Why are Nigerian men in Nigeria looking for love online?

I am Good Naija Girl and I am looking for love on the internet. (Hi Good Naija Girl!)

I chose the internet not because I think online love is particularly romantic, but because I live in an area where the kind of man I want to meet (Nigerian, preferably Yoruba, legally able to live in Canada (this is a new requirement o!), university educated (or in the process of getting an education), 35 years of age or less) is an extinct species (and I have the testimonies of a few friends to prove it).

Since my goal is finding a guy with which I can enter into a relationship, I’m actually looking for guys who live in my city, province, country or continent, the closer the better. I don’t think the right guy for me is waiting in Germany or Spain, I think it’s very possible that he’s somewhere on the same continent (surely out of over 300 million people in North America, there is one for me????). So, when a guy in Madrid or Stuttgart or London “shows interest” in me, I don’t even bother to respond, because I’ve said in my profile that I’m interested in guys in the same country.

When the guy messages me from an African country, I’m even less likely to respond because I have my suspicions. Let’s pick on a guy living in Nigeria for a moment:

Nigeria is the world’s 9th most populous country according to an article I read a couple of days ago. So, I think it’s fair to say that a Nigerian man in his mid 20s to mid 30s who is educated, ambitious, of average to above average looks and just a plain decent guy would have no problem finding a woman who meets his criteria…in Nigeria.

Unless of course that criteria is possesses a green card or citizenship card for a country other than Nigeria.

I know that sounds harsh, but I can’t understand why some Nigerian men are searching abroad for love on dating sites when there are so many gorgeous, smart, hardworking Nigerian women a stone’s throw from them (I read the blogs of some of these women so I know they exist!). I can understand wanting a better life abroad, but why not find yourself a nice woman at home and then go abroad together and work on that better life together like our parents did (for those of us born in North America)?

It’s like these men are trying to give themselves a running head start and pick a woman who will save them years of working hard to get established or get permanent residency or citizenship, and something about that grates on my nerves.

As the daughter of immigrants, I know (only somewhat, admittedly) the struggles my parents went through. When they were in the USA, they were there as students. When we came to Canada, my father was a student again. Eventually we became permanent residents and then citizens. The process from my father’s student status to citizenship took eleven years and any of you who are abroad on a student’s visa know that you have to make sure your status is maintained and your papers are in order every so often. Imagine doing that while looking after a five other people, two who are in elementary school and trying to adjust to the Canadian system after being in the Nigerian school system, two who are toddlers and a wife who is working to keep everyone healthy and alive. It is not easy.

So yes, I bristle at the thought that a guy is looking abroad for love when he could find something magical in Naija. And similarly, I think I should be able to find a guy in North America for me. I’ve heard that finding love is a numbers game and if anyone knows how to (legally) increase the numbers of Naija men in my city, please let me know.

Coming up next: Misconceptions that some Nigerian men have about North America-based Naija girls.

26 thoughts on “Why are Nigerian men in Nigeria looking for love online?

  1. One hundred percent (100%!) agree with you on this one. Again, same story with my family. But you already know that. Oh and my dad would agree with you too! :O)

  2. Most of those guys online you refer to are"yahoo" fraudsters. They prey on our human tendencies to trust after the provision basic identifiable information.
    Most are not really after the green card or love. It is all about money. A lot of young people (especially in the universities) run this as a trade and constant source of income.
    Crazy innit?

  3. hey,
    i think i follow ur train of thots. But be it as it may, u stoppd short of calling Nigerian men searchin for love abroad emotional frauds. What is wrong in seekin love where-ever u may find it. If gettin hooked to a woman abroad will hasten the process to fufilment and destiny what is wrong with that.
    it mite b difficult to be objective about it, but you guys- Nigerian females and indeed Nigerians abroad- think that they are doing folks down in Naija a favor when they get with them. I am a full blooded Naija guy, good lookin and successful- if i am interested in u, does that automatically make me a leach? who says i cant woo u and we make our home in Lagos?
    Get off ur high horse, i am as much at home in Montreal, in London, in New York and in Milan as i am in Lagos, PortHarcourt, Abuja and Kano. My experiences have taught me that a woman with int'l exposure would best compliment my jet set lifestyle and help accelerate our potentials. U' all needs take a second look!

    nuff said

  4. I don't think majority of the african guys looking for "love" online want a green card. Most of them are into online dating scams. I was unfortunate to encounter on of these guys last year, but as a fellow nigerian i saw thru his act fast enough. Most of the people who fall victim to them are americans who don't know better. After i "outed" him, he had the guts to tell me that since i now know what's up, i should help him set up a profile on a dating site and pay for it with my credit card since the site he usually uses has been bastardized (his words). I bet he thot i was that stupid.

