Wedding plans

If everything goes according to my heart’s desire (and that happens approximately 0% of the time), I will meet a lovely Nigerian guy, we will date for a little while, he will propose to me (white gold ring with a modest sparkling stone in hand), and then I will be flung into making decisions like how our families will be introduced to each other, what size of wedding we can afford without having to sell our kidneys and where and when to have the engagement (traditional wedding) and the White wedding.

Right now, my plan is to have the Engagement in Nigeria. This way my extended family will get to meet my groom and they will also get to witness a milestone in my life. Also, it would give us a chance to throw a party that people would hopefully enjoy. The only “problem” with this is I know my non-Nigerian friends would love to see what the Engagement is like, especially when they find out there’s a part of the Yoruba Engagement where the bride is traditionally supposed to kneel in front of her husband to feed him. I won’t deny that as it stands now, I’m thinking of arranging for NEPA taking light during that part of the ceremony so that when the electricity is restored I can say that they all missed me kneeling. Yup, I said it! I understand the tradition with respect to kneeling for elders but a small part of me cringes at this part of the Engagement. I went to a Yoruba/Angolan wedding (groom was from Angola) and when it came time for his bride to kneel to feed him, he actually grabbed her arms and pull her up before she knelt. I want a groom that would do that!

I know, I know, submissive wife…Bible…but I can be submissive without kneeling, can’t I? The other thing I could do is use the “I wasn’t raised in Nigeria so I didn’t know I was supposed to kneel during the Traditional wedding” excuse. I expect the “I wasn’t born in Naija” excuse will get me out of many tight spots in the future! Anyway, the Engagement will be recorded and I can show it to my friends afterwards.

That means the White wedding will be in Canada. This will allow my friends (100% of whom I know will not be able to pack up their families and travel to Nigeria) to see GNG get married. Of course, Nigerian food and attire would be incorporated into this wedding, and I’m quite giddy at the thought of planning it. It’s far more exciting to me to think of planning this than the Engagement, because I don’t think I’ll have any say in the Engagement. I don’t know the traditions and the order the whole thing is supposed to follow; I will just be a puppet that day.

Before I get all excited, I need to find the groom first! With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I’m tempted to organize another Online Meeting Project! Although I can’t announce that any couples from Round 1 are engaged, I have received positive feedback from people who participated. Some bachelors had sent me their info too late and I told them they would be included in the next round.

I have some of questions:

  1. If you aren’t married yet, how are you thinking of organizing your wedding?
  2. How many of you married folk felt like you had a lot of say in either the Traditional or White wedding?
  3. If you live outside of Nigeria, did you split up your Engagement/White weddings like I’m thinking of doing?

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35 thoughts on “Wedding plans

  1. lol@ finding the groom first

    i alos cant wait till my wedding

    its going to be so much fun

    i actually have no prob with kneeling

    i love the traditional spects of the trad wedding

    and kneeling is not really a big deal

    after all the groom prostrates totally on the floor

    its an experience and its fun

    of cos most people say teh trad marriage is done to please the parents but i dont have any prob as long as my ideas are heard there is nothing wrong with going along for the ride

  2. Well i always thought i wont kneel too, hated the idea but then it came to mind that the guy too kneels to ask your hand in marriage (if he proposes right) so i guess the equation is balanced then oh i miss your blog

  3. I can't wait for my trad!! If you have someone like my mum hosting it she will make it fun but when it's me I'm sure she will embarrass me!

    I'll definitely have my engagement abroad in Nigeria and my white wedding here in London and then maybe move back to Nigeria! Not sure …..

    All the best with your plans and I hope you do meet him nice and naturally fall in love *tear*

  4. I don't really think I will be doing a traditional engagement or trad marriage in Nigeria. I wouldn't mind setting up something like that here. But if my parents persist then ya, I'll really consider it.

    But 100% the wedding will be here in Canada.

  5. Mehn GNG, when this dream comes to pass for you, i really would love to attend the ceremony! (Hopefully, i should be somewhere close in naija here)

    I didn't have much say in my traditional wedding but my white wedding went mostly according to my own plan.

    I enjoyed every bit of it!

  6. GNG what a post….Just have to ask ! Are you not open for other cultures must he be nigerian? well hope you find what you are looking for and everything goes according to your plans and wishes!!!!!!!!!

  7. i must have a trad marriage in nigeria..i enjoy those things..they are just too colourful and rich in tradition..and the kneeling down part is actually just for show,its not like your husband expects you to kneel down for him when you guys get married.

