt and uninformative profiles. "I'm a cool guy looking for a cool girl." Se fini

    OMG!! My mouth was wide open when I was reading that guy's message. You are the BOMB!???? WTF! I wonder if those types of guys ever get serious replies: "Yes, I very much bombe. You are fine ot and i believe that we are should plan a meeting where i can get to konw you better."

    UGH!!

  2. I really like this one
    "ur parents must be terrorist 4 bringing u into this world.
    coz u r d BOMB, u BLOW my mind."
    Lol, I'd be curious about his sense of humor. He sounds funny and silly.

    I've never actually been on a dating site, so I don't really know. No wait, I've been on blackplanet and that lasted all of 3months b4 I was forced to take my profile down. Long story, lol.

  3. Ok, i’m cracking up at that message you got… lol…I would say humor the guy but i think you would just come back more annoyed than anything else. Like is he for real? Is he really nigerian or serious at all? Honestly, i think i would have replied and told him how rude he was and give him a few notes on how to respond for future reasons…lol…(o.k that’s me having time on my hand for such nonsense) Never actually been on a dating website but “pray” do tell, have you ever met someone nigerian and decent enough to actually consider meeting up with face to face?

  4. @ Rayo – I must admit that the uninformative profiles get on my nerves too, or the cheesy ones that say "Looking for my African Queen". Where is the imagination? Something to set you apart from all the other men?

    @Oya – You're too innocent jare! I don't think he was trying to be funny, I think he thought he was being clever (maybe I'm being quick to judge though!)

    @S Chic – Sadly I haven't met anyone really worth dating online although I will admit that the guy I talk about here wasn't bad, I just could not see myself with him.

  5. I wouldn't know about online dating and the unique challenges it poses, but I think you'll be wise to exercise extra caution when dealing with limited information. You'll have to read between the lines, and imagine beyond the words that the person has written in their profile.

  6. The incorrect use of grammar and the fact that one leads with and saturates their profile in religion gets me as well.

    Reminds me of people who speak in scripture. Like, really just say "fine" when I ask how you are doing instead of quoting me the entire book of job. Like dude, what gives??

  7. Insightful.

    Once went to help a colleague cash a cheque (he was pressed for time). Pretty happy on getting to the bank and there was no queue. On presenting the cheque to the lady cashier, she requested i signed behind. I did. Then, she looks me in the eyes and says, "hmmm (with all joy), the cheque is extinct". Looking confused, i said, "sorry!" She now said, "the date is wrong". Oops….
    Apparently, the colleague wrote 2004 instead of 2008.

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