  5. I see where you are coming from, but it seems a little too much to suggest that Naija guys online are seeking papers or as a reader stated "Yahoo" boys. You referred to Nigeria's size, so I'll state that in a nation of 140 million, it is quite unfair to suggest that the majority of the men online are there for purely immoral/illegal reasons.

    I am definitely not trying to discard your opinion, after all, you alone can truly speak from your perspective. But, I always bristle when I read generalizations of Nigerians that apply to the majority the sins of a small though 'popular' majority.

    Take care!

    NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
    IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE…

  6. @ Omena – I have no problem with Nigerian men seeking love online, and seeking it wherever they may find it. My main gripe is with men who seek love abroad only, when they themselves are based in Nigeria with no plans to relocate abroad apart from the relocation they may do due to their newfound love. What is wrong with the many lovely Nigerian women who are smart and hardworking? What is the appeal of a Naija girl abroad? If I was in a place where I had access to that many Nigerian men, I wouldn't even think of putting on my profile that I'm seeking men who live elsewhere exclusively…unless, of course I was planning to move abroad already. I try to avoid long distance relationships when I can.

    My answer to your question "If gettin hooked to a woman abroad will hasten the process to fufilment and destiny what is wrong with that." is that women (and I'll speak only for myself here) like to think a man loves us for who were are first and foremost. If you happen to discover that I'm a millionaire or that I'm famous after the fact, that's fine, but for that to be part of what draws you to me is not so flattering or romantic. Similarly, if I know that a guy likes me and he's also really thrilled that I'm an American citizen, well, I will always wonder which of the two things was the bigger "draw" to him. Do you see what I mean?

    I think you may have misunderstood me: if and when I get with someone, it will be for mutually beneficial reasons. One of us will not feel like he or she is doing the other a favour because that is not a good basis for a relationship. If I end up with a Nigerian abroad or in Nigeria, it will be because we have both found what we're looking for in each other, and our relationship will be based on mutual love and respect. Neither of us will ever feel like they received a favour, and it is unfortunate if anyone is made to feel that way.

    To answer your questions, if you're interested in me and are successful and good looking that doesn't necessarily make you a leach. If you're well traveled and at home anywhere in the world, then sure, look for women anywhere in the world. My entry is about guys who are based in Naija and will only be heading abroad as a result of finding someone who is established abroad. What is wrong with the women at home? Do you see the distinction?

    So, I don't think I'm on any high horse. The internet is an amazing tool that has made the world smaller and we're all entitled to use it how we wish. If I continue to use the internet to find love, I will continue to look close my current location because that is my preference. And I will continue to have trouble understanding men or women who look abroad when they have no personal plans to move abroad except to be with a man or woman who is already abroad.

    Wow, this is a long reply. I hope it all makes sense.

  7. @ Solomon Sydelle – It definitely wasn't my intention to suggest that most Naija guys who are online dating are seeking papers, but some are. I am really after the guys who are only seeking women who live abroad (ie their profile says the location they're looking for women is in North America and they are in Nigeria). Why aren't they embracing the smart and sexy women around them? That is my only complaint.

    Like you say, it would be truly unfair for me to say that any Naija guy online is seeking papers; I know that isn't true. What I am having trouble with is why a guy who hasn't made plans to move abroad (ie he's got his papers in order to study abroad, or has applied for and won a lottery for the UK/USA/Canada if they still do that) would be seeking a woman abroad. What is the appeal of a relationship that would be long distance in nature for a while?

    From my entry:

    I know that sounds harsh, but I can't understand why some Nigerian men are searching abroad for love on dating sites when there are so many gorgeous, smart, hardworking Nigerian women a stone's throw from them (I read the blogs of some of these women so I know they exist!). I can understand wanting a better life abroad, but why not find yourself a nice woman at home and then go abroad together and work on that better life together like our parents did (for those of us born in North America)?

    I hope it's apparent from the above that I'm not saying this is something that all Nigerian men do. Some do, some don't. And I appreciate the dialogue you've allowed to take place by your comment.

  8. OUCH! Omena really laid it down! Anywho, i partially agree with you GNG. U should have your guard up considering the fact that most(not all) naija's on the net are known for being fraudsters.
    However, i think it works against you..–this is something my brother has discussed with me and i am definetly a culprit—a sense of enpowerment has come over us single, educated african women. We tend to OVER SCRUTINIZE because we are under the notion we are worth more. Don't get me wrong, i believe i got some cost to me! but i have caught myself being a little on the high horse lately when it comes to men… you might have been taking a little horse ride GNG and not know it!