  8. O I cant wait for my marriage celebration, I actually prefer the trad to the white wedding (if I could involve a pastor in the trad, there would be no white). I want to kneel down and give my boo (or if its not him, whoever God has for me) that cup of wine (palm wine or 7up..we will see). It tells him that I might be the boss lady everywhere else but I am not ashamed to kneel to you before all these people and I will let you lead our household as we go on (uggh I love marriage with all its trials and hardships, I still love it). The beautiful attires, the whole traditional rites…I love it.

    Girl, keep speaking it and you will be getting married to that wonderful man very soon.

  9. When i saw the title, i thot u had found the one and was abt to get married. That would have been so exciting. I haven't really thot much abt my wedding plans. I am just getting used to the idea that i might want to get married, i'm still not full there yet so no wedding plans for me right now.

    I don't c myself going home to Nigeria for any part of my wedding though. We shall c. As for the kneeling down part, i don't think they do that where i am from. You sit you on ur husband 7 times and father in law too or something like that. No kneeling down.

  10. I thought I was the only 27yr old on this earth with no love interest/potential future husband material. Like I havent even met a guy who I have even been on a date with. This sux. I wonder wtf is wrong with me and why I cant find anyone. wah wah wah :(

    Rant over. Going back to my lonely life.

  11. I would happily kneel and feed the man I love. I don't see anything degrading about it because if I Love him he should be able wash my feet and do it happily.

  12. Everything with my wedding was done in canada, and hubby and I had 100% say in everything that happened.

    Gng, I have nothing but respect for you,…with that being said… what if you dont see a nigerian man to marry.. then what…. my hubby is not nigerian and we are very happy.

  13. I dunno, when it comes to getting married it's a big blank for me, just like a void. If I had to think about it, I'd probably go and do a court wedding, shikena

  14. I definitely had a lot of say in my white wedding, but in much in the trad.

    I think the kneeling down part is just an act. you can kneel all you want but still not be submissive, or not kneeling doesn't mean you won't be submissive. there's really no biggie about it. depends on you, though.

    hoping that prince charming will surface from wherever and sweep you off ya feet. maybe then you won't know when you kneel!

  15. Somehow your blog always makes me smile…

    I know for sure we're also going to split the ceremony, but it looks like the White Wedding will happen here first and then follow with the nigerian engagement which is also called the traditional wedding in Nigeria. The other thing you left out is the "introduction" which the yoruba's call "mo mi mo e." Because we're going to end up doing the wedding before the traditional, we're going to ask that the official letter of marriage also be done at the introduction…lol…

    I already know i'm not going to be doing any kneeling…no story to it! I'm in total support and i completely love my culture but i'm not kneeeling down at any point.lol

    Also, for the white wedding i have this idea in my head about wanting it very intimate so not everyone is going to get an invite to the main ceremony…if we could get only close family it would be perfect! Everyone else gets the reception invite. lol

    Finally, I heard a testimony about someone who planned her whole wedding just by having faith and the groom came at the right time…so u're very much on track just as i am…Infact these days i've been comtemplating wedding colors…lol…

  16. lol @ "without having to sell our kidneys"…tew funny…well for me…done deal is engagement is for the folks…White wedding is mine!!! Don't know why this pple have to be like that…but hey…c'est la vie…

  17. â–ºBBB

    Well, don't you agree? Groom before wedding seems to be the right order to me ;)

    I agree that the traditional parts of the wedding are great…I guess I want to be able to pick and choose which parts I like and which parts I want to leave behind.

    It sounds like you're going to be a very easy-going bride-to-be! Everyone around you will really appreciate that.

    â–ºHarry

    hehe, happy to have made you laugh. You hope I don't find him online? Why?

    I think I have to email you about that!

    â–ºFemi

    I have missed you and your brilliant logic. You're absolutely correct that the guy kneels before his fiancée when proposing. The only thing is the proposal usually occurs in a pretty intimate setting whereas the kneeling that the woman will do before her husband will be very public. I do like your point though!

    â–ºmiss flyhigh

    Oh, maybe I should ask your mom to come and organize my own engagement when the time comes! lol she will embarrass you…pele o!

    Awww, thanks for the good wishes! I wish you all the best with your love life too :)

    â–ºblogoratti

    Amen to your words! I'm doing fine thanks…hope you can say the same?

    â–ºFancyFace

    Do you have some extended family in Canada, or maybe some family in Naija will come here for your wedding?

    Make sure you invite me o!

    â–ºEnkay

    Oh, if you're closeby I will surely invite you! Imagine if we meet for the first time at my wedding! Craziness!

    I'd love to hear more about your wedding one of these days…maybe I should go and see if there are few entries on your blog!

    â–ºEmilia

    To answer your question, if someone asks me about the nationality of my dream man, I will always say Yoruba or Nigerian. Does that mean I will marry a guy because he's Nigerian alone, overlooking other important qualities? Definitely not! But whenver I blog on the matter, I will always refer to what I wish for!

