I am Good Naija Girl and I am looking for love on the internet. (Hi Good Naija Girl!)
I chose the internet not because I think online love is particularly romantic, but because I live in an area where the kind of man I want to meet (Nigerian, preferably Yoruba, legally able to live in Canada (this is a new requirement o!), university educated (or in the process of getting an education), 35 years of age or less) is an extinct species (and I have the testimonies of a few friends to prove it).
Since my goal is finding a guy with which I can enter into a relationship, I’m actually looking for guys who live in my city, province, country or continent, the closer the better. I don’t think the right guy for me is waiting in Germany or Spain, I think it’s very possible that he’s somewhere on the same continent (surely out of over 300 million people in North America, there is one for me????). So, when a guy in Madrid or Stuttgart or London “shows interest” in me, I don’t even bother to respond, because I’ve said in my profile that I’m interested in guys in the same country.
When the guy messages me from an African country, I’m even less likely to respond because I have my suspicions. Let’s pick on a guy living in Nigeria for a moment:
Nigeria is the world’s 9th most populous country according to an article I read a couple of days ago. So, I think it’s fair to say that a Nigerian man in his mid 20s to mid 30s who is educated, ambitious, of average to above average looks and just a plain decent guy would have no problem finding a woman who meets his criteria…in Nigeria.
Unless of course that criteria is possesses a green card or citizenship card for a country other than Nigeria.
I know that sounds harsh, but I can’t understand why some Nigerian men are searching abroad for love on dating sites when there are so many gorgeous, smart, hardworking Nigerian women a stone’s throw from them (I read the blogs of some of these women so I know they exist!). I can understand wanting a better life abroad, but why not find yourself a nice woman at home and then go abroad together and work on that better life together like our parents did (for those of us born in North America)?
It’s like these men are trying to give themselves a running head start and pick a woman who will save them years of working hard to get established or get permanent residency or citizenship, and something about that grates on my nerves.
As the daughter of immigrants, I know (only somewhat, admittedly) the struggles my parents went through. When they were in the USA, they were there as students. When we came to Canada, my father was a student again. Eventually we became permanent residents and then citizens. The process from my father’s student status to citizenship took eleven years and any of you who are abroad on a student’s visa know that you have to make sure your status is maintained and your papers are in order every so often. Imagine doing that while looking after a five other people, two who are in elementary school and trying to adjust to the Canadian system after being in the Nigerian school system, two who are toddlers and a wife who is working to keep everyone healthy and alive. It is not easy.
So yes, I bristle at the thought that a guy is looking abroad for love when he could find something magical in Naija. And similarly, I think I should be able to find a guy in North America for me. I’ve heard that finding love is a numbers game and if anyone knows how to (legally) increase the numbers of Naija men in my city, please let me know.
Coming up next: Misconceptions that some Nigerian men have about North America-based Naija girls.
Want my monthly messages?
Subscribe for a monthly, often personal, message from Good Naija Girl.