  9. Interesting post. The beauty of living in the Northern Hemisphere, you can come out and say you are looking for love on the internet and no one will be chewing your butt off. Come do that in Naija…

    All the best with your search. You may like to visit a fellow Canuck (if u dunno her already) http://ooof.ca/blog .

    Regarding your post: while some Naija men, like you, are genuinely searching for love online, it is unfortunate that I have come across those who do not deny the fact that they are seeking for their 'ticket' outta Naija'. So it is hard to sieve through the horde of Naija internet users who are up for the real thing. Good thing you have already created a 'filter' by stating your profile. With care, tact and some good providence from Big Brother up there, you'd be a success story!

    Peace

  10. I find this site totally funny…reading interesting things about Naija…guys and girls..

    One thing I find quite frustrating here is I don't meet Nigerian girls…here in Canada…I know they must be somewhere…at least I am reading about some here…but for some reason…I don't meet the Nigerian ones…where are you all hiding??

    I live in Edmonton which I think has a sizable population and right now…live pretty decently…but where are the Nigerian girls?? Hahahahahaha…

  11. Hmm, it seems you have a potential candidate up in here.
    Paul. Post before mine. Who lives in Edmonton and is Nigerian.
    Oh, I'm not sure he's Yoruba though.
    He didn't mention.
    I surely do hope you have hooked up with the bobo.

    I'm a Nigerian guy that lives in Naija and I tend to take an opposing view of your comments.
    I think it's a stereotype(s) that you have. (Ok, kill me)
    Not strange though, coming from someone that lives in one of the most stereotypical continents :P
    Seriously though, there are a lot of Nigerian girls outside Naija that are equally looking for Naija blokes. Beats me why. Thats just an example.
    I know you did not intend to slander Naija men in Naija, but balance the jist.
    Its just like saying that all Nigerians are 419ers because you've been 419'd.
    Love can be found anywhere, even if it starts with ulterior motives (I may regret that statement)
    But then again, you are entitiled to your decisions and you know what you want.

    By the way, I'm Igbo, under 35, have a university degree, not married, etc, etc.
    So, I'm technically available. (I hope my L.O.V.E.R does not read this)
    Wait, I do not live in Canada.
    Infact, never even been to Canada.
    Sigh, that counts me out.

    P.S. All the best in your marathon. You can do it. Don't ever forget that.
    Let us know how it goes.
    By the way, have you ever visited Naija?
    Just for fun?

  12. Oops….
    Just read your 'about'
    This is a 'tongue in cheek' blog.
    Take my previous post with 'a pinch of salt'

    P.S I love how your blog looks.
    Wordpress is beginning to look more attractive than blogger.

  13. I think both naija men and women search for love out of the country, just to escape the economic hardship in naija. Some will be genuine, willing to work hard etc. Some would be fake. That's just the way it is.

    I would not advise anyone to get a partner from naija unless you know the person very well prior to the relationship.

    The reason it's difficult to find eligible naija men abroad is because they usually go back home to find a wife. Again this has been a mixed bag. So I do agree with you that people here should seek partners here. That way, you know have a better chance of knowing what you are dealing with.

  14. Kai,….e wo aye wa ni ta (oops).

    See what Nigerian fraudsters (whether emotional, financial or otherwise) have turned us to. If anything, the worst way to win a war is to enter on the defense.

    Be that as it may, to naija men seeking love exclusively abroad….all the best to 'em, 'tis up to our babes to continually be on their guard.

    Thot provoking subject GNG.

  15. Hello, I have recently encountered a very attractive, gentle, kind and loving Nigerian man online. I am living in Virginia, USA and he is currently in Nigeria. I had my suspicions at first so I have taken my time. He immediately started talking about marriage and having a family. He calls me quite often and states he is a cell phone accessory salesman in Nigeria and very hardworking. It's so hard because he is everything I want in a man. Not long after meeting him he was pushing for me to contact immigration so we could "live happily every after." I did contact immigration and it is difficult to get him here to me especially if there is romantic connections between the two of us. So immigration suggested my going to Nigeria and then I could petition for a fiance "visa" and we could get married and so forth. But there is no way with my work schedule and son that I can go abroad. And then I took some pictures, hard copies, as he asked and sent them to him. He wanted me to send him money with those pictures so he could get his computer fixed. Well, I wasn't stupid. I am just searching for answers online to see if maybe he is real or fake. I want to be with someone exactly like him, or the way he describes himself anyway. He is very handsome and I do ofen wonder why he doesn't find a nice Nigerian woman to be with. By the way I am white. So does that make a difference as to any scams. Please give me some honest advice if it is available. Thank you so much and God bless everyone!!!!