    I trust that God will help my dreams come true.

    â–ºleggy

    You're right that the kneeling is just for show during that ceremony and most husbands won't expect their wife to kneel before them again.

    Like you, I love the colours and traditions, and the idea that this has been done in our culture for so many years…

    â–ºIgba Nkwu Lover

    I love the way you explained how you see kneeling before your husband and even marriage in general! This is why I love blogging: reading the opinions and interpretations of others gives me new insight into topics that I thought I knew inside out.

    Thanks for the good wishes!

    â–ºsting

    I wish I had…it would be so fun to talk about how we met and all that fun stuff.

    You're young! I think there are a few things that you still want to accomplish before you'll be marriage minded. But maybe love and thoughts of marriage will sneak up on you before you know it!

    There are so many Nigerian wedding traditions that I don't know about! Our country is just so diverse and rich.

    â–ºNana

    You are NOT the only 27 year old who feels like this and there is nothing wrong with you! Keep heart, my dear. It's not easy, and I totally understand feeling like there's got to be something wrong with you. I feel that way too but you know deep down that it's not true! You might just have to get out more, let your friends and family know that you're open to love, or be braver in public. It's hard and I'm still trying my own techniques (including online dating) to get out there more. Don't give up!!

    â–ºOya

    I feel you my dear…and I hope to marry a man whose love for me is such that he would wash my feet. I better get on my knees and let God know what I'm seeking.

    â–ºAndrea

    Like I said to Emilia, a guy who is Nigerian or even Yoruba is my desire, but there are more important things I'm looking for, things that speak to the man's integrity and character, and I won't compromise on those things just so I can marry a fellow Nigerian.

    Please don't think I'm saying that good marriages can only be between people of the same background…I have no doubt that you and your hubby are very happy together.

    â–ºOmosi T

    Well the key is to do what works for you and your husband-to-be (if you decide to go that route). It's definitely not easy dealing with family but if anyone could get through that, you could!

    â–ºnaija mom abroad

    Welcome and thanks for your comment!

    It sounds like what you're saying is quite typical regarding how much say we have in the traditional engagement. I completely agree that kneeling (or not) says nothing about submitting, no matter what some might think.

    Thanks for the good wishes…I have the same hopes!

    â–ºSassiechic

    White wedding first! That's a first (hehe). I love the idea of having an intimate ceremony! And I was going to mention the introduction, but I know so little about it, and it seems like it's always formally done.

    Oh, the official letter of marriage at the introduction — good idea. I really need to find out more about the Introduction and the Traditional wedding!

    I need to be gisted about your plans.

    And wow…I cannot imagine having all that faith. Yes, oh me of little faith :(

    â–ºNoLimit

    hehe, I'm with you dear. And I'm glad I was able to provide some laughs! Take care, dear!

  18. No, i aint married, and No, i aint thinking of any plans (i'm still thinking of how to my first 1million naira…)

    But i'm happy for you shaa, really. Might just attend your trad sef!

  19. Am getting use to my new status.

    @Kneeling down for him…Hey,he knelt down proposing…kept him on his knees for awhile…come see as sweat cover dude in a short period of time.

    Engagement in naija all the way :i being the only child of my mum…she would def wanna show off for my dads peeps..lol

    I definitely have a say in the white wedding….I just want sth small…I want it in my parents house…no hall rental bla bla…(my mums dream)call me the priest and we call it a day!!!

  20. I'm definitely going to make my wedding an entire weekend event-bachelorette party, traditional engagement, "white" wedding (why's it gotta be white though?!?I like the term "traditional" much more lol), and can't forget the Sunday morning thanksgiving service. Now, of course, this will most likely only happen if I marry Nigerian man, or a guy whose just open to other cultures. The thought of possibly having to explain to a non-Nigerian man where to buy yams and plantains to offer to my family's side for the engagement makes me cringe more so than the kneeling, yikes!

  21. Mehn…i guess i'm one of the few women that thinking about planning a wedding gives heart palpitations…i've been involved in other peoples planning and it ain't easy at all.

    That said…i would love to just show up at my wedding. I want to be asked what needs to be done, briefed, sign off on stuff but ultimately…just show up and get married [lol]. All that planning/calculating/budgeting/fighting with fam and the hubby to be….mucho head ache.

    I have no idea where trad might be…it might depend on where hubby is and where his family is cos my family is here.

  22. Wedding plans, I was excited when I saw the title. I thought you'd been holding one back on us. But yeah, keep speaking it and it will soon come to pass. I had a lot of say in both weddings but I also gave loads of leeway to my mum and MIL, so everyone was happy. LOL.

    Thanks for your comments on my blog.

