Very small gist

Two entries ago, a few kind readers expressed interest in knowing more about the guy that my great aunt set me up with, the guy I’m still talking to almost two years after our first rather uninteresting phone call. I don’t want to say much because the relationship is long distance. My sister was in a long distance relationship for two years and it had a very disappointing end; that is why I try to not to be in such relationships and why I’m not ready to say too much here. When things work out so we’re able to spend some in-person time together, I’ll provide you with more information than you want to hear.

We started talking in October 2009, we met in October 2010 and it was after this in-person meeting that things really turned from “potential couple” to “I guess we’re a real couple” in my eyes. He’s a Nigeria-based guy and maybe it’s only my experience but he seems to know what he wants and how he feels way earlier than I do, and he’s more comfortable expressing those feelings. I have given him a tough time but he’s still around so he looks like a keeper!

Yes, he’s a good guy, but we’ve had challenges that centre mostly around our different upbringings, and I’m learning a lot about what is involved in being a partner. This is difficult business! It’s been really frustrating to learn that my logic can be considered completely illogical to someone else and vice versa (but mostly the former). The other thing I’ve been thinking about is how hard this business of merging your life with someone, forever, is. Maybe since this is my first real relationship, fear of the unknown is entering my life. Maybe the independence that these last two years have brought to my life (moving out of my parents’ house almost 2.5 years ago and just a week ago buying my first car) have made me into someone who is happier with her “single” life. Now that marriage—something I have longed for and prayed for, something I was starting to think would never happen—could happen if things go well, it suddenly seems like a bigger step than I thought it would be. Questions like “How do I know if he’s the right person?” “How much do you need to know about someone before you make that step?” come to mind, and I’m not close to being engaged yet (if that’s God’s plan for the relationship)!

But one thing that I’d say is I am more optimistic: about love, about the silly “It’ll happen when you least expect it” phrase, about the fruit of hard work. This guy I’m talking to, like most Nigerians, has attended many weddings and he often remarks that he sees many people preparing for the wedding but not the marriage. This is one benefit of a long distance relationship: you can really use it to work on those things that are important in a marriage: communication, time together (even if it’s only by phone or computer in a long distance relationship), and just being a support for one another. Even if things don’t work out as I’m hoping they do, I will have no regrets because I feel I’m learning to be a better person.

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