I was talking with my mom yesterday, and I
beggedasked her to help me find an eligible man (um, not that I’m desperate or anything because nothing is less sexy than a desperate woman, no matter how good she claims to be ;)). Specifically, I asked mummy to find me a guy who was Nigerian, between the age of 28 and 32 and preferably living in North America. My sister stopped me immediately and told me I was being too picky, and she asked why he had to be Naija.
My (perhaps superficial) reason is here but I want to know why I can’t put “Naija” down as one of the things I would like in a guy? If I meet a man who meets my other more important criteria (concerning religion, values and work ethic, etc) and he’s not Nigerian, I’m sure I wouldn’t be so stupid to let him go but for the time being, “Nigerian” stays on my list.
Here are some reasons why those who know me best think I need to get over this idea of marrying Naija:
Back in highschool you were ever only attracted to oyinbo guys
Well first of all, my graduating class had one black guy in it, and he was a player. I had no desire whatsoever to hook up with him. And yes, I have always thought that oyinbo guys with dark hair and eyes are cute, and I had crushes on many of them through highschool since that’s who I was surrounded by. I have no doubt I am attracted to oyinbo guys, but I’m also attracted to African guys and I’m also seeking a connection on a deeper level, such as through a shared culture.
You’ve never dated Nigerian men
True, but to be honest I haven’t dated much, period. I dated one guy who lived out of town and seeing each other every one or two weeks wasn’t exactly the makings of a deep relationship. I have to admit the fact that he wasn’t Nigerian, coupled with the fact that he was almost ten years older than me meant I never took the relationship seriously, and it was no surprise to either of us that things ended after only a couple of months.
I’ve almost dated a couple of Nigerian guys but for various reasons (I’ll go into detail later), things never worked out. With one guy, he moved to the big city and his interest in me waned, with another he lived in the USA and we had trouble keeping a conversation going (not my fault o!), with another guy, he had a girlfriend when we met and although I was smitten with him, even after he broke up with his girlfriend (through no fault of my own), our friendship was never the same.
What if you meet an oyinbo guy who was raised in Naija? Would that satisfy your need?
An oyinbo who lived in Naija for a while and knew Lagos, for example, would satisfy my need to have someone who I would trust to go around Naija with. I’d still feel like he had adopted my culture instead of being born into it, though, but that’s not really a big deal. That being said, I have one particular oyinbo friend who is so interested in other cultures that it is very flattering. He’s interested in trying the food and visiting Naija, and he is the only non-Nigerian who pronounces my name correctly (of course he’s married!).
I just want a chance to get to know some Naija North Americans. Maybe they’ll turn out to be just like my brothers and I’ll run screaming. Maybe they’ll be exactly what I think they’ll be and I’ll have my desire to date and marry Naija cemented. Either way, I’m interested in discovering what works for me.