  23. I don't know much about traditional Chinese engagements. People just don't do things the "old way" anymore (i.e. arranged marriage – girl doesn't see boy until the day of, and she doesn't get to party with boy). What *IS* still done is the tea ceremony, where the bride and groom have to kneel to the parents (both sides) and serve them tea. The bride and groom then receive money (bride might get jewellery, too). I *STILL* haven't decided if I"m going to do this or not. I don't like kneeling (and I'm also not getting a Chinese gown)!

  24. Hey GNG! I thought you had secretly gotten engaged without telling us when I saw the title. LOL. You are not alone in planning/thinking ahead to your big day, a lot of ladies do it! It doesn't hurt to know what you want and what you don't well ahead of time.

    I hope your dreams come true very soon, and that wonderful man comes into your life, and drops down on his knee with your ring! Make sure you send me an invite to the wedding o :)

    Planning my wedding was fun and stressful in equal measure. My parents and in-laws did everything with the engagement in Nigeria, while hubby and I planned the white wedding ourselves in London. That way everyone was happy :)

  25. â–ºkay9

    Thanks! I don't have a groom yet o; hope I remember to invite you! ;)

    â–ºKabi

    Are you recently married then? If so, congratulations!

    Lol I still maintain that kneeling before just you is different from kneeling before him in front of hundreds of people.

    Oh, I like the idea of keeping things small…I think compared to the average Nigerian wedding mine will be relatively small, but I guess the groom might have a say in that.

    All the best to you!

    â–ºAnike Love

    Wow, your event sounds like it's going to be the go-to thing, the kind of stuff I love to see pictures of after the fact! I think as a Nigerian, even if you marry a non-Nigerian your groom has to be open to at least some Nigerian elements in the wedding. If not, I'd be suspicious of him!

    lol at cringeing at the thought of having to explain it all to him. But thinK: if he cares enough to go through it all, you might have a keeper!

    â–ºRepressedOne

    No, wedding planning isn't easy. I think those of us who are looking forward to it are keeping our eyes on the prize – a great groom who makes us happy and vice versa.

    Well, if you have a typical mom or mother-in-law to be I'm sure they would love to have you leave things in their hands!

    â–ºMyne Whitman

    How I wish that was the case, that I had been hiding my fiancé all this time! No such luck!

    Oh, you sound like a dream DIL…smart girl!

    Always a pleasure to comment on your blog, ma'am!

    â–ºCynthia

    It'll be cool to see what you decide regarding the tea ceremony. I know that people who are not familiar with that tradition they would love to see it!

    â–ºFavoured Girl

    How I wish you were correct! Thank you for the sweet words…I can always count on you for that, can't I? :)

    Of course I had to bug you for more details so it's great to learn more about how you and your husband sorted things out.

  26. well, i had a say in the whole event, not just me my wife and i agreed on how we want our day to be and the venue we wanted for the trad and reception. but we did all in one day, saved us cost, time and energy!

    as for your wedding plans, i find alot of nigerians staying outside the shores of our nation doing it the way ur are dreaming of doing yours, i wonder why? are there trying to appease someone or they miss the partying lifestyle of the naija peoples?

  27. â–ºpink-satin

    hehehe…so your'e like me! Hopefully not for long though!

    â–ºise

    Oh, I like that idea. In fact we need to share best practices among ourselves regarding tips and tricks to keep the wedding day from financially crippling us!

    â–ºAnoda Phase

    I like to think it's planned but there is one main element that's missing…

    â–ºrethots

    Amen! I can't wait for that to be a certainty. I know now from talking to this guy I know that faith is key!

  28. Hey GNG! I used to fuss over the kneeling bit but one day when we were talking my fiance was like "well, i had to kneel in front of an open field of strangers and remained on my knee till you said yes, so it's payback!" lol. After thinking of it like that i just let it go….he kneels sometimes i kneel sometime it's all good that's the essence of marriage right? I have to say I always thought it would feel weird but it didn't at all….not even a little bit. It felt like we were in our living room and he was sitting on the couch and i on the floor like we always do (i like sitting on the floor don't ask why lol) and i look up and give him a kiss like we always do anyway. meh…

  29. At first I thot u had found the man and was already preparing for the engagement. In anycase I wish u d best. At my trad weddn my wife was made to sit on my lap 7 times…however at d white weddn when it was time to feed d groom she knelt down to feed me….i dont think there is anything wrong with that….it didnt belittle her in anyway she still remain my precious jewel…..so by doin same for ur hubby to be shld not difficult for u afterall like kabi said he must have knelt down to propose to u abi?

  30. That is the pride in African weddings which needs to be celebrated, its a way of life which we should not allow to fade away. Remember he will also lie flat on the ground in the presence of about 200 to 300 people, what about that, it is our traditions and cultural heritage, that is what makes you unique.
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