    • Dear Amber
      I married a man from Nigeria. We met online in 2003, married 2005. We are separated now for 5 months http://www.woodstocksentinelreview.com/ArticleDis… Take a look at my story. I am just trying to warn people about what could happen. However I know there are genuine men that do love us and not all Nigerian men are bad.

    • Life is all about risk, if that amount he is requesting is something u can part with comfortably, why don't u give it a trial. Though there are deceivers everywhere, there still nice people as well. Assume u wanna help a friend and see what happens

  16. hmmmmmmmm,
    hi,
    just want to try this site out ni, may its real ojari as in the http://www.teejazz.badoo.com.
    well concerning the topic i will say yes to all your presumptions, and to tell you the fact i think nothing goes for nothing if you like the guy and the guy is just about getting greencard tru you you also will be getting something in return now abi, you want a nigerian guy that will fit ur mr.right….., you gat it.

    hmmmmm and to think of it self every body have this criteria of whom they will love to go out with, i read a bit of your blogs and i think you all are just whinning for no reasons, okay for instance i have this nigerian jambito chick that i actually admit i fucked up by revealing my love to her, i totally told her that i love her and did you know what she did during that process of me telling her that cos i let it show to her, she taunted my life, oh yes ! she enjoyed it too, now am not hating all gals b'cos of this flaw, instead i got to learn alot from her that love is blind and if you go out there searching for mr or mrs. right you will only end up hurting just like me so go out there with a fresh mind and try to work with what you have. moreover i won't mind searching for naija chicks abroad too….:)

  17. lol gush read my message and it felt lyke am writing in tounges!!!!!!!
    see ya, adios.
    before i leave, i hope it won't be a crime to leave my messenger id lying around here. i will like to chat with one or two or three or the whole lot of you on my messenger.
    am interested in getting to meet,know and lyke pple am averagely attractive, don't know what that means to u but i know am cute,..well i will let u be the judge of that and i want to meet foreign gals black i like but wont mind white..am Nigerian and am proud.
    hope to get a mail from u and u and u yeah you too. am serious so do mail me.

    free2tess@yahoo.com, ta-ta.

  18. Good morning Ladies,
    Hows Ur very nite? cool i guess.well i have gone through ur profile and i kind of like ur personalities but wish 2know u more out here cox u seem nice dan u may appear nor have written in here….am sorry 4being curious about u but i just wish i could know u more 4i knw i may not be of ur standard nor the kind of guy u wish for..buy i wish i could have a place in ur heart…
    ….just dat specail someone wuz not only going 2hold ma heart 4me but dat wuz gana wipe away ma tears and painz saying its alright….

    .am not of 2many words in here but dat which i'm is dat which i love being cox i love being me wen it comes 2me…am 6.5ft tall and a lil cute,an average body built on DRED LOCKS….n am lovin,carin,honest n fun 2be with but am SINGLE,BROKENHEARTED n BROKE 4now…ma hobbies are listening 2music n singing along with it..playing video games wen bored,playing basketball and watching wild life documentaries..well dats lil about me so u would know more wen i meet u.so 4now ma heart aches 4urs…08033999762 or sannyhenny@yahoo.com

  19. http://www.woodstocksentinelreview.com/ArticleDis… Read my story about A Hard Lesson In Love. I want to warn people to be careful with internet relationships. Some are genuine people, but some arent. Perhaps people dont intend to hurt us, but they care more about themselves than any other human being. My husband is still in Canada today, but not working and struggling away. I pray things will turn around for him soon.

  20. I am a Nigerian but from the south-south.
    I did not have enough time to read all of your post but I can assure you that not all Nigerian guys are bad.
    I am one of the good ones, if you care to know.
    ;-)
    +2348032794252

  21. I really wonder why 9ja men are crazy about abroad based 9ja girls. The truth which many of us don’t know is that it is very easy for most of these girls to divorce a man just like the whites. Especially those ones that are born here. Am sorry to say this oh, but it is an open truth.

    Experiences have shown that they are never steady in their marriages, they lack the humility and patience required for a life time marriage. Their way of thinking is that they are doing a man a big favor if they marry you. And as such u see them very proud and disrespectful. Some even succeed in turning their husbands into a nani, lol! You need to see men that married them for upto 4years, hahahahahaha!!!

    This is why 9ja men based abroad always come home to get a wife. If these men can’t cope, is it you that is based at home that will cope? Anyway, just like Omena said, most of these 9ja based guys are just looking for means to migrate. For those of you who are real, shine your eyes oh!! Life is too short to add more stress. It will take extra grace of God for me to marry abroad babe. In fact it is not possible. I don’t wanna mess my marriage life at all. I cant wait to go back to 9ja and marry my old time babe. Na mi talk am.

Comments are closed.